Paris Hilton: My Celeb Soulmate

[Mister Obvious]

If I was Paris?

Hah.

I'd be putting up a contact form on parishilton.com/apply, I'd be having dudes submit their info and social media, and I'd be having a few managers sift through the submissions to validate that they're really who they say they are...

I'd be having them select only the hottest ones that they've verified to be legitimate, then I'd be having them sort those legitimate hotties by the ones who seem the smartest...

And I'd be going through a big long list of "Paris, I wanna be your babydaddy" applicants and choosing who the fuck I wanted...

5 years ago.