I took myself out on a breakfast date...

[Mister Obvious]

I imagine the whole place was in awe at your presence. :)

I basically went to a Waffle House knockoff. I like this place better than Waffle House though cuz they let you have a table even if you're just one person. At Waffle House they make you sit at the bar when you're alone. I don't like that because it makes my legs look fat.

There was this guy sitting in front of me at the bar, I was in the first table beside the bar...

We kept having these super awkward and cringey accidental eye contact incidents.

Luckily like a good millennial, I had a phone to bury my face and in and post on the internet about how much I love myself.

You will have to invite me to the wedding.

So I can be the distressed suitor that shows up just in time to proclaim his undying love

and carry you off on a white horse into the sunset. :)

You don't have to ask me twice, baby!!!

I do!!!

I've already got the ring, don't worry about it.