All Time Favorite Figure Skaters

[Mister Obvious]

Damn that was so good. For real.

Like...

I dunno.

If he doesn't at least get 2nd place, the shit is rigged.

This is potentially about to piss me off.

[Mister Obvious]

He got 2nd place. So basically they're saying that because he didn't do a bunch of triples, the score isn't that high... lol.

Fuck their scoring system. I mean, this has been going fine. But y'all know my stance... I just hate the way they force the elements.

[Mister Obvious]

Okay they're pronouncing Semen's name "Suh-mahn"... I love it.

TBH, the Semen was good.

I can't stay up all night watching this though.

I'm gonna let Semen be the last dance.

[Mister Obvious]

This is what it looks like when normal people decide to start figure skating "later" in life...



This is what it looks like FOUR YEARS into that process...



3:03 THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

And I want to make something very clear...

This woman is doing a fantastic job, and she's better than most people whose lives DON'T revolve around figure skating all day every day since the age of 4...

This woman is better than most casual skaters could ever hope to be.

And THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

So when we see these OLYMPIAN ATHLETES jumping, doing triples and quads, bear that shit in mind.

Bear in mind that these are some of the most skilled athletes IN THE FUCKING WORLD.

[Luscious Atari]

Jari Kessler... I feel too aware of his skeletal system. He looks like a skating undead wraith wrapped in a pretty skein of flesh. I feel like he's too overtly feminine in his movements, which exposes some stiffness and clunkiness. 

I don't think he deserved the score he got. I had him lower. I'm not hating, I just ... I need more thrust. I want to see the male thrust in all male skaters. I don't want to see anything too girly. It's okay to pop the ass a bit, show that shit off, like, I mean, fuck yes, but when it's too feminine and you're just holding it out there like you're trying to back your skirt off your ass to show the judges your little onesie wedgie to get whatever "edge" you can, and you're a man? No. 

David. 
Lewton.
Brain.



• First of all... THAT is a man. That is a man's man. Dude looks like an assassin. Ninja. 

• Those blood-red gloves out of all that black, with the red accents on the body: yes, please. 

• Not feeling the shaved head with the presence of stubble. You can see the dude is not bald. He's got good coverage. If you're going to go that tight, just go total Billy Corgan/Nasferatu, and make the dome as shiny as the ice. Don't leave the stubble. It's too close a match to the facial stubble, so it creates this weird chin-strap/helmet effect. That's my only complaint.

• Dude literally OPENED WITH SUICIDE. Good God... that takes balls. Or something. Let's see where this goes. 

• He's perfect with his ass. He's not popping it out too much, and when he's going backward, he's keeping it in the chamber. It's like "It's here, y'all, but you ain't getting it like that." He's letting his whole body talk, not just the ass. His ass IS pitch-fucking perfect and he knows exactly how that shit is showing through the leather, so he can just let that shit BE. I mean, oh my god... will you look at THAT. No need to push it. It's there, yes, and... it's wonderful. 

• This is male figure skating. Look at the thrust. It's perfect. Good fucking lord, it's perfect. 

• He's sticking the landing like the footage is in reverse; it's fucking flawless. There wasn't even a transitional sinking of body or shaking of thigh, no sense of gravity, just absolutely seamless. Wow. They call that "soft knees", and homeboy is angelic. 

• Bro. Oh my god. His command.  

• Wow.

• Oops... he looked like he got a LITTLE dizzy coming out of that tight spin leading into the closing bow. He's smiling a little sheepishly because he knows it. Fuck. You do NOT want that shit happening in the closing seconds. No. The closing is a microcosm of landing a flying spin--you have to LAND the whole movement. Still, this was a hell of a performance. I don't think it's enough to get in the 90's, though, even without the mistake. This was a high-80's performance imo.
 
• The guy sitting next to him looks kind of like me. Weird. Whoa. He looks a lot like me. Feels weird. Like I'm seeing a hologram of myself. Even his facial expressions. I do that exact shit. OMG he's pointing out something in the flower arrangement. He's talking shit about something. He's scoffing at some detail in the flower arrangement while they're about to announce the fucking SCORE. Am I there without knowing it? Can I be in two places at once? This is surreal. It's like me if I looked less like Christian Slater and more like Alec Baldwin, basically. That dude looks like he mainlines vodka. 

