It must suck to feel that way. Must be scary on some level.

I really think it's an ineffective way to go throughout life...

If you were the kind of person who alleged to 'face their problems head on'...

And not hide or run away from issues, if you swore by solving problems as they arise...

Your most serious mission and your top priority should be to tackle fear of being alone.

It should be the most important thing in your life to overcome, and you should stop at nothing to understand the reason behind that fear.

I think its trauma , they maybe did not have supportive childhoods and crave a healthy family setting

Now let me be clear...

I'm talking about PSYCHOLOGICAL and EMOTIONAL reasons that people don't like to be alone.

I'm not talking about, take for example, someone who's elderly and can't care for themselves well enough anymore...

People in those situations have every reason to be afraid of being alone. That's a whole different thing than what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about deeply ingrained emotional problems and negativity arising undoubtedly from some type of trauma, which results in people fearing being alone.

(03-09-2018, 11:57 PM)Guest Wrote: I think its trauma , they maybe did not have supportive childhoods and crave a healthy family setting

Yup.

It stems in part from a lack of self-love and self-acceptance...

And people can be haughty all day and night and pretend they 'love themselves' etc. but...

Really, there's something amiss if they fear solitude.

But that lack of self-acceptance is also just a result of the trauma in the first place.

Who the fuck would fear solitude?

(03-09-2018, 11:57 PM)Guest Wrote: I think its trauma , they maybe did not have supportive childhoods and crave a healthy family setting

Maybe not. I had an extremely traumatic childhood, but I don't get people's fear of being alone either. I don't look to other people for affirmation very often.

Fear of being alone is essentially the fear of being still and quiet, and hearing your own thoughts and feelings. Most people who spend a lot of time alone tend to drown out the silence with TV and radio. Which suggests to me that fear of being alone is really fear of introspection, or fear of oneself.

Well trauma does manifest in other ways besides fear of being alone...

I've been traumatized and I love to be alone...

This is merely one manifestation of the damage caused by trauma.

(03-10-2018, 12:31 AM)Trixmegistus Wrote: Well trauma does manifest in other ways besides fear of being alone...

I've been traumatized and I love to be alone...

This is merely one manifestation of the damage caused by trauma.

Life is trauma. Like the electrons and holes mating with each other. It is how the universe is designed.

He's so right.

(03-10-2018, 12:31 AM)Trixmegistus Wrote: Well trauma does manifest in other ways besides fear of being alone...

I've been traumatized and I love to be alone...

This is merely one manifestation of the damage caused by trauma.

If trauma can produce two opposite outcomes, wouldn't that negate the trauma as the determining factor?

it's quite easy to be alone when you love yourself and you are your own best friend. if people do not like or love themselves, they need someone else to distract them from themselves. they need the view of others to cling onto as their own view is insufficient. being alone for them is being alone with their own worst enemy.

people who are never given the time to be alone end up addicted to being around others, even if it is harmful for them to do so. there's a term for people like that... serial daters or something, where there is literally zero time between relationships.

(03-10-2018, 12:40 AM)lulwut Wrote: If trauma can produce two opposite outcomes, wouldn't that negate the trauma as the determining factor?

subject A gets his ass kicked by a small group of people.

branch point 1 - subject A lives in fear, avoiding people and places. attempts to placate anyone to avoid conflict.

branch point 2 - subject A overcomes fear, betters himself through training, and is ready to defend himself. takes no more shit.

2 drastically different outcomes from the same traumatic determining factor.

(03-10-2018, 12:35 AM)Trixmegistus Wrote: He's so right.

Sit on my beautiful circumcised cock baby!

I thought that said 'uncircumcised' for a minute, I was like hell yeah!!!

I still appreciate your dick though, Fungi, it's not your fault you were mutilated and what was done to you was a heinous atrocity.

Not that your dick doesn't look great or whatever...

(I should stop while I'm ahead on this one.)

(LMFAO, 'a head'.)

(Ahahaha, okay okay, for real though, I'ma stop.)

(03-10-2018, 12:42 AM)genba Wrote: it's quite easy to be alone when you love yourself and you are your own best friend.

I'm not sure liking or loving myself, or the contrary, makes a difference in my case. I accept that I am what I am. I acknowledge that events in my past made me what I am, but I don't dwell on them. By all rights, I should be filled with self-loathing as a result of my childhood, yet I can't be bothered to.

When I was a young man, I studied a lot of the Hermetic philosophy, and particularly what Dr. Jung had to say about it. Consequently, observing the inner workings of my mind without passing judgement as though I were a disinterested third party became a habit.

One of Jung's main themes was recognizing both the good and bad in ourselves and mediating the eternal conflict between the two, rather than denying the bad or trying to wish it out of existence. In that regard, whether or not I like myself isn't a primary consideration. I know I have both lovable and unlovable qualities. It would be silly to deny it. The man who is 100% good doesn't exist. Or, as the Judeo-Christian tradition puts it, "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

(03-10-2018, 12:58 AM)lulwut Wrote: When I was a young man, I studied a lot of the Hermetic philosophy

TRIXMEGISTUSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(03-10-2018, 12:45 AM)genba Wrote: 2 drastically different outcomes from the same traumatic determining factor.

Yes. Maybe "determining factor" was the wrong choice of words. I guess what I'm getting at is: Why focus on the trauma instead of correcting the tendencies acquired as a result of the trauma? We can't change the past, only the future.

(03-10-2018, 01:02 AM)lulwut Wrote: Yes. Maybe "determining factor" was the wrong choice of words. I guess what I'm getting at is: Why focus on the trauma instead of correcting the tendencies acquired as a result of the trauma? We can't change the past, only the future.

That works really well if you actually recognize the trauma...

I was just pondering something closely related to this today, but it doesn't belong on this thread.