Two people came up to the car trying to bum a smoke in the time it took to type my last post. They pester the shit out of you until you lose your train of thought.
I have to say the iPhone is much better at grasping context and guessing what the next word will be than Android.
There's absolutely nothing to gain from continuing to deal with a narcissist. I'm obviously worse off in a material sense than I was before, but now I feel like I have a much better chance of moving forward than I did.
I can sort of understand how people down here can reach the point where they despair of ever getting out of here. But it's down to them to limit the time they waste on distractions and find a quiet place where they can gather their thoughts and strategize.
Mark, the guy I was supposed to give a ride to this afternoon, changed it to the first of the month. I'm quite certain he said today when we discussed it yesterday.
Mark is a curious character. When he gets some money, he acts like a big shot. Then when he blows through the money trying to impress people, he's back to mooching. Scott and I have tried to counsel him about managing his resources so that he always has what he needs, but he seems incapable of learning. A couple of weeks ago, he bought a half pound of awesome weed. Anyone else would've sold enough to resupply, have some for their personal use, and have some spending money besides.
That said, if he offers to smoke a couple of joints back to back with me, I'm gonna smoke them. Everyone down here is pursuing their own interests, and I'm no different.
The number of dogs around here could actually surpass the number of humans at the rate things are going.
When you have a bunch of dogs together in one place, they vie for dominance. It creates a lot of unnecessary additional noise and stress. It's particularly stressful for someone who isn't really a dog lover to start with.
I really appreciate this thread because Dev is using the site in the way that it was truly meant to be used... it's a diary (journal, blog) and I really like seeing someone else use it that way.
I'm trying to chronicle things as realistically as possible. I feel that most people who have never been in this kind of situation can't truly comprehend. For example, some people complain about being broke when they still have a million bucks left in the bank. No. Broke means completely fucking broke.
Nevertheless, I still forget a lot of details that I intended to write about, but forgot about by the time I get around to posting. Posting from a phone can be unnecessarily cumbersome at times. I don't bother quoting long posts that I want to respond to anymore. The editing would take forever, and try my patience sorely. Hopefully you guys can figure out from context which posts I'm replying to.
It occurs to me that, with me out of the picture, the stepmother and dear old Auntie will turn on each other and be at each other's throats all the time. It would be hilarious to be a fly on the wall at that scene.
I'm kind of worried about what will become of Audrey. I wouldn't put it past them to harm her. I'm pretty sure they got rid of Elvis while I was still there. They started bitching about him and talking about getting rid of him, and sure enough he disappeared one day. He never would've wandered off and stayed gone on his own. After he disappeared, the stepmother said she saw him down the street. Utter bullshit. He wouldn't have hung around that close to the house and not come home.
Having this site; your friend(s) is a good support network. I once had to hit the streets and lived in a men's shelter from 5pm, then
we'd take a mandatory shower (ALWAYS WEAR SHOWER SHOES!..fungus) after that we'd have to sit in 'Church' for an hour, then we'd
eat and at 10pm lights out, t.v. off and we slept on mats on the floor. There's always that guy that snores like a freight train. Then a nice
wake up at 4:30am and breakfast at 5:30-6am. After that many went to go get high, do something to make money. I walked the city
putting in job applications and luckily I had a phone they could call. I would stay on the grounds as some people would take advantage of
the fact desperate people would be willing to do hard work dirty cheap. I stayed, went to random's houses and did wonderful things like
dig ditches and clean out homes that looked like hoarders 9000. I saved my money except for the tobacco I bought that came in a small
bag with book of papers to roll them out of. I did this until I had enough to purchase a bicycle. I found a job working as a telemarketer and
worked full time for 2 weeks until I pissed someone off; they pissed me off, then one of the instructors did a no-no and I had legal precedent
to file charges as well as bring litigation against the company. One of the bleeding heart instructors was upset with me because I'd gotten a fellow
trainee fired. I said either you fire her; or I call the police now, give a statement and file charges in front of everyone...if you order me to leave
the premises it really won't look good for you, your defense against litigation and you could be charged with aiding and abetting so... 'make the
smart choice." The person was fired, a real winner... proud to be in some gang. Went back into the class, the instructor was emotional and didn't like
me for what I did, reporting that someone (with witnesses) stated they would 'kill my ass.' Terroristic threat. The instructor felt sorry for the 'poor kid
trying to get a job and get out of that life.' Whatever. Just another mouthy gutter punk in my opinion. Then the instructor made a fatal career move, let
their emotions take control and I went with it. They needed 'privacy' and asked me to step into a janitor's closet. This was an instructor who was female.
That's a big no-no. She could have said I'd done something, her company man word against a newb trainee. I refused and went straight to the owner.