• 73. Really? That's enough for 2nd but... still... it's too low. That should have been about ten points higher with the slippage at the end; without it, a solid 88 or 89.

[Mister Obvious]

Adeliia Petrosian got first place and Anastasiia Gubanova got second...

https://results.isu.org/results/season25...T002RS.htm



Same ol' same ol' from a Russian in a red costume.

At least Gubanova's program was something different...



But Petrosian was coached by this erm... intimidating looking lady:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eteri_Tutberidze

She has churned out the last several OGM winning female Russian skaters.

People criticize Eteri because supposedly she allows the girls to have terrible technique that causes injuries and they're all anorexic etc.

Here's a video all about it...



And yeah, Kamila Valieva AKA "the chick who fucked up the 2022 Olympics" (cuz she was doping) was coached by Eteri.

So we're probably gonna have YET ANOTHER boring, Russian dominated, almost certainly rigged Olympics for the women's singles.

The only thing to look forward to is Ilia and Yuma. That's it. But that's nothing new for me because I've always been bored by the female skaters anyway.

That's why Oksana Baiul is my favorite, because at least she was never boring and she actually looked like she was having fun.

You'd think getting caught "doping" would have sent enough of a message to make Russia step back and let somebody else win for a change, but I guess not.

Extremely bland.

If the whole nine didn't revolve around scoring ridiculous technical bullshit, Russia would rarely win because their skaters are robotic and it's giving "child labor" sweatshop vibes.

There really should be a revolt against this, it's been going on for over 10 years. We're fucking bored.

I'm sure the anorexia and multiple injuries don't help, but I think the doping probably has a whole hell of a lot to do with these Eteri girls "losing their skills" after winning the OGM.

Oksana's comments were about exactly this...

Here's what supreme GOAT Oksana Baiul has to say about quads...

https://i.imgur.com/kCzNwd3.jpeg

My guess would be that after winning the OGM, resources have to go to the new skaters. Keeping the old ones doped would be risky (could get caught) and a waste of drugs.

Lol. What a scandalous world. Who would have thought shit went this deep with figure skating?? Super weird.

[Luscious Atari]

He got 2nd place. So basically they're saying that because he didn't do a bunch of triples, the score isn't that high... lol.

Fuck their scoring system. I mean, this has been going fine. But y'all know my stance... I just hate the way they force the elements.

This. Don't penalize the entire body of work because you didn't get enough bells and whistles. I get that it's a short-program performance, so you have to do a preset number of things, but if you HIT that number, why then say it wasn't ENOUGH? 

Hmmmm... I wonder if he was coached to go for second place. Like, don't go for a bunch of triples, just do enough... let the rest of the performance win, and we have second place. Because if he fell, that's death. The fact that he got a little woozy coming out of that tight spin at the end might suggest he was having some equilibrium issues at large. Just speculating.

[Mister Obvious]

1:44 hell yes. We need a bunch more YT channels like her.

REAL people hyping figure skating, not some AI voiceover shit.

[Mister Obvious]

David. 
Lewton.
Brain.

• First of all... THAT is a man. That is a man's man. Dude looks like an assassin. Ninja. 

• He's sticking the landing like the footage is in reverse; it's fucking flawless. There wasn't even a transitional sinking of body or shaking of thigh, no sense of gravity, just absolutely seamless. Wow. They call that "soft knees", and homeboy is angelic. 

Exactly... and notice how even when a guy skates all "MANLY" (you can always spot the straight dudes on the ice) it's STILL graceful, this is why they don't pump figure skating in America anymore. They want American dudes cut off from any type of refinement and poise. It's not 'feminine', it's artistry. There's nothing wrong with this.

And while I do talk smack about Ilia going too hard, this is why he's so important on the scene right now. He's American and he SHREDS the ice, he could inspire a whole generation of young dudes toward at least having an INTEREST in this art form.

