Can't believe I'm publicly admitting I watched this: Trix Reviews 50 Shades of Grey
#1
Sad Nana 
Well folks...

I've admitted some pretty embarrassing shit on this platform, but in all seriousness, this might truly take the cake.

I did it.

I watched 50 Shades of Grey.

Don't ask me why.

I couldn't give you a good reason.

Never say never. That's what I've learned here.

So here we go...



Adequately Making Fun of 50 Shades of Grey

Starts out with "I Put A Spell on You" and I'm immediately like ah COME ON, you gotta be fuckin' kidding.

1:30 like he would actually be out randomly jogging like that if he was really a billionaire, get real.

1:40 and what the fuck is with the tie drawer?? Really? This guy is boring as shit, is this some kinda joke??

2:15 A BEETLE??? The world famous serial killer vehicle of choice? IS THIS FOR REAL?? OMG LMAO. I cannot. I cannot even.

2:35 this chick looks like she's got mental issues, no shit. She LOOKS like a complete and total victim. How the fuck is she staring at herself in the mirror and licking her lips and biting her lip at the same time though?

2:45 what the fuck is this chick her mommy or something?? This is just WEIRD. Neediness... from everybody involved. That's all I sense so far. Blandness and total neediness. 3:00 kisses her on the HEAD?? Who the hell is this chick?! Who DOES that!?

3:28 what in the fuck, the chick acts like she's never fucking seen a skyscraper before... I mean what the hell is this??

3:46 okay well that is interesting, she got in under the pretense of being someone else.

4:16 and she trips and falls immediately. That's so... dumb. I'm sorry but what the hell is that even supposed to mean??

4:20 and right off the bat, there's NOTHING attractive about this Grey dude. Not the way he moves/walks, not the way he talks, not the way he looks... nothing. 4:25 and she looks all mesmerized by him. Like, why?? WHY?! LMAO. And she's STILL on the floor, why has she not GOTTEN UP YET?? Like he literally makes it ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE OFFICE OVER TO HER and she's STILL ON THE FUCKING FLOOR. Holy hell.

4:28 dude wow. This guy is NOT ATTRACTIVE AT ALL. And can we just talk about his ACCENT?? Is he SUPPOSED to be American in this movie?? Because the actor guy is IRISH and you can TELL. He does not do an 'American' accent well AT ALL. I find a major qualm with that, because if Grey is supposed to be American, why not just get a freaking AMERICAN ACTOR TO PLAY HIM?? Why not get somebody who's actually super hot and intriguing to play him??

4:37 and what the hell is with HER ACCENT?! She damn near sounds British here and she's FUCKING NOT. She sounds like a British actress who is really bad at doing an American accent. Wow. I'm so fucking glad this shit was only $0.99 LMAO.

5:25 okay what the fuck. She's sitting there with the recorder ON TOP OF THE FUCKING PAPERS and NOTES. How is she supposed to read the shit with the recorder on top of it?!?!? WHY DOESN'T SHE PUT THE RECORDER ON THE TABLE BESIDE HER!?!?!?! Honestly? My GOD'S HONEST OPINION AT THIS FUCKING MOMENT... this Grey dude needs to just smack her across the face, bend her over and fist her in the ass sans lube right now because this bitch is ANNOYING as FUCK. Is the strategy here to make her totally annoying so we don't feel bad that she gets all abused and shit?? LMAO because SO FAR, IT'S WORKING.

5:30 and again, the Irish accent COULD NOT BE MORE OBVIOUS. They better say this fucking Grey dude is from Ireland at some point because otherwise, HOW THE HELL did this even happen. HOW. Why these actors to play these characters? WHY.

I gotta say, in all honesty, I like him a whole lot more than I like her. I mean really. Neither of them are even remotely likable (at least so far, I mean I could give them the benefit of the doubt), but even with the dude's weird drawer of sad, boring ties... he's got way more oomph than this bitch does. Who the hell is this chick even supposed to represent? Is this what we're to believe is the typical chick out there?? I mean who the hell is she even supposed to be?

6:22 whoa what the fuck... she is being SOOO unprofessional right now. I mean I get it, she's not a 'journalist', but even your typical fucker wouldn't mess up that bad and be a total cunt. She's totally being a bitch to this guy. And there's not even a sense of her JUDGING him, or even some kinda ego thing... she's literally just being a cunt and it's like it comes 100% naturally to her. When is the fisting again??

