10-22-2019, 12:26 AM
WARNING: SPOILERS. HAPPENING. BELOW. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW.
I'll embed the trailer...
I'm watching it on Amazon because it comes with my Prime membership. Sooo...
Watching this trailer, I'm just thinking man. This is NOT going to be a good movie. LMFAO!
Like... I was never into Josh Hartnett back in the day. I really wasn't. He's just too... young.
But anyway, I found this movie on this IMDb list somebody helpfully made: https://www.imdb.com/list/ls043081446/
I've been on a psycho/stalker movie kick for the past couple days cuz it makes me horny.
So I will give this movie a shot but... if I start watching a movie and I think it sucks balls, I will just stop watching it and post the review unfinished. That's all there is to it.
Definitely zero faith in this movie to be any good, but let's give it a go anyways!
0:30 in and I'm already not loving it... fucking cringey early 2000s music, man. Agh, the worst.
0:50 and I'm pretty sure this isn't even a creepy stalker movie either. I'm not looking for romantic shit here. Agh, probably not gonna make it through this one.
1:20 Josh is definitely hot though, I mean for sure.
He kinda looks like Tommy Lee Jones. Hmmmm... wonder if Tommy Lee Jones has ever played any creepy stalker psycho characters.
1:40 fuck man... Josh isn't just hot, he's fucking insanely beautiful. He's got a nice voice too, I like that. He's INSANELY fucking hot. He's got a GREAT voice.
5:10 LMAO they don't know what THE FUCK THAT MEANS. AT ALL.
6:40 uuuhhh... what the fuck?? The fuck is going on here?? What the hell just happened?? Dammit I should have been watching harder. Am I gonna have to rewind this shit?? The fuck kinda movie is this??
7:45 what in the actual fuck??
7:53 I need some fucking help... right in the pants.
8:12 God this guy is seriously fucking beautiful, like for real. I mean those eyes... good God. Why make anybody that beautiful?? What is the point?? What's the use?? Seems a little ridiculous to me.
8:47 I can tell this is gonna be one of those movies where I have nooooooooo idea what the fuck is going on. At all. I already totally don't and I have no intention of actually going back and rewatching and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, cuz fuck it.
9:48 oh God. Please. No. Make it... fucking stop.
11:27 I want this guy to jerk off all over my face sooo bad.
12:06 whatever the hell is going on, that chick is DEFINITELY in on it.
14:00 what the FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK is going on in this movie????? Whose apartment is he even in??? WHAT IS this shit??
15:08 you know what? I'm just going to read the fucking plot while I watch the movie. Fuck this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicker_Park_(film)
Okay sooo...
Apparently he's having flashbacks. It's attempting to tell the story of when he met this Lisa chick and how they got together or something (no idea).
Agh... I gotta be honest with ya right now, if Josh Hartnett wasn't so damn fuckin' gorgeous, I WOULD NOT be watching this movie.
It's one of "those kinda movies" that are all confusing and shit just because somebody thought it was "clever" or artistic somehow. Or maybe they do it to overcomplicate an otherwise plain and boring story. Who knows why they do it... but I have always FUCKINGGG hated movies like this. I'm just saying.
16:17 the dude is fuckin' sexy as fuck, kinda creepy which makes it even hotter.
16:55 dude I don't think this chick is even real. Legit.
17:40 she IS a charming chick though, I can't blame him.
18:48 dude I would let this Josh Hartnett guy fuck my face so hard.
21:10 "Wish I was in California right now"... whoa whoa there buddy, too many more statements like that and you'll cease to be sexy!!!
21:45 homeboy's deeeeep thoooooouuuugggggggghhhhhh.
24:55 White Stripes' "Good To Me" playing during their lil sex scene, I find that very apropos. Never heard it before. And the strange part about it was that Jack's voice wasn't really what tipped me off, nor was it his guitar... it was actually Meg's unique drumming. She was the magic.
27:44 please tell me he killed her. Seriously.
38:28 honestly... kinda think this movie's dumb as a box of shit, and I really don't give two fucks about it. Not sure why I'm still watching.
41:56 I mean look how lucky this bitch is... she comes home and there's this HOT AS FUCK dude in her apartment just waiting. God... only in the movies.
42:16 wonderful shit like this never happens in real life.
43:00 LMAO. Poor confused bastard! Doesn't make him any less fuckable!
44:10 well at least she's warming up to him! LMFAO! Oh my God! This reminds me of the "Stockholm Syndrome Dating" bit from Warren B. Hall's Dry Bar Comedy skit: http://www.sectual.com/thread-13817-post...l#pid99744
46:16 uhhh... planes take off 24 hours a fucking day.
47:26 pretty sure NOBODY would have watched this fucking movie if Josh Hartnett wasn't hot as fuck.
51:20 this is so ridiculously unrealistic, nobody would ever leave a dude that hot in real life without saying anything. It's so dumb it's not even believable on any level.
