We love nutritious goat milk, give us more goat milk, and give us kefir too...

[Mister Obvious]

We're from America and we want goat milk. I'm from Kentucky and goat milk is my favorite.

I would like to purchase goat milk and kefir from all major grocery store chains.

[Mister Obvious]

I am still completely obsessed with goat milk.

The obsession has only gotten deeper.

And more intense.

[Mister Obvious]

So much deeper and more intense...

So much more achingly potent.

[Mister Obvious]

But don't worry, I have found a way to fulfill all my goat milk needs.

I am not at liberty to discuss specifics at this time but...

Suffice it to say...

I am gonna be getting all my goat milk needs met.

[Mister Obvious]

My ancestry is basically pure Scot...

https://hartkeisonline.com/2012/02/01/sc...ional-diet

Apparently goats were kind of a big deal in the ancient Scottish diet...

So it makes sense that I need/want/desire goat milk with the passionate fire of 1000 suns.

[Mister Obvious]

I am gonna be getting all my goat milk needs met.

Thank you God!!!

[Mister Obvious]

It's taken YEARS for me to find a solution to my goat milk needs.

As you can see, since 2019.

It took a long time to get here...

But we're here!!!

[somethingelseishere]

A few years ago I had vegetarian haggis. It wasn't disgusting but the one bite was clearly enough!
I was told the real deal is far worse. *gags*

[somethingelseishere]

Annie done went and bought a goat off Craigslist.

[somethingelseishere]

That's a conversation I'd PAY to hear!!

Annie: "How long are them teeth?"
Goat seller: "My teeth?"
Annie: "Naw bitch, the goats!!"
GS: "Uuuuhh, normal, length?"
Annie: "Look here, you gotta measure them shits! I ain't finna pay for a granny goat, feel me?"
GS: "It's three years old."
Annie: "Aww see, ya done lost me. That's a bag of walkin' leather. How much did you say again?"
GS: "Two-fifty?"
Annie: *sounds of high-pitched screeching*
GS: "Jesus Christ!!!"
Annie: "I'll get back to you..." *hangs up phone*

[Mister Obvious]

It's like that episode of Designing Women where Suzanne buys a pot bellied pig as a pet and takes it with her everywhere, and it's just walking around the house lmfaoooooo.

[somethingelseishere]

In this episode - Annie foregoes the dilemma of phone calls. This is an in-person kinda deal.

Annie walks up to the barn, greets the man selling dairy goats.

Man: "So, you called about a goat?"
Annie: "Sure did! Point the way!" 
Man: "Right around here."

The man walks to the right and just beside the barn where a large pen of several goats can be seen.

Man: "Any particular breed or size? We've got a few different kinds to meet..."

The man is cut short by a shocking surprize. His eyes bulge, mouth agape.

Annie has pulled her shirt up all the way - revealing a very tight fitting halter-top bra and
six small, half-filled water balloons taped to her stomach; mimicking teats. She bears no shame. 

The man looks on in disbelief.

Annie: "Oh, you don't think I ran the logistics on this? I ain't no turnip!"
Man: "Uuuh, what... uh... why do you..."

He's cut short by our endeavoring livestock entrepreneur.

Annie: "See, I need milk. Goat's milk. So if I'm to know which one is the RIGHT one, there's gotta
be a connection, you dig?"

The man stands there, speechless, staring at the partially filled balloons leaking down
onto Annie's light-blue faded jean shorts. This wasn't his ordinary sale.

Annie: "So if you will kindly excuse me, I need to see what's what here..."

She pushes past the bewildered man and enters the goat pen.

Annie: *yells* "Alright babies, who loves their momma!!!!"

Annie begins chasing the small herd of goats around the pen in hopes of finding "The One".


To be continued... ??

[Mister Obvious]

That's it.

I am devoting the rest of my life to goats.



I've found my purpose, I've found my calling.

I am the Goat Whisperer.

[Mister Obvious]

You are the woman Goat...



https://imgur.com/a/2zvsZbg

[somethingelseishere]

That story came to be in the 60 seconds I stood watching my meatloaf spin
circles in the microwave. I'll learn me some multi-taskin' yet!

[Mister Obvious]

I just wanted to say...

I think about goat milk all the time.

Can't get it off my mind.

[Mister Obvious]

I swear "goat milk" isn't even a euphemism for anything...

I'm literally just...

Legitimately talking about goat milk.

[Mister Obvious]

And how much I love it and need it in my life.

And I'm just so excited because all my goat milk dreams are finally coming true.

This is what life is REALLY about.

[Mister Obvious]

Life is about goat milk.

[Mister Obvious]

Goat milk is the milk of domestic goats. Goats produce about 2% of the world's total annual milk supply. Some goats are bred specifically for milk.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goat_milk

TWO PERCENT@?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

Lactose content: about 4.20%

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/doe...ve-lactose

FOUR TWENTY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!