Slept with new neighbour first night...

[Dink Beaver]

I am imagining her like this
work her over good

https://tpc.googlesyndication.com/simgad/10066078383553699813?sqp=4sqPyQQ7QjkqNxABHQAAtEIgASgBMAk4A0DwkwlYAWBfcAKAAQGIAQGdAQAAgD-oAQGwAYCt4gS4AV_FAS2ynT4&rs=AOga4qnecwpfZjrp9APRnT4NBaiWRGZELg

[Mister Obvious]

I can hear the bed squeaking from here.

[Mister Obvious]

I'm not trying to be a third wheel or anything, but I have some WD-40 if you guys need me to come over and fix that real quick.

[Mister Obvious]

I'll use the full on spray instead of the lil straw thingy, trust me... this shit will stop anything from squeaking, it just doesn't even matter what it is.

[MANIC HEADBUTTER]

I'll use the full on spray instead of the lil straw thingy, trust me... this shit will stop anything from squeaking, it just doesn't even matter what it is.

MO do you like doing some gardening? I know you don't cos you a bit fair skinned sun harms you poor lass.
But maybe plant the flowers for the honey bees to have sex with? Cos it makes more of the nature.
But if you can't do it maybe hire someone? Cos an avid gardener is for the nature :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcnIhzaDTd0

[Mister Obvious]

But maybe plant the flowers for the honey bees to have sex with?

Well when you put it that way!?

[Mister Obvious]

I like it when people know exactly what to say to me in order to make sure I retain information, become motivated, and just truly understand the essence of the statement...

[CUNT HEADED FUCKHOLE]

You are a likable war goddess did anyone ever tell you that? 
Well they should have.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Daeto_Nbe3Q

[Mister Obvious]

I like you too, Fuckhole.

[Guest]

I just moved in to a new place last wednesday..
woke up in neighbours bed thursday morning.

it started as i was haulng stuff in, she held the door open for me. then as we went in the building, i saw she was my neighbour. I introduced myself, and continued on moving.
later on, she starts talking to me from the patio, 
I mention her by name and she asks, how did you remember my name?

ï said it's the most beautiful name ever, how could i forget...
;)

then she invited me for a drink after..

when i showed up, i showed up with non alcoholic beers...
when she realized i dont drink, she smiled even more...

as the night progressed, i told her i still have to move in my bed. 
she said no problem, i could stay there but no sex.

but do you think that ever happens? hehe..

found out she is unvaccinated too..


God we had fun..

not looking for a GF and she's not looking for a BF, so its perfect.

shes fucking hot too, one would think shes a stripper.


so fucking happy i moved!

Talk about an act of desperation. What a fucking loser.

[panthers]

The Nudening

bahahaha, you are fucking awesome

Our man Panthers is slavin' away to that pussay as we speak!?!

good lord she's a nympho..

Dude but like my thing is...

What if she always does this to whoever lives in that apartment next to her and that's why it was empty...

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!!!!!!

Lmfao.

Like what if she's some kinda (hot) psycho, bunny boiler type?!

Lmfaolol, okay this line of thought is just way too fun.

it was a girl who lived in my apartment before, after covid she couldnt afford the rent.
there are sooo many girls, in this new building.
the neighbour on the otherside is about 25 years old, on friday she had a party, and all i could hear was college girls.

apparently the neighbour im banging is moving next month..
i am so fucking in heaven right now...

decent lead in for a tales from the crypt episode.

wasnt the crypt keeper played by the late Senator John Mccains wife???

[Image: https://chenzhen.files.wordpress.com/200....jpg?w=584]

[panthers]

got a text last night from an old flame too, (22 year old stripper)
she's coming over wednesday night to see the new place... and we all know what that means.. hehe

the pheromones are peaking, I feel unstoppable now.
probably a great time to ask out the hot accountant at work...

when the sun is shining, gotta make hay. :)

[Guest]

Did you check her for STD's first?

[Mister Obvious]

I'm guessing he didn't.

And I'm cringing inside, especially after reading the stripper part.

This is how stuff spreads.

He said he wears condoms but that can't save you from everything!!!

[Mister Obvious]

This is why I don't have sex with people.

It's a gross nasty world out there and people lie.