6:56 it's just stupid, why are they having a CONVERSATION right now?? She's supposed to be INTERVIEWING him (for her FRIEND), asking him set questions. I mean, SHE'S the one who started being a dick to HIM, and now she's derailed the whole damn interview into this weird, passive aggressive line of pseudo-discussion that nobody has time for. LOL, I literally hate this. This is crap. Pure crap.

7:03 are you fucking kidding me? ROFL!!! What is that?! Why is she talking about his 'heart being bigger' than he wants to let on, when SHE'S the one who started making off topic comments? More so, there's absolutely ZERO character development on her, so we have NOOO IDEA who the fuck SHE EVEN IS. We know who he is, it's implied, it's clear, he's an ARCHETYPE. SHE is NOT an archetype. She's totally nondescript.

7:09 I mean this guy is a cheeseball idiot for sure... but I think he'd be totally justified in telling this chick just to get the fuck out of his office at this point because first of all, she isn't even the actual interviewer chick that was expected, AND she's being a cunt and a weirdo frankly. But of course this whole story is totally unrealistic and he just rebuts her in this pointless, childish conversation that wouldn't ACTUALLY happen, on any planet ever.

7:15 and I mean, as a PERSON, he IS a total stranger to her... so it's also just plain bizarre and again, totally unrealistic that at this point her character would think that there's anything soft or inviting about him which would inspire the 'having a heart' conversation to begin with. And can I just point out... there is LITERALLY ZERO chemistry between these two actors. LITERALLY zero. It might even be NEGATIVE on the chemistry end. There is nothing there whatsoever, which makes the entire plot (what exactly is the fucking plot again at this point?) wholly unrealistic. Just doesn't help the matter at all. Two terrible choices in actors here.

7:22 his response, OMG. This is cornier than shit. Cornier than the hearty turd of a person who eats an unreasonable amount of corn.

On some levels it's interesting (to me) but at the same time it's just stupid... which is a weird combo.

8:40 now can I just say... the bitches who work for this Grey dude are HOT AS FUCK. I mean, SMOKING. Smoking fucking hot. How the hell is he honestly going to be interested (at all, on any level) in a totally plain, wholly obnoxious chick like this?? Again, totally unrealistic. GLARINGLY unrealistic. Intolerably unrealistic.

8:45 yeah see, this is just so retarded. There's NO WAY (in hell) he would actually be sitting there, saying that he wants to know more about her. Really. It's just so stupid. This story is just so unrealistic and such malarky, it's almost sad. It's just... a forlorn level of bullshit.

9:00 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!?!?!?!?!? So he literally gives a THREE OPTION MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTION about the authors who made her "FALL IN LOVE WITH LITERATURE" when he knows LITERALLY FUCKING NOTHING ABOUT HER. And she CHOOSES ONE OF THEM. And we're supposed to BELIEVE THIS SHIT!?!?!?! What the fuck is this?!?!? Why do I find it so intolerable and insulting?!?!? It's... IT'S ABSURD. It's like... are we REALLY supposed to believe that they have ANY KIND OF connection whatsoever that 1. He would actually be able to read her, 2. That she would ACTUALLY BE THAT PREDICTABLE and 3. That she wouldn't just say somebody else JUST TO FUCK WITH HIM (since she's such a mouthy bitch) even if it REALLY WAS one of those names?? This is insane.

9:14 if you watch this guy's mouth while he's talking, it looks like he damn near has a speech impediment or something. LOL. Not that speech impediments are funny, people know I love a good lisp. But in this case... I mean, it IS funny. What the hell were the casting people thinking when they chose these two?? Who the hell are these two related to?? Why the hell were they chosen to play these fuckers??

9:30 what the hell is wrong with this girl?? She looks like she's about to cry. What the fuck is this SHITSHOW?! What IS THIS, LMFAOMG!?

9:34 yeah I mean that's what I'm fuckin' screamin'... LOL.

I really wanna crack some jokes about this Irish dude, ROFL. It's truly inspiring my sense of humor.