53:58 chick creeps me out a lil bit.
56:30 dude if I wasn't LITERALLY READING THE PLOT WHILST WATCHING THIS FUCKING MOVIE, I would have NO FUCKING IDEA WHATSOEVER what the actual pure and TOTAL FUCK is GOING ON at any given time.
And honestly like... I STILL DON'T 100% GET IT. Even with the flashbacks and the fucking plot spoilers, I genuinely still don't 100% fucking get it.
59:17 whoa, this is the first I've noticed this Lisa chick has an accent. It really suits her.
1:01:15 am I fucking missing something, like why did the Lisa chick disappear in the first place? Out of the Matt dude's life? Seriously? What the fuck happened? I seriously don't get it.
1:07:40 it's creepy, it's sad, it's my life!
1:09:20 ahhh... it's all starting to come together now.
1:10:35 honestly, at least she got to fuck him. I'd probably just let it go.
1:11:06 that seriously sucks y'all. I'm honestly on Alex's side.
1:11:45 here's what I don't get... it's not like Matthew fell off the face of the fucking earth, they're still in same city, so if she's hung up on him then why in the FUCK didn't she just go see him in person? Fucking stupid.
1:20:27 aw I feel sorry for this guy too.
1:20:50 LOL why the fuck is this chick getting the shit end of the stick so hard in life? Honestly, I really identify with her. LMAO! I REALLY identify with her.
1:24:00 it is ONLY at this point that it becomes an even remotely good movie in any capacity.
1:24:20 aaaggghhh. Low blow. Gotta say. LOL. I mean. I understand why she's doing it but. Meh.
1:25:15 awe. This is so fucked up.
1:28:00 LOL they're calling her crazy, yet she's the one he was with lastnight when he had an amazing time, LMAO. Agh. This movie yo.
1:29:20 starting to get low key creepy at this point.
1:30:20 this movie is some fucked up shit dude.
1:30:55 this is... some fucked up shit.
1:32:20 this movie is just a bunch of ridiculously good looking people tripping balls over each other... *facepalm*
I can't believe I spent hours of my life watching this shit.
Okay it's been like 90 minutes, but still.
1:35:06 uh oh... he's got her.
Why did it take an hour and a half for this to become an even remotely decent story??
How is that right or okay??
1:38:10 awwwwkkkkwwwwaaaaaarrrrrrrdddddd.
1:42:00 honestly, I'm still on this chick's side.
1:43:00 LOL that poor guy has no fucking clue what just happened.
I'll embed the trailer...
I'm watching it on Amazon because it comes with my Prime membership. Sooo...
Watching this trailer, I'm just thinking man. This is NOT going to be a good movie. LMFAO!
Like... I was never into Josh Hartnett back in the day. I really wasn't. He's just too... young.
But anyway, I found this movie on this IMDb list somebody helpfully made: https://www.imdb.com/list/ls043081446/
I've been on a psycho/stalker movie kick for the past couple days cuz it makes me horny.
So I will give this movie a shot but... if I start watching a movie and I think it sucks balls, I will just stop watching it and post the review unfinished. That's all there is to it.
Definitely zero faith in this movie to be any good, but let's give it a go anyways!
0:30 in and I'm already not loving it... fucking cringey early 2000s music, man. Agh, the worst.
0:50 and I'm pretty sure this isn't even a creepy stalker movie either. I'm not looking for romantic shit here. Agh, probably not gonna make it through this one.
1:20 Josh is definitely hot though, I mean for sure.
He kinda looks like Tommy Lee Jones. Hmmmm... wonder if Tommy Lee Jones has ever played any creepy stalker psycho characters.
1:40 fuck man... Josh isn't just hot, he's fucking insanely beautiful. He's got a nice voice too, I like that. He's INSANELY fucking hot. He's got a GREAT voice.
5:10 LMAO they don't know what THE FUCK THAT MEANS. AT ALL.
6:40 uuuhhh... what the fuck?? The fuck is going on here?? What the hell just happened?? Dammit I should have been watching harder. Am I gonna have to rewind this shit?? The fuck kinda movie is this??
7:45 what in the actual fuck??
7:53 I need some fucking help... right in the pants.
8:12 God this guy is seriously fucking beautiful, like for real. I mean those eyes... good God. Why make anybody that beautiful?? What is the point?? What's the use?? Seems a little ridiculous to me.
8:47 I can tell this is gonna be one of those movies where I have nooooooooo idea what the fuck is going on. At all. I already totally don't and I have no intention of actually going back and rewatching and trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, cuz fuck it.
9:48 oh God. Please. No. Make it... fucking stop.
11:27 I want this guy to jerk off all over my face sooo bad.
12:06 whatever the hell is going on, that chick is DEFINITELY in on it.
14:00 what the FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK is going on in this movie????? Whose apartment is he even in??? WHAT IS this shit??
