Scenes, skits and silly musings
It was cold that night on the hill. That buffalo robe was nice and warm but he still shivered in that
shallow pit. Days without food and only enough water to keep his kidneys functioning, Little Frog
knew that if he were going to become a man and get his warrior name then he must endure this 
difficult time. 

"This is how it's always been done. And this is how you will do it" were the words his grandfather left
him with three days before. He watched the old man's descent from that special place, getting smaller
and further away. He was only fourteen but would soon be able to join war parties and hunting expeditions.

IF he got his vision. 

Fasting, praying, crying, calling on the Creator to take pity upon him and show him his Power. Every few hours
he would smoke tobacco and give offerings to the spirits in hopes of winning favor. Closing his eyes would bring
scenes of torment into the front of his mind. He would also hear voices calling his name, yelling in the distance.

Every man among his people went through this very same ordeal at that age. He held onto that thought 
tightly, squeezing every last bit of comfort from it that he could. Fear gripped him solidly from the inside 
but he knew he couldn't give in before Spirit granted him his special vision. Little Frog wrapped himself
from head to toe in the thick, warm fur of that robe and reached deep down to find his courage. This was
the final night and come what may, it had to happen!

There was a rustling in the trees nearby. He could hear the snorting of a brown bear. He grabbed his knife 
and lay in that pit hoping this encounter would pass without incident.

He may become a man before morning after all.
"How many deez Jews we gotta dust?" Jimmy asked.

"Whoa, this ain't fuckin' 1940 Poland! Put it back in ya pants!" Charlie shot back.

"You know what I mean..."

"Yeah, I do. But it shouldn't go that far. Especially if you keep ya mouth shut!"

"But if it does?" Jimmy went on.

"Well then I guess it's a western." Charlie said in a resigned tone.

James "Jimmy" Calgonno and Charles "Charlie Chin-ups" Castalino were about to make a deal. Or so they
hoped. Charlie had an arrangement with a group of fellows he'd known for many years; that just happened
to be a small arm of the Jewish mob. His "friend on the inside", Avrom Kogan, brokered this sit-down and
would see to it that everything went as smoothly as possible. That is if Jimmy could keep his head. He was
the wildcard in the hand. Charlie always kept him on a short leash but even then Jimmy chomped at the
bit. He knew he needed him for this meeting but he was also well aware that his presence alone could bring
it all crashing down. Friends, eh?

"I known Rommy since we was kids, he's good people. So I'd be five kinds of shocked if this went sideways."

"You think they'll keep their word to a couple guineas?" Jimmy asked in one of those kinds of tones.

"Aaay, what I just say?" Charlie said looking over at him.

The two stare at each other and Charlie reaches into the console to retrieve a .357 Magnum.

"If for any reason this does go wrong, it's buy one get five free on bullets, you hear me?" 

"Understood." Jimmy said quietly.

They exit the vehicle and walk around back where Charlie pulls out a large black duffle bag and they
make their way to the door of the not-yet-open jewelers. This was a lucrative endeavor for all involved.
Absolutely no reason in the world why this couldn't be a friendly, smiles-all-around affair that ends with
handshakes and partnerships intact.

Charlie needed this to work. Several things rode on this sit-down. He felt confident overall. Just one thing 
bothered him.

Fuckin' Jimmy.
A little glimpse into my Sunday morning...

I'm standing at the microwave waiting on my homemade beef-a-roni to get warm enough to eat.
The old lady traipses in fresh off the walking machine and stands beside me. I look over and start to
run in place, like an idiot, she asks what I'm doing and I say joining in the morning exercise routine.