I got her fired on the spot after I rattled out some intelligent sounding legal mumbo jumbo AGAIN. After that I knew my ass was going to get fired. Owners
get scared when their employees are smarter than them and threatening litigation in the first two weeks of employment against the company puts them on edge
so they'll look for anything to legally terminate you. I knew I wouldn't last long, so I quit and took the accrued funds from training and went to a really
crappy used car sales lot and put a down payment on a hooptie. The car ran one day and needed a new radiator. I'd also gotten a call from a veterinarian's office
to come in to talk to the boss about being a receptionist. I'd had it, and came up with a plan. I called an old buddy and drove to his place in Louisiana.
The car made it, and I stayed there for about 3 or 4 months before I couldn't handle the chaos of their marriage and saw that my 'buddy' was using me as a wedge
to drive in his marriage. It was par for the course; he'd done this before but I didn't want to be the tool of his 3rd failed marriage so I left. I came back into town and
had a car. It barely made it into town after a flat tire 20 miles from my destination. I got it fixed, then put it as collateral for a 700 dollar loan. I used that and what I'd saved
to get a place to live. I never did pay back the loan, but I did give them the keys to my car and a signed title. The car was pretty much a POS anyway and overheated
for reasons unknown. I put a new thermostat in it but didn't have much knowledge on fixing engines, diagnosis...just the basics.
I thought life would never get better and I was always in a constant state of chaos and feeling disempowered. All that pain, all that loneliness on the streets, no family to call,
no friends but users, all I had was survival, my wits, and some luck I guess.
I'm here today, stronger, wiser, and you will to Devastasia. Be careful. Better alone than in bad/unstable/unpredictable behavior. I rolled solo and trusted no one on the streets.
Sometimes we have to take the hard way to easy street. I don't know if it actually get's easier, but it gets more predictable, more controllable and more stable when you eliminate
all the factors that drag you down.
The harshest enemy you'll ever face is yourself...guaranteed. After you've defeated that which is weak, and fleeting, and discount primal emotions that only want to do the equivalent
of what a lizard does, some...begin to grow and thrive instead of flow and survive. Taking control of one's life, or life will take control of you. It's hard to see things
clearly in a blizzard of emotions and chaos without a safety net, anchor, support network but you're lucky. You have a friend(s).
Looking forward to seeing you laugh in the sunshine at this temporary tempest one day. I know how rough it can be. It passes, and you're resilient.
Focus on what's good, virtuous, lovely, upstanding and beautiful. That's in some famous book I read. I don't know what I'd do if I thought I was nothing
but a result of a causal chain of action, reaction, cause, effect. I used to and it's sad but grateful to have made it and so fortunate. That's just one of
the sob stories I have, haha.
Prior planning prevents piss poor performance. Day to day is checkers a chicken can play.
A five year plan, or even a dream...that's the chessmaster talking on how to take on life.
If you're near wifi, a thing I did when my p.c. wasn't operational is I'd use my phone to watch some stuff on pluto.tv
The comedy stuff got me through as cheesy and corny as some of the stuff was, just a good laugh once an hour kept me
happy until it was time to sleep and regenerate.
Be on the lookout for someone/thing good. Never can tell if you're having lunch, or a discussion with an angel/alien/being who's watchin. (if you believe in more than
the flesh and known reality we perceive).
I think I had a few, or more thank God.
Sounds like quite the adventure, Guest.
If I were still young and able-bodied, I'd have been working at day labor for the past month and have a room in a dingy boarding house by now. It takes ages for disability benefits to be approved, and there's no guarantee I'll even get them. If all else fails, I'll try to score some temp gigs at Robert Half. I worked for them before I left this town the last time, and they sent me out on some easy clerical jobs.
I had a mind to travel down to Joe's and get some clean clothes from their free store today, but people are telling me it's closed all week. It's way on the southeast side of town, too far to just go and see in person. Gotta conserve gas.
All of my experiences with Google's AI tell me it's pretty lame. That guy who thought it was sentient must be a crackpot.
A cold front came through last night, and it's pretty chilly this morning. Wish I could wash my hoodie. It's supposedly gonna be 95 the next two days. I just don't see how.
At least the flies aren't swarming right now. They're usually pretty thick around the shelters because of people shitting and pissing and throwing food waste on the ground. These people have zero concept of cleanliness.
Strangely enough, it's the tweaky birds who pick up most of the trash in the parking lots. I guess they have a lot of false energy from the meth. Unfortunately, picking up the solid waste doesn't get rid of the filth. The entire parking lot needs to be power washed.
If you ask three people at the shelters the same question, you'll get three different answers - and all of them will be wrong.
Joe's is open today. They know how to scramble eggs correctly. They know how to brew coffee correctly. The staff are courteous and helpful. And everything is free.
I got a pair of jeans, probably women's, a T-shirt, and a light peacoat from the free store. They don't have any belts, which I sorely need.
Another observation about the day shelter. A coffee service truck makes a delivery here every week, but the only cup of coffee I've ever seen here was that day they had the veterans event.
"Coffee is for closers only." And shelter staff members, apparently.
I told one of the staff members at Joe's about this thread. Maybe they'll read it. Usually, when I share links to message boards with people in the real world, they never take a look though.