10:34 ROFLMAO like he would REALLY take the TIME to DO THAT. No. Never. NEVER. Not on any planet EVERRR. The guy is a fucking BILLIONAIRE. First of all, he would have kicked her out of the office (nicely I'm sure, whatever; I sure would have). Second of all, he would have NEVERRR talked to her about HERSELF. EVERRR. Thirdly, he would NEVERRR take the time to actually type out the questions and the answers. EVERRR. WHY?? Because he's FUCKING BUSY. OH MY GOD. He's fucking BUSY. When you're a BILLIONAIRE, you don't have time to do STUPID SHIT like that. You just don't. And it's not because you're an asshole, and it's not because you don't have any desire to make another friend in your life, and it's not because you're incapable of being romantically attracted to a stranger like this silly bitch. It's because you're AT THE FUCKING OFFICE, and you're NOT THERE TO JERK OFF ALL DAY. You're at the office to WORK. You don't ever kindle some bullshit like this in an office setting with pressing appointments and clients out the wazoo and all the other shit you have to deal with. It's SO DUMB. And let's be real about it... if he wanted to nail this chick just to add yet another bitch to his belt, he'd have flashed her a few Benjamins, and he would have bent her lame, boring ass over the desk and then sent her on her way. THAT is reality. IF ANYTHING.

11:12 okay, the guy was NEITHER "intense" nor "intimidating"... on any level whatsoever. Not on an actor level, not on a character level, not in any way, not in any capacity. Just setting that straight.

11:33 he's not. He's not "ridiculously hot". He isn't. They could have gotten an actor who IS. But they DIDN'T. Now don't get me wrong, the dude isn't ugly. He just isn't... what this character really should have been matched to as far as actors go. If they truly wanted to make him 'intense', if they truly wanted to make panties melt, if they truly wanted to make this movie something that even chicks who hate the premise would have been turned on by... they would have chosen someone else. And that is why I just don't understand their choice. But hey, I'm glad they didn't choose someone else, because I can continue being totally unfazed by this... romance? Is that even what this is? They're like... a couple of lukewarm, socially retarded people attempting to flirt or something.

12:04 dude I don't know what the hell she's piling on that piece of bread, but whatever it is, it's way too much. She can't even cook a sandwich.

12:12 TWENTY SEVEN YEAR OLD BILLIONAIRE? LMFAO. This movie makes me want to put my head in a vice. I am not kidding.

12:20 ahahahaha okay... that's something a bitch would NEVERRR do to me. Bwahahaha, or should I just say... it's something she'd never do twice. If she even lived to get the chance to do it again.

13:18 why the heck isn't she going out with this nice young man?? He's better looking than the Grey dude. Not necessarily because he's got one up on him physically (although he probably looks better naked) but he has a nice smile and a good personality. He's hunky.

14:20 and I mean hell, you wanna talk about "ridiculously hot", THAT guy is ridiculously hot. Why the fuck didn't they get HIM to play Grey? ROFL! I just can't wrap my head around the fail that encompasses this casting. It makes no logical sense, so I can only assume there must be another reason for it. Like inside connections or some kind of symbolism or something stupid like that.

15:40 but I have to say I do dig this part because this creepy cracker is here at the hardware store getting supplies he's gonna use to tie her up later. That's pretty damn fucking funny if I may say so myself. But I must stress, this is again totally unrealistic considering he's a busy business man instead of some nasally, creepo stalker she's never met. And regardless of that, even if he did choose to do this, he would only be using her like a sick joke. There would be absolutely no relationship in store for these two, and he would care nothing about her on any deeper level whatsoever. And maybe that is where they're taking the story. I don't really know the story in depth, but I have read they have a relationship and eventually marry... which is just completely ridiculous for too many reasons to list.

16:48, LOL. No. He wouldn't.

16:52 awww, this co-worker guy is so nice! And tall. So much better looking than this Grey dude. And that shoulder grab! Fuck yeah! He looks like a viking!

17:26 why the fuck does he have a driver, BUT he's sitting in the passenger front seat!? LMAO!!!

18:06 hah, no but he should be.

It's at this point I realize my favorite pair of tights has a hole in them and that makes me very sad.

20:12 and YOU should explain that Irish accent! ME LUCKY CHARMS! ROFLMAO!

20:20, LMAO it's like "Okay, bye!" Like WTF. She didn't even get to eat the muffin. That was the dumbest, most awkward, most totally ridiculous scene in any movie ever. No part of this story has made any logical sense and it's really pretty annoying.

21:20 NICE EBAY SCORE THOUUUGHHH.

22:02 I was just thinking the same thing!

22:18, a line for the bathroom? Ugh, my God, who would wanna go to a place like that? And a FLIP PHONE?? REALLY?? Stop. Honestly. Just stop.