[Mister Obvious]

Panthers kinda reminds me of this neighbor dude who used to live down the road from me in Newfoundland...

Short version?!

So this guy comes over to hang out with my dad and his friend, and they start drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

One thing leads to another, and a few hours later, things have gotten pretty rowdy.

Holes are getting punched in the walls, the smell of vomit lingers in the air, the dudes are just yelling and laughing and making no linguistic sense anymore.

Eventually I'm like fuck this, I'm outta here...

I turn the corner in the hall and head for the door, and all I see is the neighbor guy on the ground in a chokehold with my dad's friend sitting on top of him and they're all laughing and struggling and shit.

At this point I steal the family van and go for a midnight drive.

Well the day after next, we're fuckin' leaving town and we see neighbor guy out by the docks while we're saying bye to some people. He comes over to us and he looks SCARED AS SHIT, he's all bruised up and he'd gotten strangled so hard that his voice was hoarse. My dad gave him some kinda fisherman suit gear because he felt bad for him.

And that was my summer vacation!

[Mister Obvious]

Neighbor dude was a douche though, he had it coming.

At this point I steal the family van and go for a midnight drive.

So I come back about an hour later to see if things have calmed down...

I'm in the driveway, my dad's friend comes up to the passenger window and I'm like, "Dude is that motherfucker gone yet?!"

He's like "Naaah, they're still in there, I think your dad's taken a liking to him!!!"

I'm like damn, well I ain't coming back inside until that motherfucker is gone. My dad's friend is like, "Yeah I don't really like the dude!" And I just look at him like, "I FUCKING GATHERED."

So dad's friend gets in the van, and we start driving down the coast again. I'm driving for like 20 minutes, and I'm like man this shit has gotta stop, we're gonna go back and you gotta get that fucking guy out of the house. We turn around and start heading back.

It's like 2AM, and we pass this bar...

There's a car with the headlights on, and there's this dude and this chick in front of the car. He's standing there leaning against the hood, his pants are around his ankles, and she's on her knees just going fucking ham, I guess she was getting paid or something.

They kinda stopped for a second looked all stunned and shit, but they were just trying to see if there were lights on top of our car (no police)... soon as they see we're just normal passerbys, she gets right back to slobbing that knob and the dude is just laughing.

Me and dad's friend get back to the house, neighbor guy is finally gone, and the sound of my dad heaving is just echoing through the halls.

[panthers]

Did you check her for STD's first?

where do you live, Baltimore?

Panthers kinda reminds me of this neighbor dude who used to live down the road from me in Newfoundland...

Short version?!

So this guy comes over to hang out with my dad and his friend, and they start drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

One thing leads to another, and a few hours later, things have gotten pretty rowdy.

Holes are getting punched in the walls, the smell of vomit lingers in the air, the dudes are just yelling and laughing and making no linguistic sense anymore.

Eventually I'm like fuck this, I'm outta here...

I turn the corner in the hall and head for the door, and all I see is the neighbor guy on the ground in a chokehold with my dad's friend sitting on top of him and they're all laughing and struggling and shit.

At this point I steal the family van and go for a midnight drive.

Well the day after next, we're fuckin' leaving town and we see neighbor guy out by the docks while we're saying bye to some people. He comes over to us and he looks SCARED AS SHIT, he's all bruised up and he'd gotten strangled so hard that his voice was hoarse. My dad gave him some kinda fisherman suit gear because he felt bad for him.

And that was my summer vacation!

we call newfoundlanders, newfies. 
they are a special bunch.
just like the incel from Baltimore. 

i dont drink, havent for almost 6 years.
the neighbour got loser drunk last night,
not a fan.

now i am slowly disassociating myself..
but damn she is one finely built women.

[Mister Obvious]

the neighbour got loser drunk last night,
not a fan.

now i am slowly disassociating myself..

Eww, yeesh.

I just got like this whole big impression of the experience by reading that, LOL!

It sucks when chicks get MEGA fucking drunk when you're supposed to be getting jiggy with it...

I guess it sucks when anybody does that.

Like, why can't you enjoy this moment sober?

[Mister Obvious]

I have a strict no drinking (or drugs) rule too.

Well unless it's psychedelics.

I want to enjoy someone's company stone sober...

The experience really should be the high.