I can't sleep and I'm feeling sorry for myself

[GG]

I have to say GG, first of all, there is a lot of value and wisdom in your post.

It's not common you see people who can put their worries into a form that is actually helpful and useful for other people.

You're giving of yourself at the same time as expressing what's weighing on you...

Because I think it comes naturally to you to be that way.

I just really value and respect that.

I don't know what to say about your friend, because I don't know that I've ever had a friendship like that with anybody.  I know that sounds weird, but it's true. I'm just not very attached to people. I'm sure your friend does think of you though, I don't know how she couldn't.

The most important thing is that you have a place to live. This is one main reason why I think it's so important that everyone at least owns a vehicle (nothing that can be repossessed). As long is there is SOME TYPE of roof over your head, a vehicle, and somewhere to park it, then things are automatically better than the alternative (not having that).

I'm just so grateful that you have a job lined up. It's going to make you feel good for a lot of reasons.

The real truth of the matter is, we may lose anything which is outside of ourselves, but we will always have ourselves. A lot of people can't stand the idea of that. A lot of people have to have an intricate selection of distractions and can't imagine themselves without those distractions. Sometimes, life takes us to a space where we are brought back to the basics. Sometimes life grounds us entirely. I think the reason is that from that viewpoint, you're able to really focus on those things that mean the most to you. When you get back into the game, your methods are much more refined.

And then there are times when life direction just changes entirely. I'd say you could be on the precipice of such a change. You may discover places, people, or any variety of other activities or hobbies which make you decide that you want to change everything. I don't know, I just feel like this is really possible.

You're really beautiful, GG. I mean inside and out... I'm not talking about some superficial crap. You are TRULY beautiful.

And I just want to say specifically on the topic of the internet and forums... there are nasty personalities out there (hosted within very few people, I'd say perhaps even 1 or 2 people) who become fixated on and like to target certain other personalities. These are very ugly (in word and deed) people who have been doing what they do for a great many years. You absolutely should not take any of it personally. I feel bad for people who come along and are targeted by such personalities... and you are by no means "new". So consider the scope of what I'm saying, this is a huge timeframe... before you even came along, "these people" have been doing this.

Anyways babe... hold onto yourself. You are your most prized possession (there is nothing greater attainable). As long as you have yourself, you've got plenty of rays of hope and trails of light to follow. You WILL be okay. Never cease to see yourself in a light of appreciation (the way I see you, and other people see you). You are rich. Wealthy. Take comfort within yourself and understand that all you need is to nurture that love/appreciation for yourself.

I love you so much, GG.

I've always felt a connection with you Trix. I love that you always seem to take the time to respond so genuinely to mt texts and posts... it shows that you really care and mean what you say. You are just such a great person, and I love you!

Thank you. You have always lifted me up and encouraged me. 

You've always seemed to wise beyond your years. You must have an old soul. You're always dead-on right about things too. 

It's so true.... just having a vehicle is security. I'm never afraid of how I'll get by. It might not be fun...because I'm a very private person, but I could totally survive living out of my car if I had to. Being in California... I mean, really??  The weather is always nice, so I wouldn't be freezing..  and there's lots of support and good people here. I'd totally get by.

When I typed all of that I really just wanted to vent a little. I'm guessing you might be a little like me, and don't really have people in your daily life that you can just vent to. Sometimes it feels good just to write thoughts out as they come, unfiltered, even if no one is gong to read them. I figured I'd do that but also have people read them. I even copied what I posted here and posted it on my FB page. I think being vulnerable and real allows people to really connect. I'm not ashamed of anything about myself. We're all just human and we are all in need of love and acceptance. There's no shame in reaching out or telling people how you feel.

I decide to go get my drug test tonight, and I passed. Since I hurt my back... or actually my hip I think last night trying to carry my dog, I wanted to take a pain pill. I took half of one and boy, I feel great right now. lol. 

So I wanted to thank you for always being so kind to me. I really do love you, Trix. One day I hope we can meet for a low-key hangout and pillow fight!

Take care sweetie. I'm fine and all is good.

<3