The Fan (1981) - Review & Commentary
#1
WARNING: SPOILERS. HAPPENING. BELOW. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW.

After seeing this movie described as "Elegant Trash", I decided I just had to watch it...



https://www.amazon.com/Fan-Lauren-Bacall/dp/B001LH8W5Q

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082362/

0:30 I gotta say, Lauren Bacall is for sure one of my top favorite classic actresses as it pertains to stunning good looks. I mean hot damn. 

https://www.doctormacro.com/Images/Bacal...ren_44.jpg

1:14 oh I already wanna fuck this guy!!!

1:38 great music in this movie.

2:15 even the "elegant trash" of yesteryear is immeasurable leagues better than the putrid filth of today.

3:55 I'm digging the cinematography so far.

4:40 people prettymuch thought Lauren Bacall was hot right up until she died.

She does have a certain mystique, it's pretty amazing. Her eyes are piercing.

7:57 look at this hotass young dude... this shit isn't believable at all.

9:45 this shot is worth pausing and studying right here.

15:10 I mean look at that guy, he's hot as fuck. There's no way he's gonna be all obsessed with an old actress. No offense to Lauren Bacall, I don't mean it that way, but like. Obviously. Come on.

17:25 whoa, what's going on here? And is he setting two plates? He's alone though? WTF?

18:00 wow. Awe. Poor guy is so crazy! I love it!

18:18 I'd slam the door on her too, honestly. Come on, that's just rude. Leave the guy alone, he's not hurting anybody!

22:38 ooo la la, I bet you do baby!!!

24:20 damn this guy's crazy, I love it!!!

26:45 that's... a lot of benches.

27:00 "lesbian tendencies" rofflerofflemayo.

27:20 it's finally getting good.

30:10 LOL :)

30:40 her eyes ARE fucking amazing though.

32:10 "And I'm a spoiled bitch"... that's how you know Lauren Bacall wasn't a spoiled bitch, she'd have never accepted a line like that otherwise, LMAO.

33:55 LMFAO the best parts of these 70s/80s movies are the disco scenes.

35:05 is he gonna kill this lady?? LMAO!?

36:20 OMG a razor?? What the fuck is he doing?? Did he KILL her?? Or just maim her?? What the fuck kinda shit was that?? 

37:00 LOL smoking in a hospital, those were the days.

40:00 it was over?? IT AIN'T FUCKING OVER DUMBASS. YOU DIDN'T KILL HER. Fucking moron.

43:55 shit I can't even remember his last name at this point.

44:15 dude what the fuck are they rehearsing?? It seems fucking horrible, LOL!

45:20 whoa whoa whoa, what the fuck is about to go on here? Are we supposed to be creeped out? This guy has no fucking ability to ACTUALLY kill anybody, so just what the fuck is there to be scared of??

46:00 oh, is it just the nuance?? The fact that creepy stalker guy is swimming in the same public pool as this dude?? I mean I GUESS that's sort of creepy.

46:15 whoa, really?? Underwater?? With a ton of people around?? REALLY?

46:35 I mean, okay... I'll admit it, that was pretty fucked up.

47:04 wow that guy's nose holes are REALLY small.

54:00 oh my God niiiiiiiiiice.

54:15 what the fuck, did she just pass out from fear or something??? Cuz she SURE THE FUCK AIN'T DEAD. Can't this fucking guy do ANYTHING right???

55:45 I mean yeah he's cute but this is just embarrassing.

And what is it with the razor knife?? Why doesn't he try out a lil bit of stranglin' instead??

56:45 OMG are they about to walk in on this fucking guy??

57:10 OMG she's got a gun! Fuck yeah!

58:55 oh hell yeah, I'd be like "You've got a very sexy voice. How about you come over in 15 or 20 minutes?"

Why doesn't she just invite him over so they can get it on? Why is she being such a prude??

1:01:10 left town, see I was gonna say she should just move.

1:01:35 so she's at a creepy farmhouse or something? LOL!

1:04:00 some pretty intense gay vibes going on here.

1:04:37 they literally look like the same person.

1:05:20 wow, I CANNOT believe this is happening right now. This is so unattractive.

1:05:40 man honestly, I really don't like this fucking guy. I mean that's just so uncalled for.

Now he's just being a fucking douchebag.

What the fuck is he even doing. 

What IS this shit??

1:07:00 oh wow... so THAT'S why. Hmmm. Wonder if it'll work??

1:07:36 look at that adorable little stove, LMAO.

1:13:04 come on, did we really need to see this? Facepalm.

1:13:26 that's a bitchin' glittery suit though let's be honest.

1:14:25 why'd he fake his death though??? I don't get it, what's his plan???

1:14:45 there's some monumentally gay shit in this movie, I gotta say!

1:15:20 lookin' good baby, what's your plan?!

1:15:45 ALL these dudes are freakin' gay, like even the stalker dude is looking kinda gay... yet she's a woman. I mean, what in the hell is trying to be said here??

1:16:35 "Diamonds seem to cling to me"... GUUUURRRRRLLLL I FEEL THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:18:35 LMAO this musical is HORRIBLE. You almost gotta give them props for even doing this, like, I don't know what else to say.

1:18:41 and then he's just like sitting here... having SOME KIND OF reaction, I have NOOO IDEA.

1:19:45 honestly? I wonder how this actor guy felt about this role?? Michael Biehn?? Like how the fuck did he feel about this role?? I would have felt like it was kind of ridiculous. I mean I think he's great. At least he's hot. But... the story though.

1:23:12 man I CANNOT believe he killed that adorable little shortcake, what the fuck is this guy's PROBLEM??? He BETTER kill this lady if he gets the chance and not let her kill him instead. But you know she will. Or Rockford will, one or the other.

1:23:50 soooooooooo. Here we arrrrrreeee.

God I hope he kills her. 

He let her go??

OMG this guy sucks.

1:25:00 oh it's gonna be so easy for her to kill this guy.

1:25:40 get her, get her!!!

1:26:05 is that... a riding crop??

YOU CAN'T FUCKING KILL SOMEBODY WITH A RIDING CROP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LMAO that said... I never figured I'd see Lauren Bacall getting chased and hit with a riding crop, this is kinda groovy.

1:27:00 guy's totally about to get shot by somebody or something though. Probably Rockford.

1:27:35 Lauren Bacall kinda looks like David Bowie right here. Wonder if they're related??

1:27:55 "You're pathetic." That's some classic hollywood starlet shit right there, bahahahaha!!!

1:28:36 best part of the movie for sure though.

1:29:30 told ya.

Facepalm.

K.
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