Shaking her head, she then goes on to fiddle with her FitBit? [is that what they're called?] and I open up 
in my now BETTER THAN EVER New Jersey accent:

Me: "Aaay, when I do those leg lifts on da bed *shows with his fingers* I can really feel the burn in my ass cheeks!"
Her: *looks at me disgusted* "Don't talk like that..."
Me: "Whuuuu, what're you talkin' about?"
Her: "You know what I mean..."
Me: "You got something against the people of New Jersey?"
Her: "No it's those people, I can't stand them!"
Me: "You hatin' on Italians now??"
Her: "Those Sopranos, I hate them!"
Me: "Ooooooooh, the fuck you just say to me??" [ I totally didn't swear but it sounds hilarious so we're goin' with it! ]
Her: "Horrible show!"
Me: "Aaay! That's grounds fuh divorce!!"
Her: "Oh well..."
Me: *looks at you guys at home out there* "You hearin' dis??" [lmao]
Me: "You will be hearing from my attorney!"
Her: "I'm not even listening now..."
Me: "Makin' dat call..." *walks out*
Me: *on the phone* [not really, lol] 
Other end of line: "Hello, you've reached the law offices of Saul Goodman & Associates..."
Me: "Hate The Sopranos!? How fuckin' frickin' DARE you!?"

Bwahhahahahahaha. Gotta love dem Sundays!! ; )
It was the most final kind of ending...
That spark on the horizon, where darkness went to die...
Our hero plodding onward through blood, wound and abandonment; eyes affixed to those precious moments
of life that lay ahead him.

The rags on his back soaked in the struggle of many battles, torn in the victory that marched him forward.
That shrill tone tingling in his ears aligned perfectly with the blur across his vision. He was closer to that
liberating moment than he was the destruction that lay behind him.

Light grew stronger in that early sky and the smoke of many fires basted the air. That jarring sense of home.
Tears and sweat and blood joined into a strange matrimony that bathed his broken body. Washing him in the
cleansing waters of freedom. It was closer now. Brighter. The wind gently danced across his path and signaled 
the change coming. Each step becoming heavier, every breath more shallow. He was almost there.

All the days of his life had led him to this place. And they were all worth it.
The above passage was inspired by the first 1m 30s of this song:

Here's another idea I'll probably regret...

*imagine a YouTube video clip here*

Now, I'm going to run commentary on this bitch... I know, you don't have to say it... Eek 

0:15 - Dude, if your boobs are THAT big, please, DO NOT leave the house dressed like THAT! *oy vey*
0:20 - Mother... Fucker... she actually left the house wearing THAT! Disgusting... *pauses, rewinds* lol
0:30 - Christ on a cabana! She's totally not going into the bank like that!? Is she!?!?!? *she did*
0:35 - Bwahhahahahahaha, that ten year old kid is a man now!! *his eyes bug out at the lady's boobs*
0:40 - That's right lady, turn your kid around, shoot that nasty harlot a dirty look for corrupting your
precious seed. She's all of 25 - 27, she KNOWS BETTER!!
1:20 - I'm pretty sure if that bank teller stared any harder she could file a sexual harassment suit, lol...
1:25 - Fuckin' chicken wings man, now the security guard is caught in a stare-down with her chest-meat!
1:40 - Oh thank God! She's leaving! Whew!! That old dude in line behind her was lookin' like trouble.
2:03 - Don't go in Subway, don't go in Subway.... aaaand she goes into Subway... *facepalms*
2:09 - That dude TOTALLY wants to give her extra cheese! Free of fucking charge!! Pervert.
2:35 - Well FUCK that dude! I never get my chocolate chunk cookies for FREE!! *outrage*
2:57 - Bwahhahahahaha, that old dude with the cane! Broke his fucking neck turning to look at her!! 
3:24 - Is she seriously gonna sit on that bench to eat?? Uh, why not just stay IN Subway?? *shakes head*
3:31 - Hahaha, that fuckin dude nearly wrecked his bike staring at her! Goddamn fuck-pickle! lol
3:37 - So, dog-walker dude thinks he's gonna just walk up on this chick eatin' Subway on a wooden
park bench and throw down the mack of the century? Bitch please. Go scoop your doggie's poop!
3:42 - Well fuck me with an Amish rake, they exchanged digits. I must be getting old.  : (
3:51 - Uh, BITCH, your sammich wrapper MISSED the fucking trash can, GO THE FUCK BACK and pick that
shit up!! 40 HH's don't give you no damn special rights to litter! Fucking Millennials...
4:00 - Dude, duuuude! That midget is totally out for one thing! NEVERRRR talk to a midget at a bus stop!
4:07 - If she gives that little motherfucker a piggy-back ride I'm gonna piss myself... *waits for it*

I'm not really sure what I just watched. But God bless YouTube man. For. REAL.
Don't ask me, I just work here...