23:42 LOL that was pretty funny though.

24:35 oh hell yeah that's what I'm talking about. I mean it's a TAD sleazy for him to be bringing this up when they're both super drunk, but. Still.

26:32 OMG LMAO, it's the BLUE PILLS!!! ROFLMAO. Too funny, too damn funny.

27:27 oh wow now THAT is disappointing... NOT into NECROPHILIA?! Wow. He just got even less attractive. This just sucks.

I like how he's always trying to feed her though, that's definitely a plus.

28:06 are those burns on his chest? LOL.

28:13 AGAIN, somebody encroaching on her food... what the fuck is wrong with these people?? Not as bad as what her roommate chick did, but still. LMAO, try that shit with me and I'll put a fresh scar on your chest, slutboy.

28:28, SHE called HIM. ROFL!!! HELLO!? God this movie is obnoxious.

It's better than Twilight though, I'll give it that!

30:08 JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE. ROFL.

And again, can we just talk about how dumb the concept of a busy business man just dicking around like this actually is? They show him on his laptop a lot, and I can only assume by the way this has gone so far he's probably looking at bondage pics on Tumblr. The guy has better shit to do... you don't get to be a billionaire by dicking around.

30:26 see I can dig this Grey guy re: the whole written consent thing, I do like the way he rolls. This Grey dude is totally me. He's totally me. That's me. 100%. Guy's a terrible actor though. She's actually a better actor than he is, which is just... sad LMAO.

30:48, honestly I am sort of bored.

30:55 AHAHAHAHAHA he puts her hands over her head but then he like... lets go and she just awkwardly keeps her arms above her head, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!? That's hilarious.

31:40 you have WORK to attend to?! WE WOULD HAVE NEVER FUCKING GUESSED.

33:10 LMFAO like it's some kind of dream come true to ride in a helicopter. I'm facepalming inside right now. I don't often experience that 'inward facepalm' feeling... it's a true rarity. Now I understand a whole new layer of why people have made fun of this movie so much.

33:30 WHERE'S THE PILOT?! WHERE'S THE FUCKING PILOT AHAHAHAHA OMG THIS IS FUCKING HYSTERICAL. NO, PLEASE, GOD, NO!? Ah man. This movie... I dunno. I dunno, it's honestly starting to gain points as a comedy. It really is.

33:53 "PARACHUTE'S UNDER THE SEAT BITCH, YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT, I JUST DOWNED A FISTFUL OF 4-BARS WITH A BOTTLE OF JACK!!!"

34:04 who the fuck gets that excited about going to SEATTLE?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!? ROFLMAO, this is HILARIOUS. I'm low key starting to love this and I cannot even lie. Ahahahaha, OMG!?

35:30 aw man. It's too bad that helicopter scene couldn't last forever, it was truly the funniest thing I've seen in any movie for a while. But now they're like in this apartment or something and things just got kinda creepy and... back to 'normal' again. Bleh. What in the hell is with the eerie AF music in the background??

35:58 man I'm sorry but I'd be so fucking freaked out right now if I was her. I'd be SO fucking freaked out. And it's hard to freak me out, but I would genuinely be really freaked out. In fact I AM freaked out just watching this shit. Really bad vibes from this. It just went from awesome comedy film to creepy as shit horror film in under a minute.

It's at this point I realize I'm not even half way through this movie and that sucks. The movie has just taken on a really creepy, unsettling tone and I hope it changes.

36:18 SHE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING READ IT BEFORE SHE SIGNED IT, OMG. This really is some horror movie-esque shit. Like those movies where they should totally get out of the house but they don't get out of the house.

36:30 I gotta be honest though... I think it's HER who is creepy. Oddly enough. It's her who is bizarrely unsettling. Because he just presented her with some kinda freaked out contract and she didn't even READ IT. So that's her fault... totally her fault. Her naivety isn't even his problem at this point, as much of an asshole and abuser as he might be. It's her who fucked up here, and that is sad.

36:48 why is his hand shaking so much?

37:47 HAH, where's that helicopter again!? I'd be so fucking out of there!!! Fuck this guy LMAO OMG, 500 shades of creepier than fuck!!!

And she just WALKS IN!!! What the fuck, this IS like a fucking horror movie!!! Dude this is disturbing as shit!!!

38:24 I know what it is fucktard!!! To the chopper, ROFLMAO!!!

