Actual Thoughts I've Had, Verbatim...
"OMG, I can't WAIT to try out this new can opener!!!"
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Dancing Banana 
(Also known as "Signs You're Hitting On 30!")
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Bwhahahahahaha.
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Really really excited about your new can opener darling! I still remember the day when i bought a new one 2 years agi, its black sleek and elegant and cuts with amazing effectiveness. This reminded me of slapchop for some reason
https://youtu.be/rUbWjIKxrrs
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I used it for the first time at dinner tonight.

I was mesmerized by the magnetic part that holds the lid after opening.

Wow.
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Would love to shove my dingdong in yer piehole, sugartits
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“There’s nothin’ wrong with me being right.”
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Rihanna sang ' under my umbrella' and i am now wondering if umbrella is a slang for skirt. I love the smell of a nice skirt
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"Awe, sweetie... she would eat your lil soul right up."
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Wave 
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"SEEMS LEGIT."
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Censored 
Hmm...So anywho yesterday I went shopping and saw plenty of attractive young hussies about their business. All of them caught my mind, er eye, too much gawking can be a bad thing, well it depends...I digress again, she was wearing a white skirt yes, hardly do you see girls wearing skirts around here but there she was.  Attractive women are still a wonder to me it's hard to understand that they exist,,,even better is mutual attraction... 
mutual attraction and giving into desires in public where those desires are aroused for the first time  ... wtf shrug
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"I mean, he's kinda old but yeah, I do wanna fuck him."
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Plunging my dick balls deep in her vagina, I realized my purpose in life was simply to plant the seed in her garden.
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everyone masterbates , so why aint there any television adds trying to sell special lotions and creams for rubbing our bodies ? seems like like missed opportunity

just be up front about these things , stop pretending we are all celebite monkies
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"Kelp" sounds like how you would say "help" when you're drowning.
Hands Up!  Panties Down!
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