Rocco: *on the phone*
Carlo: "Hello?"
Rocco: *mumbles in obvious pain*
Carlo: "Rock? I can't undastand ya!?"
Rocco: "Get yer ass ova here now! DENTIST!!"

Carlo drives over to pick up his friend [second cousin, lol] and they go get Rocco's dental needs squared.
They sit in the waiting room for several minutes before a lovely dental assistant comes out and calls
Rocco back. Carlo is left reading a torn magazine.

Carlo: "These magazines are older than dirt. Fuck's a matta wit deez people?"
Lady in the waiting room: *sits provocatively, shooting sexy glances in Carlo's direction*
Carlo: *notices her, smiles back uncomfortably*

He looks over at her and she's dressed in a very tight little number. All those curves heaving, her hair
silky, shining and tousled just right. This is gonna be a LONG wait!

Carlo: *thinks to himself* "Ooof, madon! Dis broad is givin' me the fever!"

He continues thumbing through the outdated pages when he catches a glimpse of her out of the
corner of his eye. She was now topless, wearing only a very small bra. Her very large breasts fighting
to escape the dwarfed undergarment.

Carlo: *accidentally stares for too long, eyes bugged*
Lady: "You like what you see big boy?"
Carlo: *quickly puts his eyes back down onto the magazine*
Lady: *walks over, stands in front of him*
Carlo: *clears throat nervously* "Uh, hey. How's it goin?"
Lady: "Oh, I think you KNOW how it's going sexy-pants!"

She sits on his lap, facing him, boobs almost touching his face.

Carlo: "Whoooaa, lady! Hold on here! I'm married!!"
Lady: "I don't see no wife here!? You got her in your pocket??"

She reaches down to feel him up, grabbing around his crotch/pocket areas. Right then, his wife Genie
comes through the door in a PVC Dominatrix outfit on the back of a white tiger. His eyes really bug
out now! He can't believe what he's seeing!!

Carlo: "Jeeeezus Chriiiist!!!"
Genie: "Hey babe! How them titties taste??"
Lady: *rubbing her chest hard, side to side into Carlo's face*
Carlo: "I swear, she just sat on me and started in, I don't know what's goin' on!!"

Genie begins cracking a bullwhip into the air. Her and the Lady break into a frenzied laughter. Their faces
contort into almost evil expressions. Carlo's loving this, but he's a little scared.

Carlo: "Hey! You gotta get off me lady!"
Lady: "What's that? You want me to get you off???"
Genie: "Yeah honey, he likes his ears nibbled while you cup his b - "
Carlo: "GENIE!?!? What the fuck???"

Both ladies laugh louder, harder. That cute dental assistant returns wearing a French Maid's outfit. Only it's
missing some VERY key components. Yep! No fabric over ANY of her private areas. She closes in on Carlo 
as the Lady on his lap begins licking at his earlobes. Genie is still moving about the room on the back of
that tiger. Carlo's heart is pounding!

Dental Girl: "Open up and say Aaaahh!!" *leans in with tongue depressor*
Lady: "Yeah, open that sweet little mouth you sexy bitch!!"
Genie: "You're a real whore Carlo! MY sexy little whore!!!"
Carlo: *struggling to make sense of it all*

And just when it couldn't get any weirder, an older male dentist enters the scene in a gimp outfit, slapping
himself on the back and buttocks with a very large hard rubber paddle. 

Gimp: "I've been bad Daddy! Sooooo baaaaaaad!!"

The whole room is lit up in a frantic chaos of strange activity. Carlo manages to squeeze out from under
the bosom of the Lady on his lap and he runs into the hall to look for Rocco. Room by room, he desperately 
searches for his friend [second cousin, lmao]. Finally, the right room! He bursts in to find HIMSELF sitting
in the dentist chair. He stands there looking down on himself, groggy, eyes half-closed coming out of the
laughing gas anesthesia. The dentist asking him questions.