38:32 "You're a fucking weirdo."

39:34 LMAO! Wow, what a fuckin' prize?! ME LUCKY CHARMS!!! ROFLMAO. This movie though! 50 shades of shit!

Only 40 minutes in!? My God, oh wait, it's on YouTube, that means I can watch on 1.25!!!

40:00 ahahahaha man, this guy is totally me though!!! This is totally my desire out of life and relationships, except for all the weird and freaked out bondage shit, I am 100% this fucking guy.

41:28 this story just went from retarded and impossible to believe... to EVEN MORE retarded and even more impossible to believe. Inwardly facepalming again. A VIRGIN?! With a whore mother like she has!? Literally the dumbest shit ever, wow. I fucking hate this movie, LMAO. Literally despise.

Sadly it doesn't flow right on 1.25 though. Too bad, so sad.

41:51 men must "throw themselves" at her?! Are you fucking KIDDING ME?!?!?!? I mean she's not ugly or anything but my God.

I literally want to jump off a cliff right now. I really do. There are no cliffs. THERE ARE NO CLIFFS. I NEED A CLIFF. I NEED A FUCKING CLIFF. NOW. STAT. GIVE ME A CLIFF.

42:30 GIVE ME A CLIFF. GIVE ME A CLIFF. It looks a whole lot like he's about to "make love" to her right now, something he explicitly said he DOESN'T DO. And it's honestly pissing me off. OMG did they really just show nipple? I don't want to see nipple. I don't want to see any of this! I hate sex scenes. What is this?! What is happening!? WHY?! 43:40 again with the nasty taking the shirt off thingy and the scars on the chest thingy, this is grotesque. Utterly grotesque. OMG. Man ass. MAN ASS. I can't handle this. WHERE IS THE CLIFF!? ANYBODY SEEN THE CLIFF?! I CAN'T FIND THE CLIFF!? *checks text messages, waits for God awful sex scene to be over* 44:46 no BS though, it looks like he sucks at sex. Maybe that's why he's exclusively into all the BDSM shit.

45:42 now he's playing some... terrible shit on the piano LMAO. Can we go back to the helicopter scene please? LMAO.

46:34 ugh now she's getting all sappy and in love... that's so annoying. Gross. Just gross, all the way around. These two are just gross.

46:56 that looks like a perfect height to jump from, anybody got a sledge hammer!?

48:20, in the bath together? Really? Do they not have a shower? Honestly if I was him, I'd be totally disinterested in her now. I'd be getting her the hell out of there and changing my number. I'd be getting one of those blondes from work to fill out my stupid contract instead, seriously sick of this chick.

STILL not even half way through the movie, OMG what the fuck am I doing and why is this taking so long?!

49:20 this is so gay... AGAIN, he puts her arms above her head and TELLS her to "hold them there", it's like, YOU HOLD THEM THERE. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HOLD THEM THERE YOURSELF YOU FLAMING HOMO!!! That's the fucking point, what IS this shit?!?!? It's like it ALMOST gets promising and then it's a total disappointment!!!

Dude I paused and got distracted texting for like 5 minutes, how the fuck am I ever supposed to get through this dumbfuck movie?! Agh. The fuck have I done.

49:50 this chick's reactions are so obnoxiously over the top, very annoying.

53:15 I'd be like "Thanks for the dick, bye dude!"

53:56 that's more like it bitch!

54:03 LOL she asks some dumb questions.

54:32 LMAO is she seriously asleep right now? I fricken hate people who sleep while other people are driving.

54:54 RANDOMLY in the fucking WOODS?!?!?!? It'd be so great if he just ax murdered her right here, honestly, I'd give it 5/5.

55:05 oh so THAT'S why he's so fucked up!!! LOL!!!

55:43 LMFAO this fucking guy and his popped collar, what a douche!!!

56:56 again with the contract, man this shit is getting old. Finally almost half way through the movie, all out total FUCK this has taken way too long. If I was him I would honestly never want to see this chick again. She's way too reluctant, it's too much trouble.

57:23, WTF is that even the same car they were in before??

58:35 man this roommate chick is sooo much more likable than she is.

1:01:51, whoa, bro just took it to a whole new level of creepy. Home invasion? Really? Pretty sure he's not a Pisces either, so it's not exactly acceptable behavior... just sayin'. At least he saved her from whatever shitty music she was listening to though.

