X-Men: Dark Phoenix - Commentary & Analysis
#1
Popcorn 
(I wrote this weeks ago whilst on a plane from Taipei to San Francisco.)

X-Men: Dark Phoenix - An Unfinished Commentary (It was sleep time on the plane and I wasn't gonna be "that asshole" watching a bright flashing screen while everyone else is trying to rest.)

WARNING: SPOILERS. HAPPENING. BELOW. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW.

Oh wow I can't believe this movie is available on the plane... hot damn!

I am really not that into new movies as I'm sure you all know... I rather hate Hollywood, but I gotta say these X-Men movies have always reeled me in! We'll see if I like this one or if they've gone down the drain.

1:30 and of course there's a car crash for an opener. Just the kinda shit I want to see when I'm in a FUCKING PLANE OVER THE PACIFIC ON A PARTICULARLY TURBULENT FLIGHT SO FAR!?

1:47 oh I didn't expect that, LMFAO!

2:00 LOL it's so ridiculous they're having a telepathic radio dial war with the little girl like that's totally normal or something!?

Awe OMG such a tragic scene, poor kid must feel like an asshole! Ah well, it happens!?

4:18 well now you're livin' the fuckin' dream at freak school, kid! Sounds great to me!?

4:40 the guy playing Xavier looks older now. But I like the look on him.

5:10 awe, the gift/pen analogy, he's a great teacher.

6:50 "No, because you are not broken." FUCK YES, baby AMEN!!! I LOVE that line, movie's winning me over already?!

7:54 WTF, wasn't Endeavor the one that exploded?? Where are they going with this??

9:00 okay, this is fucking cheesy. Whose idea was this exactly?

9:30 this Dark Phoenix chick is pretty hot.

10:50 I dunno this is seeming kinda cheese ball right now and Xavier's helmet looks kinda dumb. Like what is with the clear part??

11:00 I like Evan Peters as Quicksilver though. It's a good character. Only a matter of time before Evan comes out as gay though... whether he really is or not.

You know how sometimes people come out as gay after a super long time and you look back and you're like OF COURSE that guy is gay as hell! Well that's how I feel about Evan Peters.

11:30 I thought the "solar flare" thing was a brilliant touch. Looks like a jellyfish in the space ocean.

11:40 that don't look good!

12:00 I totally DO NOT like Jennifer Lawrence at all.

Ooo, the chick playing storm is hella hot.

12:50 once again we have an amazing Quicksilver scene. Love it.

13:15 why does Storm have an accent now??

So the Dark Phoenix is Jean?? I didn't know that. She's got the coolest powers of them all.

OMG she's falling to earth and then gets saved by the badass blue dude. That's pretty cool. I don't get her story though, not gonna lie. This movie is kinda dumb.

19:25 gah time is cruel. None of us are as young as we used to be are we?

That's the problem with movie series like this. You can see everybody getting old.

19:35 ah man they're about to lose me here. Leave it to obnoxious commie Jennifer Lawrence to say some stupid shit like that.

20:20 she got blasted by Sol, of course she feels great.

23:14 WTFOMG ARE THOSE ALIENS!?!?!?! Shape shifting aliens!?

24:08 LMAO what in the COMPLETE and total FUCK is THIS lunacy!?! Is this a fucking music video??? And a bad one at that?? Did I miss something!?

Why is it MODERN TIMES, yet they're all YOUNG??

I bet this was the first X-Men not to get a stellar rating.

25:30 wow, JLaw isn't a GREAT actress or anything is she really?

27:15 LMFAO the weird random retarded alien pop song is driving her crazy!!! I hear ya, lady!!! What IS this shit?!

29:25 the graphics with all the space kinda stuff is the only good thing about this movie so far.

32:00 the guy who plays Scott is hot as fuuuck.

35:40 Storm's hair is the shiiit.

39:30 this is definitely the worst X-Men movie of all time. Probably even worse than the ones that were only about Wolverine.

43:20 LOL JLaw got dealt with!!! I like this Phoenix chick!!!

45:15 LOL Xavier is so full of shit.

47:00 that's a pretty badass powered wheelchair.

52:42 did she literally just randomly walk into a hippie communal work living camp?? This movie is fucking ridiculous.

52:20 OMG it's Magneto. I bet they can hardly afford Fassbender on a shit-tastic movie like this!!! He looks as good as usual. I'd definitely rather be in Magneto's camp, he's way cooler than Xavier.

57:25 I personally think Jean and Magneto make a hot pair.

59:10 he's right, Jean needs her own mutant groupie camp. She's too strong. Her story is pretty retarded though.

1:06:00 this is honestly a great storyline... I don't know what they were thinking with the other shit.
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#2
LMFAO, I gotta watch the rest of this movie someday.
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