Dentist: "You OK? Everything clearing up?"
Carlo: "Huh? Where's that lady?"
Dentist: "What lady?"
Carlo: "The one with the big tits, straddling my lap?"
Dentist: "I really gotta dial this happy juice back..."
Carlo: "And my wife! Where's she? On that fuckin' tiger!?"
Dentist: "Do you have a ride home today?"
Carlo: "Huh?"
Dentist: "A ride, Carlo? You have one?"

Carlo is slowly coming back to himself. He's starting to put it all together.

Carlo: "Oh, yeah. A ride. My friend [second cousin, rofl] Rock. He's in the waiting room."
Dentist: "OK good. Have a few seconds to gather yourself then you're done."

Carlo wobbles from the hall into the waiting room where he sees Rocco sitting reading a magazine.
He walks over to the receptionist to pay and notices something huge! Two of them! She was the lady on his
lap in his "altered state". He settles up and looks at her as she smiles and politely winks. He just stares
and walks away. 

Rocco: "What's this, you screamin' about tits back there!?"
Carlo: "Huh??"
Rocco: "Never mind Jim Morrison, let's get you home..."

They both walk out the door; Rocco steady in mind and body - Carlo... not so much.

I'm gonna stop littering the "Actual Thoughts..." thread with my bullshit and just post my
dumbass stuff in here. It falls under the heading of "silly musings" so it should be on-topic.

So, I just implemented a pretty cool fix to my "I need more candle holders" problem.

I have this really cool resin bowl that totally looks like some oooooold school ass ceramic shit
from Africa or something. Got it years ago in a UK charity shop [thrift shop]. And I don't like to
put the tea light candles down into it because if the flames get too intense they might lick up
onto the bowl and fuck it up. SO, I had the genius idea of putting a mason jar lid, open-side 
down, into the bowl and THEN putting my three candles on top of that! Worked out awesome!

As soon as I did, my inner little old black lady voice chimed in with:

LOBLV: "You purteh smart for a white boy!"
Me: "Thank you! I have my moments..."

It was cute. My heart: Warmed. The little old lady: Still kinda dislikes me. But it's not racial.
She's super cool. And sweet. Like my grandma. Only more melanin. And wisdom. She's wise as fuck.

I'm too much of a lamer to do it now, not to mention the current phone I use for taking videos 
SUCKS DONKEY NOSTRIL from the bowels of glitched-out Shitoria, but I'll video or photo the results
and share them here eventually. Cuz who doesn't like free pics??

Your Mom... *shrugs*
I had to turn my light back on for something so I figured fuggit, snap dem pics, yo.



After After! [Miyagi Do Karate!!] lol

Comin' in hot wit da goods. ThumbsUp
I've found that as the candles burn down a little, the light dims due to them still being
slightly below the rim of the bowl. So I'll have to put something under the lid to raise it
up about 1/2 an inch. Totally doable. I'll report back with my findings.

My inner little old black lady is looking at me, shaking her head. She does that a lot. : /
I think I solution'd it!!

Three cedar wood discs

Raised 'em right on up!

Haven't burned them yet but the candle tops are sitting just above the rim of the bowl
so we should be golden. Stay Golden, Pony Boy! : )
We did it!! ThumbsUp

Candles > Nearly everything else
Hot Nerdy Office Chick comin' up in here tryin' to lean on ya boy... on Chrimmis!!