And she just LAUGHS?! Are you fucking kidding me!? *pulls glock out of rectal cavity* Yeah I'm into anal, buddy! I gotchyer COCK right here!!!

She's STILL laughing!? This shit is not funny sister, not funny at all. It's just freaking disturbing and I'm totally weirded out that THIS is what they're forcefeeding the masses, society has truly lost it.

1:04:35 ROFLMAO that cracked me up, not gonna lie. What hole is he in?! LMFAOLOL. Dude I dunno, it looks like they're actually having sex for real right there. I'm pretty sure they were. Now I feel all defiled and shit, I don't like them thar porno movies!!!

1:05:42 wow she's gotten a lot of free sex out of this dude, good going bitch!!!

A fucking hour left, I literally want to shoot the computer right now.

Because it's totally the computer's fault that I'm watching this banal dogshit. IT SIGNED A CONTRACT OKAY?!

1:07:09 LMAO that look on her face, like she's got one over on him or something... I freaking hate this bitch.

1:08:45 ROFL, striking out all the fisting. Well, I definitely agree with her about that, I mean... can we strike out the entire 'playroom' while we're at it?

1:12:25 what the fuck, is this guy supposed to be psychic or something?? *slams face against desk repeatedly*

Dude the hole in my tights is even bigger than it was earlier, what the fuck?! Upsetting though!

1:14:46 ROFLMAO. One of the few intentionally funny moments in the movie.

1:17:06 DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?! Good God dude, I can't take this shit. *continues slamming face against desk*

1:17:54 HE SOLD HER CAR WITHOUT HER PERMISSION?! He's a fucking billionaire, the fact that he sold it at all is tight assed as fuck, LMFAO but BEYOND THAT!!! I'd be suing the fucker, oh my God hell no. LMAO! BY FAR the most fucked up part of the movie, INCLUDING the sammich snatching. All lines crossed irreparably, CROSSED. No more hanky panky for you, fuckface!!! Leagues beyond offensive, wow. LMAO. And she's just like... okay with it. What an idiot.

1:24:30 did he literally just braid her hair?? THE CLIFF. WHERE'S THE CLIFF. I NEED THE CLIFF.

1:27:00 "YOU SMELL LIKE TACOS."

1:27:40 LOL this music is ridiculous. What the fuck were these people smoking??

1:33:31 this chick is sooo hung up on sleeping in the same bed, it's so annoying.

1:35:05 OMG is he about to get in bed with her?! OMG she's breaking him, that's so depressing.

1:35:16 WAIT WUUUUUH?

1:37:00 whoa that dude is way hotter than this Grey guy!!!

1:39:24 DAAAMN her momma's got some big titties!!!

1:42:13 I couldn't eyeroll any harder right now. It's physically not possible.

1:43:00, whoa he doesn't even look like the same person from that angle. That's weird.

20 minutes left of this crap, thank God.

1:48:34 this chick is so annoying, he needs to get somebody who's more down with the program because she's totally not getting it.

1:49:22 honest to God, can't you see the guy's stressed?! Just shut the fuck up!!! ROFL!!!

I'd have to smack the shit out of her. I really would.

1:51:07, LOL how retarded is this chick?? Ahahaha.

1:52:55 I kinda wanna hold this guy down and fart in his face. It's a genuine urge I honestly had.



My conclusion...

50 Shades of Grey: "BETTER THAN TWILIGHT".

ROFLLOLROFL
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
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#2
whenever i hear about that movie i think of 2 things

the book was created as twilight fan fiction. no joke.

i found a pair of panties in a cupholder while cleaning one of the shows. i put it over the face of [iirc] melissa mccarthy's standee in the office. this was in clear view of the owners as they came in dozens of times.
rhombus will set you free.
“Just look at us. Everything is backwards, everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, psychiatrists destroy minds, scientists destroy truth, major media destroys information, religions destroy spirituality and governments destroy freedom.” ― Michael Ellner
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#3
(04-15-2018, 11:07 PM)genba Wrote: the book was created as twilight fan fiction. no joke.

ROFLMAOLOL, I know right?!?!? I freaking hated Twilight... it was so drab, so boring, so lackluster. It’s not hard to be ‘better than Twilight’.

I need to write some fan fiction inspired by Columbo.

(04-15-2018, 11:07 PM)genba Wrote: i found a pair of panties in a cupholder while cleaning one of the shows. i put it over the face of [iirc] melissa mccarthy's standee in the office. this was in clear view of the owners as they came in dozens of times.