Will it work? Not for a long time... the American male populace has been too brainwashed against this type of expression. It'll only be the gays who pick it up from here, because that's the only American male demographic that has been encouraged to 'express themselves' during the past ~15 years.

[Mister Obvious]

This. Don't penalize the entire body of work because you didn't get enough bells and whistles. I get that it's a short-program performance, so you have to do a preset number of things, but if you HIT that number, why then say it wasn't ENOUGH? 

It's gonna take at least 20 years to correct the damage that has been done to the figure skating industry. Ain't nobody got time for it. This shit has to start NOW.

[Mister Obvious]

Popularizing inline figure skating is the solution for America at this point.

If I was a kid or even a teenager, I'd probably pick this up right now.

[Mister Obvious]

It's gonna take us at least 10 years of brainwashing the American populace toward inline skating, then once we show some promise, maybe the overlords will start funding ice rinks. Within 20 years, we will have graduated to ice, finally bringing some strong American representation back to figure skating.

[Mister Obvious]

[Mister Obvious]

I'm gonna keep it real... I think only the gays can save us here.

It's gonna be the girls and the gays.

They're America's only hope for competitive figure skating on the world stage again.

[Mister Obvious]

Period.

[Luscious Atari]

he could inspire a whole generation of young dudes toward at least having an INTEREST in this art form.

Will it work? Not for a long time... the American male populace has been too brainwashed against this type of expression. It'll only be the gays who pick it up from here, because that's the only American male demographic that has been encouraged to 'express themselves' during the past ~15 years.

This is SO powerful. As a gay human, I feel this. 

Sometimes I forget what you bring to the table at large. 

I'll see old friends and they always say,"I forgot how fucking funny you are", and I'm like... but that's ALL I bring to the table, how could you forget that one thing? Who AM I to you??? Lol. I finally can relate. It's all coming back now... I remember saying "you have the Midas touch" like on 20 different occasions over the years. This is what you do. Let me not overcompliment you. 

To me, it's not about demographic, it's about omission and blockage and blindfolding from WHAT IS THERE, as an adjunct to brainwashing. It's sickening, really. 

Let that which inspires BE fucking INSPIRING. Let it fucking breathe. Give it space. Fuck off with your thick, moldy curtains and your shit-tinted blinders, you horrific cunts. Get out of the fucking way. LET THE SUNLIGHT IN. Back the fuck off. Bitches.

[Mister Obvious]

This is SO powerful. As a gay human, I feel this.

I love you for this, I'm really inspired by the discussion we've been having here.

As a straight woman, I've always been harped on by my straight male friends for loving the gays so much...

I know for a fact that they're just jealous because I naturally gravitate toward the gay dudes.

While I have had plenty of crushes on gay guys in the past, it's not just some weird self-defeating habit...

I know good and well there's no reciprocal romantic interest because at the end of the day, EVEN I don't want a romantic relationship (with anyone).

I just find friendships with gay men to be so fulfilling.

There's no expectation of sex with them, and they're always forthcoming with advice that a straight male would never give me or probably ever even think of... and the delivery is always WAY more entertaining and fun, even if they're being insulting. I love it.

[Luscious Atari]

I'm really inspired by the discussion we've been having here.

Me too.

[Luscious Atari]

By the way, I love your violet/purple and turquoise color scheme. You've always rocked that, since I've known you, and there's just something very YOU about it, and it's also visually deeply satisfying. The way you use it, here and there, in certain videos and avatars, it has this effect that is both grounding and exalting; it's both primal and cosmic in the same motion; it feels like the visual representation of the intuitive faculty.

[Mister Obvious]

It's taken me a REALLY long time to nail down the aesthetic... this is the perfect thread to bring attention to it as well. If I was a figure skater, I'd be rocking those colors all the time. Lol.

Honestly, the 2026 Olympics is all I'm looking forward to re: this winter. Seriously, I cannot believe the colder months are about to be upon us again. Part of me is actually excited for cooler weather this time around though, which is insane. Pretty sure I've never felt that way in my entire life.

Feb. 6 - Feb 22. 2026 will be Olympics season and I think that's perfect cuz it's right at the absolute DEPTHS OF WINTER DESPAIR. Lmao.