Me: *puts peanut M&M into mouth*
Chick: "What the Hell are ya doin?"
Me: *stops chewing, turns and stares*
Chick: *gives him the eyes*
Me: "Uuuuh, having some peanu -" *interrupted*
Chick: "Is that really necessary?"
Me: "Kinda."
Chick: "Are you serious?"
Me: *pops another one in*
Chick: "Urgh, those are so bad for you!"
Me: "Dude, it's CHRISTMAS!"
Chick: "How many are you gonna have??"
Me: "Uh, I don't know, MOM, maybe a handful?"
Chick: "You mean another handful..."
Me: "Why are you even here? Don't you have Boss to deal with?"
Chick: "Oh sweet dying Jeezus, don't even!"
Me: *another going in*
Chick: "Could you at least chew with your mouth closed??"
Me: "I AM!"
Chick: "Urgh! And why are you just eating the blue ones?"
Me: "Cuz, blue ones don't count."
Chick: "Who does what??"
Me: "They don't count. Calorie-wise. No negative impacts on your health."
Chick: "Who sold you that load of hornswoggle?"
Me: "I dunno... your MOM?"
Chick: "Why you gotta go there?"
Me: *shrugs, pops another M&M into mouth*
Chick: "Fine, I'll just sit and watch you eat yourself into a diabetic coma..."
Me: *one more in* "Last one..." *crunches down satisfied*
Chick: *gives me the famous squint*
Me: "That doesn't work on me."
Chick: *squints harder*
Me: "Squint 'til ya stroke on out, it doesn't work..."
Chick: "You're a bastard."
Me: "Only to you."
Chick: *groans*
Me: "You done?"
Chick: *sighs deeply*
Me: "Are you drunk??"
Chick: *giggles* 
Me: "Jeezus drink-toasting Christ, you're drunk!"
Chick: "SO! It's Christmas! Ain't that what YOU said??"
Me: *looks at Chick slightly disgusted*
Chick: "What? You want some??" *puffs chest out, ready to brawl*
Me: *busts out laughing*
Chick: "You won't be laughing when I wipe the floor with you, cocksucker!"
Me: "Hey, yo... for real, that shit was priceless funny. Good job!"
Chick: "Fuck you."
Me: "Daaaamn. This is getting weird."
Chick: "I know. I need another drink."
Me: "Yeah, you probably do."
Chick: "What are you trying to say?"
Me: "Argh, just go find some mistletoe or something. Kiss yourself."
Chick: "Oh you WISH you could have some of this!!"
Me: *makes fake wretching sounds*
Chick: "FAG!"
Me: "What's that? Oh, it's your liver. Gasping for breath..."
Chick: "I'm sooo out of here!" *storms out*
Me: "Happy New Beer! Bitch..."
Chick: *holds up left middle finger as she leaves*
Me: *shakes head* "What does Boss see in her??"

: /

New Year, New Boss?? [Nope!] lol

Chick walks by Boss's door... you know the rest...

Boss: "Hey!"
Chick: "Uuurrgh!"
Boss: "C'mere!"
Chick: *walks into office, stands, stares*
Boss: "So, ya have a nice Christmas?"
Chick: *stares, tiny squint*
Boss: "That bad?"
Chick: "I'm Jewish."
Boss: "Well did you have a nice Jewish Christmas?"
Chick: "Sweet crazy Jesus..."
Boss: "He's the reason for the season!" *goofy smiles, both thumbs up*
Chick: *makes tormented face*
Boss: "Whatcha got goin' for New Years?"
Chick: "Drunk."
Boss: "Right now?"
Chick: "No, dipfuck, I'll be getting drunk... tonight."
Boss: "Want some company?" *does the eyebrows*
Chick: "Sure. Just not You."
Boss: "Ouch."
Chick: *condescending smile*
Boss: "How 'bout you come over to my place?"
Chick: *turns to walk out*
Boss: "No! I don't mean for that!"
Chick: *stops, turns back around*
Boss: "I mean, unless..."
Chick: *starts to walk out again*
Boss: "Wait! I just meant so we could do stuff! Non-sexual stuff."
Chick: "What could you possibly do for me that my two bottles of rosé and quart of Dazs can't?"
Boss: "I thought we could build a fire, roast some hot dogs, have a few beers, ya know, hang..."

Chick is actually giving this some thought. She did hate spending holidays alone. How bad could it be?

Boss: *makes the ol' puppy dog eyes* 
Chick: "You promise to keep your hands off my ass??"
Boss: *raises right hand* "Scout's honor!"
Chick: "That literally means nothing..."
Boss: "OK, jeez, I'll swear on a stack on Jewish bibles, fuck!"
Chick: *closes eyes, shakes head*
Boss: "So do we have us a New Year's Eve partaaay???"
Chick: *quietly* "Goddamn me..."
Boss: "YES!! You're gonna love it! I just rebuilt my fire pit, got a new grill that lays right down into it..."

Boss continues gushing about all the cool stuff he's got ready for their night. Chick stands there, listening.
It wouldn't be a total loss. She could still take her wine & ice cream along. Maybe there was hope after all?

Happy New Year guys!  ; )

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