BWHAHAHAHAHA. They thought it was hilarious.
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
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#4
I never watched it I think I watched some other porno though that was like it
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#5
Oh yeah diary of a nymphomanic or something it was called it was quite boring
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#6
I can't believe you paid even .99 cents to watch this lol!!
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#7
I thought I was the only woman in America who never read this book.
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#8
I probably could have read the book faster than it took me to watch the movie, no shit...

Banana
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
Reply
#9
My original thread about 50 Shades...

http://www.sectual.com/thread-1149.html

(03-18-2017, 07:53 PM)Trix Wrote: I have NEVER read/seen that fucking trash smut '50 Shades'... I don't need some badly written BDSM crap polluting my perversion pool. I am 100% totally satisfied with my own demented sexual dreams and desires.

But now all these novels are popping up everywhere featuring super dominating dudes and the ads and book covers are these crazy soft-core BDSM scenes. I mean it's hot as fuck but, do we REALLY need this shit around? At all?

I mean I don't think I'd ever actually read shit like that. I can't imagine ever actually wanting to watch movies about it either but I KNOWWW...

That's what's coming. Tons of more books and movies just like 50 Shades are coming down the pike and they'll probably get more and more outrageous and perverse as time goes on.

And they'll probably be wildly successful... but not because I had anything to do with it, I'll tell you that much. I will not be supporting any of this shit AT ALL.

It's all part of the societal degradation operation. It's all put out there and peddled to the masses to further erode our moral fabric.

It's true... women love to be dominated. That's what they secretly (or not so secretly, some of us are honest) dream about basically all the time. Yep. It's true. But does it need to be carved in stone and propagated in all forms of media? No. Just no.
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
Reply
#10
(04-16-2018, 10:39 AM)Trix Wrote: I probably could have read the book faster than it took me to watch the movie, no shit...

Banana

Haha I tried to watch it on TV once but didn't even make it to the good parts!
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#11
I'm surprised so many women were so into this book/movie. It just seemed pretty vanilla to me but maybe that's because the main female character was such a prude.
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#12
(04-16-2018, 10:48 AM)Kitty Wrote: Haha I tried to watch it on TV once but didn't even make it to the good parts!

TBH there were no good parts...

Except for the helicopter scene which was unintentionally hilarious.
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
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#13
Since you had something to denote through each minute of its screentime (and reading through it was exhausting), I do not think I will devote 2.5 hours of my remaining 15.5 years to watch it. "Bride of the Monster" would be a safer bet. At least there are some good laughs from watching that masterpiece:)
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#14
(04-16-2018, 10:57 AM)Kitty Wrote: It just seemed pretty vanilla to me but maybe that's because the main female character was such a prude.

I think it’s mostly just psychological appeal to the ladies.

They want the powerful dude who seems mean but who’s nice to them most of the time.

They like the idea of being dominated but they don’t actually want all the bondage crap for real, that’s why they never use 90% of the shit in his “playroom”.

It was pretty dumb though. It seemed like some shit I would write.
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
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#15
Dancing Banana 
(04-16-2018, 11:00 AM)anscochrome Wrote: Since you had something to denote through each minute of its screentime

That’s what it’s like to watch movies with me IRL.
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
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#16
(04-16-2018, 11:05 AM)Trix Wrote: That’s what it’s like to watch movies with me IRL.

Oh, are you formulating plans or something? :)  I watch movies strictly for their artistic merit (haha)
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#17
Trix if we watched a movie together you wouldnt recall half of it and would fall asleep before it ended due to sexual satisfaction and exhaustion . only losers like cosbie need rohipnal . xoxo
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#18
(04-16-2018, 12:29 PM)anscochrome Wrote: Oh, are you formulating plans or something? :)  I watch movies strictly for their artistic merit (haha)

http://www.sectual.com/thread-1812.html

Banana

(04-16-2018, 01:13 PM)Guest Wrote: Trix if we watched a movie together you wouldnt recall half of it and would fall asleep before it ended due to sexual satisfaction and exhaustion . only losers like cosbie need rohipnal . xoxo

Kinda like when I masturbate to my fave old TV shows, only not alone!!!
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
Reply
#19
Awww that's cute

http://bestsexgif.com/wp-content/uploads...t-BDSM.gif
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#20
Nice .gif!
God made me funky...
And I'm glad He blessed me that way.
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