WARNING: SPOILERS. HAPPENING. BELOW. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW.
One of the reviews on Amazon essentially says "Thankfully this came for free with Prime"... sooo, I'm guessing generally people think it sucks. Sometimes that can either mean it's a great movie, or that it really does suck.
Let's find out...
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2239822/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerian_a...nd_Planets
https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0748PJSBJ/
0:35 it starts out with the original Space Oddity by David Bowie, which uhhh... is better than a lot of gayass song choices some of these new movies make. Even more detestable when they get a super cringe new "artist" to make a mortifying cover of a classic. Is this song choice a good sign in my opinion? Yeah, I mean... TBH I feel like it is.
That "Europa" graphic was pretty fucking rad.
1:30 those hotass astronauts though... I totes wanna bang. I have an astronaut fetish:
http://www.sectual.com/thread-10489.html
2:15 ROFLMAO I was like "WTF are those aliens??"
2:58 aaand it's aliens.
LOL... one of the reasons I haven't watched this movie sooner is because of the animations. I just don't really like animated crap, if it's too cartoony it's crap to me. I just can't take it seriously.
At this point I'm still not seeing any red flags that would suggest pure suck to me, but let's keep watching.
3:56 meh... this endless array of aliens is just dumb. They don't look like that, they don't travel that way, that's not what it is and that's not what it'll be. Hate to break it to ya. Here I explain why:
http://www.sectual.com/thread-472-post-5...ml#pid5378
4:35 I think they're being a lil optimistic about how smart people are gonna be in 2150 but go on ahead with your bad selves.
5:08 FOUR HUNDRED FUCKING YEARS LATER??? The fuck what is this, 2550 now??
5:26 ooo, lookit this sparkly magical lookin' bitch. I bet fuckers that look like that really do exist on some planet out there... thing is they'd never be able to come here and we'd never be able to go there. Period. End of story. Incompatible particles and all that, read the above link muhfuckas.
6:00 I mean yeah, it's fuckin' stupid... but it IS very pretty. (That's what HE said. Giggity. Giggity.)
7:00 I dunno, so far I think this movie is pretty rad. Totally fuckin' stupid, but pretty rad.
7:40 so let me guess, nothing bad ever happens in this pretty, colorful world where they just collect magical pearls all day... UNTIL, dun dun dunnn, A DISASTER STRIKES NECESSITATING CAROL DEVELINE OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS AND HER CUTE BROFRIEND TO COME AND SAVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:15 they all look the same and I think this was a complaint of one of the Amazon reviewers as well.
9:20 aaand, there it is.
Okay look, just because it's predictable AF doesn't make it BAD.
10:30 wait, is that the big ship from the beginning?
11:40 awe damn dude that's hardcore, was that really necessary come on.
12:26 oh to be as chill as these motherfuckers are man, see that's me right there dude. I just about done went and cried over this shit. This is one of my big dreams... turning around open arms to face the earth encircling "fire tsunami". Deep, y'all, deep.
12:48 awe yeah, Sarah Delevagene is pretty hot though.
13:15 these two play pretty rough, I like that!!!
This Dane DeHann dude is pretty hot...
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2851530/
Crazy hot TBH...
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/100...00x400.jpg
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/...SX679_.jpg
You can't really get much hotter than that.
16:09 her character is a bitch and I don't like her so far... hopefully they'll start to make her more likable.
17:54 awwwe, they're so cuuute.
23:00 hmmm... massive city in another dimension as people are walking around in what looks like a barren desert, it's an interesting concept.
28:00 sooo... what the fuck are they trying to say here? Like. Are they trying to assert that they're space traveling, but that the aliens themselves are interdimensional? So they travel the planets, but the aliens who are on those planets are in another dimension?? Dude what the actual fuck... I've truly lost the plot here. I'm not sure what they're trying to imply. Because there've been actual aliens and they've met aliens face to face, but these aliens are in another dimension? I mean what the hell. And why are they fighting interdimensional aliens?
29:00 I mean TBH there are a lot of hotass dudes in this movie. Like a lot.
29:27 why are they able to be affected by shit in this other dimension??
31:00 I mean what the hell. This is some weird shit. It's definitely symbolic... it's like totally valid but at the same time it's not really something I care about that much so I am not going to spend much time down the rabbit hole about it.
35:30 this is the part I saw in previews and it's what made me figure that ultimately I wouldn't like this movie because of the animation. Actually watching it though, it's not bad at all.
42:20 I mean I still think it's totally stupid, but somehow interesting. Such a strange dichotomy with this movie.
I mean I'm just gonna come right out and say it, so far I think this is a pretty great fucking movie.