15:08 you know what? I'm just going to read the fucking plot while I watch the movie. Fuck this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicker_Park_(film)
Okay sooo...
Apparently he's having flashbacks. It's attempting to tell the story of when he met this Lisa chick and how they got together or something (no idea).
Agh... I gotta be honest with ya right now, if Josh Hartnett wasn't so damn fuckin' gorgeous, I WOULD NOT be watching this movie.
It's one of "those kinda movies" that are all confusing and shit just because somebody thought it was "clever" or artistic somehow. Or maybe they do it to overcomplicate an otherwise plain and boring story. Who knows why they do it... but I have always FUCKINGGG hated movies like this. I'm just saying.
16:17 the dude is fuckin' sexy as fuck, kinda creepy which makes it even hotter.
16:55 dude I don't think this chick is even real. Legit.
17:40 she IS a charming chick though, I can't blame him.
18:48 dude I would let this Josh Hartnett guy fuck my face so hard.
21:10 "Wish I was in California right now"... whoa whoa there buddy, too many more statements like that and you'll cease to be sexy!!!
21:45 homeboy's deeeeep thoooooouuuugggggggghhhhhh.
24:55 White Stripes' "Good To Me" playing during their lil sex scene, I find that very apropos. Never heard it before. And the strange part about it was that Jack's voice wasn't really what tipped me off, nor was it his guitar... it was actually Meg's unique drumming. She was the magic.
27:44 please tell me he killed her. Seriously.
38:28 honestly... kinda think this movie's dumb as a box of shit, and I really don't give two fucks about it. Not sure why I'm still watching.
41:56 I mean look how lucky this bitch is... she comes home and there's this HOT AS FUCK dude in her apartment just waiting. God... only in the movies.
42:16 wonderful shit like this never happens in real life.
43:00 LMAO. Poor confused bastard! Doesn't make him any less fuckable!
44:10 well at least she's warming up to him! LMFAO! Oh my God! This reminds me of the "Stockholm Syndrome Dating" bit from Warren B. Hall's Dry Bar Comedy skit: http://www.sectual.com/thread-13817-post...l#pid99744
46:16 uhhh... planes take off 24 hours a fucking day.
47:26 pretty sure NOBODY would have watched this fucking movie if Josh Hartnett wasn't hot as fuck.
51:20 this is so ridiculously unrealistic, nobody would ever leave a dude that hot in real life without saying anything. It's so dumb it's not even believable on any level.
53:58 chick creeps me out a lil bit.
56:30 dude if I wasn't LITERALLY READING THE PLOT WHILST WATCHING THIS FUCKING MOVIE, I would have NO FUCKING IDEA WHATSOEVER what the actual pure and TOTAL FUCK is GOING ON at any given time.
And honestly like... I STILL DON'T 100% GET IT. Even with the flashbacks and the fucking plot spoilers, I genuinely still don't 100% fucking get it.
59:17 whoa, this is the first I've noticed this Lisa chick has an accent. It really suits her.
1:01:15 am I fucking missing something, like why did the Lisa chick disappear in the first place? Out of the Matt dude's life? Seriously? What the fuck happened? I seriously don't get it.
1:07:40 it's creepy, it's sad, it's my life!
1:09:20 ahhh... it's all starting to come together now.
1:10:35 honestly, at least she got to fuck him. I'd probably just let it go.
1:11:06 that seriously sucks y'all. I'm honestly on Alex's side.
1:11:45 here's what I don't get... it's not like Matthew fell off the face of the fucking earth, they're still in same city, so if she's hung up on him then why in the FUCK didn't she just go see him in person? Fucking stupid.
1:20:27 aw I feel sorry for this guy too.
1:20:50 LOL why the fuck is this chick getting the shit end of the stick so hard in life? Honestly, I really identify with her. LMAO! I REALLY identify with her.
1:24:00 it is ONLY at this point that it becomes an even remotely good movie in any capacity.
1:24:20 aaaggghhh. Low blow. Gotta say. LOL. I mean. I understand why she's doing it but. Meh.
1:25:15 awe. This is so fucked up.
1:28:00 LOL they're calling her crazy, yet she's the one he was with lastnight when he had an amazing time, LMAO. Agh. This movie yo.
1:29:20 starting to get low key creepy at this point.
1:30:20 this movie is some fucked up shit dude.
1:30:55 this is... some fucked up shit.
1:32:20 this movie is just a bunch of ridiculously good looking people tripping balls over each other... *facepalm*
I can't believe I spent hours of my life watching this shit.
Okay it's been like 90 minutes, but still.
1:35:06 uh oh... he's got her.
Why did it take an hour and a half for this to become an even remotely decent story??
How is that right or okay??
1:38:10 awwwwkkkkwwwwaaaaaarrrrrrrdddddd.
1:42:00 honestly, I'm still on this chick's side.
1:43:00 LOL that poor guy has no fucking clue what just happened.