All Time Favorite Figure Skaters

[Mister Obvious]

This is my porn.

Lol 1:42 thank God I got my nut off before they started showing all these rejects in masks.

[Mister Obvious]

12:40 this Aleksandr Selevko dude is pretty hot. He's definitely awesome. Nice musical choice too.

Wonder when they're gonna start doing gay pairs skating. Right?

What kind of asshole uploads a video this long without timestamping who skates when.

1:38:33 Deniss Vasiljevs, he's super hot too. 1:39:08 good Lord, what a beautiful man. He fell but who cares. His jumps are great when he pulls them off though.

Sometimes I wonder if some of these figure skater dudes are space aliens.

I'd hate humans a lot more if figure skating didn't exist.

3:28:00 Mikhail Kolyada, yet another wicked hot dude. It's giving antichrist horror movie vibes, an aesthetic which I live for. Definitely my kind of guy. 3:28:36 so good, you know I really wonder with this type of skater why they never go straight to the top and become super famous. I guess not everyone wants to compete on that level. I can see that being especially true for those who just genuinely do love to skate.

3:44:20 oh my God it's Yuma. He's so adorable. 3:45:54 I think it's important to remember that, classically, Yuma is as good as they come. And not that cult followings necessarily have anything to do with Olympic wins, but it's just too bad that he's gonna be facing off against the cult of Ilia, which I can only imagine must be particularly rabid.

3:47:43 Yuma really is just beautiful. He's so pleasant. I'm such a fan. I'll be rooting for him in 2026. God knows enough people are gonna be going nuts over Ilia, he's way too mainstream. Yuma is for REAL muhfuckas.

[Mister Obvious]

Just looking at Yuma sends a huge spike of oxytocin pumping through my system.

He's just the cutest thing ever. Kittens wish they were as cute as Yuma Kagiyama.



1:36 agh my God, Yuma is EVERYTHINNNNGGg.

2:33 he's so glorious and perfect.

4:14 dude his body is like 100% power.

Even shitty figure skaters are so much better than everyone else though.

It's the highest form humanity can reach re: physicality paired with artistic expression.



This was the 2020 Youth Olympics and he DID win the gold.

Hmmm.

I dunno, I'm just pissed at the idea that Ilia is gonna win the Olympics just because he does the most risky, problematic shit in the game.

He's like the Evel Knievel of figure skating. Just cuz you survive doesn't mean what you did wasn't stupid.

But I do feel better knowing Yuma at least won gold at SOME kind of Olympics and TBH, what the hell is the difference anyways?

He technically already won Olympic gold, so fuck it.

[Luscious Atanari]

I love figure skating.

I wrote an opening-night commercial for the NHL that was never used, sadly, but it was fairly disrespectful to the male figure skating athletes, and fairly violent, so maybe it was for the best. It starts with a beautiful man figure skating, so elegant it borders on somber, with sweeping classical music playing, the crowd reserved and classy, and then a hockey player for the LA Kings comes out of nowhere and checks him against the wall, teeth and blood flying in slow motion, the crowd turns rowdy and roars, and then the title screen: 

THE NHL IS BACK

[Mister Obvious]

Fucking rofl, that's actually hilarious.

[Mister Obvious]

I forgot there were other sports that take place on the ice.