44:30 this commander dude makes quite a broad statement saying "behind every weapon is a killer"... normally a neurolinguistic programming kinda line like that would piss me off and make me hate whatever I was watching. This time, though, it's sorta different... these main characters are suspicious of these guys already and that statement didn't help. I find it interesting, so I'm not going to immediately hate. I will just say there's absolutely nothing that hollyweird does these days that isn't 100% total propaganda with "entertainment" begrudgingly sprinkled in here and there. Whereas this movie so far as I can tell is about 90% propaganda, meaning it has a touch more actual entertainment sprinkled in than they usually do.
52:15 these shiny fuckers can kick some ass, I like them.
55:50 I should appreciate the stunning visual brilliance of this scene, but intellectually... I just don't appreciate it that much.
57:18 but it always redeems itself... so far.
1:01:00 YEAH WHAT SHE MOTHERFUCKIN' SAID.
1:02:40 LOL I usually fuckinggg hate characters like these three little fuckers, but for some reason... agh, I don't hate it.
I low key hate the 'girl power' undertones though... very annoying, but I do like this movie so I guess I'll tolerate it. Even though they really haven't made me like Caca Detevale's character any more than I did at the beginning.
1:05:20 LOL I like this guy.
1:07:40 as far as pretty colors, this is probably the best movie I've ever seen.
1:08:08 again they have decent songs in this movie, and it still suggests quality.
1:09:40 honestly I could fap to this scene.
1:13:00 I love their aggressive hands on relationship... it's pretty hot, makes me wanna bang.
1:15:15 saw that one coming from a mile away.
1:20:00 LOL... fucking honestly, I like this fucking movie. I do. I can't even fucking pretend I don't.
1:19:33 ROFLROFLROFL. Seriously... how could anybody legitimately say this movie sucks?? COME ONNN.
1:21:20 agh. God. It's Rihanna. You know what this movie is a little long, think I'll just skip her whole scene.
1:25:48 typical propagandist line... worst banal dogshit in this movie yet.
Honestly a great movie though.
1:31:14 OMG NOOOOOOO LMAOLOLOLOLOL.
1:37:20 here she turns into Nefertiti... an ode to Nefertiti's rumored alien origins/disappearance?
1:42:56 some of the most serious truth I've ever heard told in a movie... and the only movie I've ever heard speak this truth.
2:04:50 see she has to punch him a lot cuz she's a girl and her punches only count for 1/8th of a dude punch at best.
My verdict...
Great movie.
There will never be another movie out of hollywank that isn't sheer pure and total propagandist garbage...
But this was some sweeter smelling trash than what they typically dish out and I approve it for viewing.
One of the reviews on Amazon essentially says "Thankfully this came for free with Prime"... sooo, I'm guessing generally people think it sucks. Sometimes that can either mean it's a great movie, or that it really does suck.
Let's find out...
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2239822/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerian_a...nd_Planets
https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0748PJSBJ/
0:35 it starts out with the original Space Oddity by David Bowie, which uhhh... is better than a lot of gayass song choices some of these new movies make. Even more detestable when they get a super cringe new "artist" to make a mortifying cover of a classic. Is this song choice a good sign in my opinion? Yeah, I mean... TBH I feel like it is.
That "Europa" graphic was pretty fucking rad.
1:30 those hotass astronauts though... I totes wanna bang. I have an astronaut fetish:
http://www.sectual.com/thread-10489.html
2:15 ROFLMAO I was like "WTF are those aliens??"
2:58 aaand it's aliens.
LOL... one of the reasons I haven't watched this movie sooner is because of the animations. I just don't really like animated crap, if it's too cartoony it's crap to me. I just can't take it seriously.
At this point I'm still not seeing any red flags that would suggest pure suck to me, but let's keep watching.
3:56 meh... this endless array of aliens is just dumb. They don't look like that, they don't travel that way, that's not what it is and that's not what it'll be. Hate to break it to ya. Here I explain why:
http://www.sectual.com/thread-472-post-5...ml#pid5378
4:35 I think they're being a lil optimistic about how smart people are gonna be in 2150 but go on ahead with your bad selves.
5:08 FOUR HUNDRED FUCKING YEARS LATER??? The fuck what is this, 2550 now??
5:26 ooo, lookit this sparkly magical lookin' bitch. I bet fuckers that look like that really do exist on some planet out there... thing is they'd never be able to come here and we'd never be able to go there. Period. End of story. Incompatible particles and all that, read the above link muhfuckas.
6:00 I mean yeah, it's fuckin' stupid... but it IS very pretty. (That's what HE said. Giggity. Giggity.)
7:00 I dunno, so far I think this movie is pretty rad. Totally fuckin' stupid, but pretty rad.
7:40 so let me guess, nothing bad ever happens in this pretty, colorful world where they just collect magical pearls all day... UNTIL, dun dun dunnn, A DISASTER STRIKES NECESSITATING CAROL DEVELINE OR WHATEVER HER NAME IS AND HER CUTE BROFRIEND TO COME AND SAVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:15 they all look the same and I think this was a complaint of one of the Amazon reviewers as well.
