All Time Favorite Figure Skaters

[Mister Obvious]

This is my porn.

Lol 1:42 thank God I got my nut off before they started showing all these rejects in masks.

[Mister Obvious]

12:40 this Aleksandr Selevko dude is pretty hot. He's definitely awesome. Nice musical choice too.

Wonder when they're gonna start doing gay pairs skating. Right?

What kind of asshole uploads a video this long without timestamping who skates when.

1:38:33 Deniss Vasiljevs, he's super hot too. 1:39:08 good Lord, what a beautiful man. He fell but who cares. His jumps are great when he pulls them off though.

Sometimes I wonder if some of these figure skater dudes are space aliens.

I'd hate humans a lot more if figure skating didn't exist.

3:28:00 Mikhail Kolyada, yet another wicked hot dude. It's giving antichrist horror movie vibes, an aesthetic which I live for. Definitely my kind of guy. 3:28:36 so good, you know I really wonder with this type of skater why they never go straight to the top and become super famous. I guess not everyone wants to compete on that level. I can see that being especially true for those who just genuinely do love to skate.

3:44:20 oh my God it's Yuma. He's so adorable. 3:45:54 I think it's important to remember that, classically, Yuma is as good as they come. And not that cult followings necessarily have anything to do with Olympic wins, but it's just too bad that he's gonna be facing off against the cult of Ilia, which I can only imagine must be particularly rabid.

3:47:43 Yuma really is just beautiful. He's so pleasant. I'm such a fan. I'll be rooting for him in 2026. God knows enough people are gonna be going nuts over Ilia, he's way too mainstream. Yuma is for REAL muhfuckas.

[Mister Obvious]

Just looking at Yuma sends a huge spike of oxytocin pumping through my system.

He's just the cutest thing ever. Kittens wish they were as cute as Yuma Kagiyama.



1:36 agh my God, Yuma is EVERYTHINNNNGGg.

2:33 he's so glorious and perfect.

4:14 dude his body is like 100% power.

Even shitty figure skaters are so much better than everyone else though.

It's the highest form humanity can reach re: physicality paired with artistic expression.



This was the 2020 Youth Olympics and he DID win the gold.

Hmmm.

I dunno, I'm just pissed at the idea that Ilia is gonna win the Olympics just because he does the most risky, problematic shit in the game.

He's like the Evel Knievel of figure skating. Just cuz you survive doesn't mean what you did wasn't stupid.

But I do feel better knowing Yuma at least won gold at SOME kind of Olympics and TBH, what the hell is the difference anyways?

He technically already won Olympic gold, so fuck it.

[Luscious Atanari]

I love figure skating.

I wrote an opening-night commercial for the NHL that was never used, sadly, but it was fairly disrespectful to the male figure skating athletes, and fairly violent, so maybe it was for the best. It starts with a beautiful man figure skating, so elegant it borders on somber, with sweeping classical music playing, the crowd reserved and classy, and then a hockey player for the LA Kings comes out of nowhere and checks him against the wall, teeth and blood flying in slow motion, the crowd turns rowdy and roars, and then the title screen: 

THE NHL IS BACK

[Mister Obvious]

Fucking rofl, that's actually hilarious.

[Mister Obvious]

I forgot there were other sports that take place on the ice.

[Mister Obvious]

2:40 *smh* why even do this??

It's SOOOO much risk for no reason.

https://www.olympics.com/en/news/katarin...-interview

So now that it's allowed, he's gonna pull a backflip at the Olympics even though the move isn't scored.

Which means he's going to be doing backflips all the time in practice...

He's gonna do this like a hundred times leading up to the Olympics.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should, hasn't anybody told him this??

And they don't look graceful on landing either...

Not that he's necessarily going for grace, but there's a reason they don't look graceful...

Because they're a dangerous, mostly uncontrolled move.

He's prolly just gonna get hurt and ruin his career. But hey, maybe he'll win the Olympic gold before it happens.

Everything he does is already dangerous enough, there's no reason to throw a backflip into the mix too.

I just totally disapprove. He's too talented to be adding dumb shit into his routine. This is too much talent to waste.

[Mister Obvious]

He's prolly just gonna get hurt and ruin his career.

I'm preemptively mad at him for it.

[Mister Obvious]

ESPECIALLY at a time when he really doesn't even have much competition. Yuma is the only one who can compete with him, and their styles are so wildly different.

Nobody's ever seen anybody like Ilia with the songs he skates to and his whole approach, it's totally novel and that'll make him win by default, it's just the way of the world.

He doesn't need to be so over the top and flashy with everything he does. I dunno who's telling him to play his cards this way, but it's very irresponsible. Unconscionable, even.

[Mister Obvious]

Yuma got a cramp in Lombardia... :(

https://x.com/goldenskate/status/1966523917880754409

He claims it was just a random cramp and nothing to do with prior injuries, but if you ask me, he looked nervous from the start of the video, he wasn't like his usual self at all.

1:26 yeah jeez, I really wonder what caused the cramp... any rocket scientists in the room? I just can't figure this one out.

Meanwhile Ilia's doing backflips as if it's not one of the dumbest things imaginable on the ice. It's gonna catch up to him.

All the pressure on Yuma must be really bad right now, injuries acting up and knowing he's gotta compete against fucking Ilia at the Olympics, dear God.

Issues from old injuries are already endangering Yuma's career at 22. Ilia is only 2 years younger... imagine what it's gonna be like for him in a few years if he keeps going at this rate. But by all means, throw backflips into your practice routine every day, what's the worst that could happen?