9:20 aaand, there it is.
Okay look, just because it's predictable AF doesn't make it BAD.
10:30 wait, is that the big ship from the beginning?
11:40 awe damn dude that's hardcore, was that really necessary come on.
12:26 oh to be as chill as these motherfuckers are man, see that's me right there dude. I just about done went and cried over this shit. This is one of my big dreams... turning around open arms to face the earth encircling "fire tsunami". Deep, y'all, deep.
12:48 awe yeah, Sarah Delevagene is pretty hot though.
13:15 these two play pretty rough, I like that!!!
This Dane DeHann dude is pretty hot...
https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2851530/
Crazy hot TBH...
https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/100...00x400.jpg
https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/...SX679_.jpg
You can't really get much hotter than that.
16:09 her character is a bitch and I don't like her so far... hopefully they'll start to make her more likable.
17:54 awwwe, they're so cuuute.
23:00 hmmm... massive city in another dimension as people are walking around in what looks like a barren desert, it's an interesting concept.
28:00 sooo... what the fuck are they trying to say here? Like. Are they trying to assert that they're space traveling, but that the aliens themselves are interdimensional? So they travel the planets, but the aliens who are on those planets are in another dimension?? Dude what the actual fuck... I've truly lost the plot here. I'm not sure what they're trying to imply. Because there've been actual aliens and they've met aliens face to face, but these aliens are in another dimension? I mean what the hell. And why are they fighting interdimensional aliens?
29:00 I mean TBH there are a lot of hotass dudes in this movie. Like a lot.
29:27 why are they able to be affected by shit in this other dimension??
31:00 I mean what the hell. This is some weird shit. It's definitely symbolic... it's like totally valid but at the same time it's not really something I care about that much so I am not going to spend much time down the rabbit hole about it.
35:30 this is the part I saw in previews and it's what made me figure that ultimately I wouldn't like this movie because of the animation. Actually watching it though, it's not bad at all.
42:20 I mean I still think it's totally stupid, but somehow interesting. Such a strange dichotomy with this movie.
I mean I'm just gonna come right out and say it, so far I think this is a pretty great fucking movie.
44:30 this commander dude makes quite a broad statement saying "behind every weapon is a killer"... normally a neurolinguistic programming kinda line like that would piss me off and make me hate whatever I was watching. This time, though, it's sorta different... these main characters are suspicious of these guys already and that statement didn't help. I find it interesting, so I'm not going to immediately hate. I will just say there's absolutely nothing that hollyweird does these days that isn't 100% total propaganda with "entertainment" begrudgingly sprinkled in here and there. Whereas this movie so far as I can tell is about 90% propaganda, meaning it has a touch more actual entertainment sprinkled in than they usually do.
52:15 these shiny fuckers can kick some ass, I like them.
55:50 I should appreciate the stunning visual brilliance of this scene, but intellectually... I just don't appreciate it that much.
57:18 but it always redeems itself... so far.
1:01:00 YEAH WHAT SHE MOTHERFUCKIN' SAID.
1:02:40 LOL I usually fuckinggg hate characters like these three little fuckers, but for some reason... agh, I don't hate it.
I low key hate the 'girl power' undertones though... very annoying, but I do like this movie so I guess I'll tolerate it. Even though they really haven't made me like Caca Detevale's character any more than I did at the beginning.
1:05:20 LOL I like this guy.
1:07:40 as far as pretty colors, this is probably the best movie I've ever seen.
1:08:08 again they have decent songs in this movie, and it still suggests quality.
1:09:40 honestly I could fap to this scene.
1:13:00 I love their aggressive hands on relationship... it's pretty hot, makes me wanna bang.
1:15:15 saw that one coming from a mile away.
1:20:00 LOL... fucking honestly, I like this fucking movie. I do. I can't even fucking pretend I don't.
1:19:33 ROFLROFLROFL. Seriously... how could anybody legitimately say this movie sucks?? COME ONNN.
1:21:20 agh. God. It's Rihanna. You know what this movie is a little long, think I'll just skip her whole scene.
1:25:48 typical propagandist line... worst banal dogshit in this movie yet.
Honestly a great movie though.
1:31:14 OMG NOOOOOOO LMAOLOLOLOLOL.
1:37:20 here she turns into Nefertiti... an ode to Nefertiti's rumored alien origins/disappearance?
1:42:56 some of the most serious truth I've ever heard told in a movie... and the only movie I've ever heard speak this truth.
2:04:50 see she has to punch him a lot cuz she's a girl and her punches only count for 1/8th of a dude punch at best.
My verdict...
Great movie.
There will never be another movie out of hollywank that isn't sheer pure and total propagandist garbage...
But this was some sweeter smelling trash than what they typically dish out and I approve it for viewing.