I'm team Yuma all the fucking way. At least he's not constantly doing dumb shit that threatens his safety. And yet he's still suffering from the consequences of competitive skating. Danger and injury is inherent in figure skating, there's no reason to pull five 4As and a backflip in your program... you're already running out of time by nature of the sport itself.

Who the hell is Ilia's coach... is it just his parents?? So yeah, his coaches are his parents and some guy named Rafael. I'm pretty sure Rafael prolly ain't the one encouraging Ilia to take so many risks. He needs wiser counsel in his life. He's starting to look like the Britney Spears of figure skating.

[Mister Obvious]

TBH, I feel like 1970s figure skating was sorta boring compared to the programs we see now, but... I dunno, maybe they had it right.

[Mister Obvious]

The comments are brutal for Alysa Liu's program...



People are saying the Lady Gaga medley is a terrible choice, not fit for the Olympics, etc. I dunno, maybe they're right. I thought her skating was great, but it just didn't make me feel anything.

Rion Sumiyoshi won at Lombardia this year...



I found her program pretty damn boring.

There's like no one exciting for the women's singles, and most definitely not among the USA contenders.

A random Russian is gonna win that Olympic gold for sure...

Adelia Petrosian probably. There's nothing new from her recently though.

The male skaters are so much more exciting.

[Mister Obvious]

So Ilia's costumes aren't ready yet and that's why he's been skating in practice gear. People are shit talking him over it, but it's like they forget this is the same guy who performs in sweats.

They're also criticizing the song choice, some people don't like the spoken word and they feel like it fucks with the flow. Basically, people are either getting the message, or they literally can't understand the words that are being spoken, which I personally find hilarious.

It's true that there are scores of people out there who are too dumb to understand the meaning behind some of Ilia's song choices.

As for his program, it's wicked and his backflip in this one looked a lot better than yesterday's video. It's still dumb though. Incredibly risky for no reason. Not a move that belongs in figure skating, which hinges on flow and precision.

And then, there's Yuma...



2:53 even his fails are beautiful.

3:06 then he pulls this shit off light as a feather, graceful as can be.

I fucking love Yuma, he's pure class. THIS is figure skating.

Lombardia is pretty much just where they introduce their Olympics material...

As a result, neither Ilia nor Yuma were really skating at full capacity here.

No one was, unless they're a skater who has no chance of winning Olympic gold, in which case EVERY public skate counts.

https://www.olympics.com/en/news/isu-cs-...ma-results

Yuma devotees are fans of classic figure skating, so in other words, total snobs. They love the delicacy of the sport, it's all about grace and beauty in form.

Those who prefer Ilia are typically the young crowd, or people who are ready to see the industry change and get more competitive and ridiculous. They pretty much just want Cirque du Soleil on the ice.

If you want circus performance on the ice to become a thing, then make a subcategory for it. Otherwise, figure skating and whatever the hell Ilia is doing are two different things.

Ilia = circus on ice. Yuma = the true definition of figure skating.

[Mister Obvious]

Hell you know what, maybe Ilia FUCKING SHOULD form an ice circus troupe...

They'd make better shit than Cirque du Soleil's attempt. No shade.

[Mister Obvious]

I find myself developing a genuine dislike for pairs skaters...

These two are the shit though.

Katerina Mrazkova and Daniel Mrazek...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kate%C5%99...zkov%C3%A1

Apparently they're SIBLINGS?!?! Say what!? Okay.

3:03 TBH I live for it.

They won gold at World Juniors in 2023.

Re: Lombardia they were in first place as of yesterday but I can't find any more info about it.

They should go CURBSTOMP at the Olympics.

4:14 the choreography is fire. I'm a fan of these two, I can't lie.

They fuckin' slay.

[Mister Obvious]

That was epic, holy fuck. What the hell?

[Mister Obvious]

Hell you know what, maybe Ilia FUCKING SHOULD form an ice circus troupe...

I'm honestly dead serious, like think about it...

Hanyu has the ice circus market cornered in Japan, and what he's doing is a lot closer to Cirque's take, but it's WAY way fucking better.

Ilia should form the ice circus troupe of America dude...

100%.

That's one way to popularize ice skating/dancing in the US again and get people back into it.

[Mister Obvious]

Hanyu has the ice circus market cornered in Japan, and what he's doing is a lot closer to Cirque's take, but it's WAY way fucking better.

It's next to IMPOSSIBLE to attend one of Hanyu's shows... you basically gotta win the lottery. It's great for Japan, not so great for international. But it's better than nothing, it NEEDED to exist.

Now we need it in the USA...

If (pft, when) Ilia wins the Olympic gold, he should transition into forming an entirely new thing.

He shouldn't even try for consecutive wins, '26 and '30, his body won't last.

Just win that shit once and try to form a new branch off figure skating, ride the popularity wave and make it really count for something.

That's what Yuzuru did, and as great as Ilia is, he's got a long fucking way to climb to be on Yuzuru's level as far as sheer fucking fame goes.

He might not be able to make it quite big enough to be able to form this new thing. But hopefully he will.

Cuz the Americans are fucking sucking on the world stage when it comes to competitive ice skating, and we really need some new life injected into this shit.

I don't even care if it's NOT classical figure skating, if it's gotta be Ilia's brand of newfangled shit then fine. We just need some fucking culture added back into this bitch.

[Mister Obvious]

American girls need something respectable to look up to... replacing pole dancing whoredom with some ice circus shit is fine with me. ANYTHING is better than what we have going on right now.

[Mister Obvious]

TAKE ME TO THE CIRCUS BITCH!~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!