The Witcher (2019) - Review & Commentary

[Mister Obvious]

WARNING: SPOILERS. HAPPENING. BELOW. DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW.

Trailer:



https://www.netflix.com/title/80189685

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Witcher_(TV_series)

Ah God, I can't believe I'm about to attempt to watch this. It's new. I hate new TV shows. They're all utter garbage. But... I'm at a loss as to what I should be watching this fine Friday night, and I came across this badass retrowave jam earlier: Dimi Kaye - Toss A Coin To Your Witcher (Instrumental) It got me curious about the show and I decided I'd check it out. Now I will say this... the ONLY reason that I'm actually watching it, like I assume 99.5% of everyone else who watches it, is because of Henry Cavill's fine ass. I'm 100% certain there is absolutely no other reason to watch this show... I think that goes without saying.

Now these episodes are pretty long... looks like an hour each. It's kind of an investment. But I'll try this first one out and if it's decent, I may watch more. If I think it's dumb as shit, I probably won't watch beyond the first episode. I have never been into this "type" of show... I assume it's trying to be like "Game of Thrones" which I have never watched and have never had any desire to watch whatsoever. I really don't like the settings of these shows, it just doesn't appeal to me. I've never really been into fantasy movies and all that kinda bullshit. But I will give it a go and see what I think.

Season 1 - Episode 1 - "The End's Beginning"

1:00 okay well, this is already stupid.

1:14 how is he making those sounds UNDER water?

2:58 oh yeah, like they'd really all go quiet just because he walks in. Come on, there's like 300 people in there.

4:08 lmao there's no way this mouthy bitch would be getting away with that. This is so stupid. Definitely probably only gonna make it through one episode, if that.

5:15 I got a secret you can keep, baby!!!!!!!!!!! *nanarub* YEeeeeah!!!!!

9:05 I dunno... this interaction between Geralt and the girl was sort of cute I guess.

10:15 uhhh, nudity much??

15:37 Henry Cavill thinks this show is so fucking stupid. I'm surprised. Maybe not the WHOLE show, but certainly this particular plotline and situation. Hmmm. Maybe it has something to do with where/how it's being filmed.

29:10 protector? Lmfao, more like heir to the throne and her future babydaddy.

29:35 I dunno what her problem is... I'd love to be alone with those dudes!

39:12 I'd have thrown in the caveat "I'll leave for good... IF YOU FUCK ME!!!!!!" I mean come on, we all know what's in store for these two.

39:40 yeaaah, I gotta tell ya... I'm probably not gonna watch any more of this show. It's just not really my kinda shit.

41:00 soooo, where are those escape tunnels again?!

43:33 shit, I'd run away with that guy in a heartbeat.

46:20 oh I'd drink that shit in a heartbeat dude for sure.

48:27 so this is their plan? They're sneaking out the back??? Lmfao. Wow. Okay.

49:39 oh shit, now he's in the grips.

51:40 good fight scenes though.

52:20 so this is supposed to be the princess chick huh? So why is her hair dark? Her eyes look dark too. I'm sure it's part of the story or something.

53:15 or maybe I'm wrong and it's not supposed to be her. No idea.

Okay well I have no clue whatsoever WTF is going on in this show. Seems kinda decent but if I can't follow the plot any better than that, incentive to watch it goes down pretty hard. Henry Cavill's hot, but I dunno if it's worth watching the show just for that.

[danisantiagodiaz]

Thanks

[Mister Obvious]

No problem Dani?!

[Mister Obvious]

I dunno, kinda torn about this show.

I mean it was sort of interesting.

Without the storyline of the crazy screaming princess chick, it wouldn't be that great though...

Cavill is actually second to that.

I'm vaguely intrigued by her story...

But I just dunno what was up with that chick he killed or why I thought SHE was the princess.

I mean she SAID she had been a princess at one time... were they trying to confuse us??

How many damn orphaned princesses are running around out there?!

And was the princess girl's story way in the past, or was the invasion of the kingdom recent??

Dude I have noooo idea. It shouldn't be that unclear to me, and this is what makes me question whether I want to watch more. We'll see.

[Mister Obvious]

And can I just say...

I'm sick of these British accents in all these fantasy shows.

It's sort of obnoxious...

Like yeah I understand Cavill is ACTUALLY British and whatnot but...

*shrug*

I dunno man, it's just a TYPE of show/setting that ALWAYS has these fucking Brit accents, and it's so predictable and makes them all the same.

I just don't really like it.

I dig Brit accents, don't get me wrong, they're fine, it's fine, it's cool...

It's just the fusion of the two with these fantasy shows that annoys me.

I am just not a fan of the genre in general...

Which hey, I guess that's my bad.

It's whatever.

Do I KIIINDA wanna watch the next episode though??

Kinda.

[Mister Obvious]

Oh I almost forgot...

Here are all the other posts about Henry Cavill in the database so far, and it's actually pretty interesting. We have a discussion about the history of Superman actors, and we take a look at astrology/natal charts...

From this thread:

"The sadass story of Alan Lake and Diana Dors"
https://www.sectual.com/thread-5894.html

I always thought the demise of George Reeves was pretty sad ass. Of course, you youngins have no idea who George Reeves was, but I speant a huge amount of my childhood watching him after school on TV: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/2016/0...-death-of/

All I can keep thinking about all that is how weird it is that somebody named Christopher Reeve later ended up playing Superman... AND also met with an even worse demise. WTF?

Is the Superman role doomed?

Is Henry Cavill’s fine, fine ass at risk of tragedy too?

Is this kinda stuff “just what happens to people”, and the only relation here is Superman?

So I read George Reeves’ astrological chart just out of curiousity to see if there were any portents of suicide...

There were quite a few mentions of violence, suggesting that he was the quarrelsome one...

http://images.sectual.com/_data/i/upload...97f-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/_data/i/upload...ad8-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/_data/i/upload...3bf-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/_data/i/upload...1d3-me.jpg

There were also a lot of mentions about reigning in sensual desires and being easily seduced also presenting a problem in one’s life.

Just for reference sake, here was my conclusion about the astrological profile of Christopher Reeve...

From this thread:

"Jane Seymour is so hot and she always has been"
https://www.sectual.com/thread-5276.html

BTW...

https://i.imgur.com/GGAtqbp.png

Astrology isn't accurate though...

(((Sarcasm)))

Now I just need to read Henry Cavill’s profile...

I’ve got a free minute, gonna look up Cavill’s astrology chart.

Ruh roh...

Henry Cavill’s chart ain’t lookin’ too carefree so far.

Holy crap, his chart is worse than either Reeve(s).

http://images.sectual.com/_data/i/upload...c3f-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/_data/i/upload...b5e-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...cfa-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...62b-me.jpg

This one is especially reminiscent of situations past Superman actors have found themselves in:

http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...a2b-me.jpg

More:

http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...e1c-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...861-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...0e3-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...643-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...562-me.jpg
http://images.sectual.com/i.php?/upload/...62b-me.jpg

Other than that...

There are some indications of him being an actor, and being in the arts.

So we know it’s at least a little accurate.

All this talk of violence in Henry’s chart is turning me on!!!

Wonder if he’s into BDSM!?!

Check it:

http://www.henrycavillnews.com/2015/08/v...g.html?m=1

http://images.sectual.com/_data/i/upload...fe5-me.jpg

Henry’s love for violence makes me wanna fuck so hard!!!

[Mister Obvious]

Season 1 - Episode 2 - "Four Marks"

Agh... I'm so hesitant about watching this show. I dunno what it is... I think it's just the style of the show, that whole entire genre just really turns me off. Not into it at all. But I will try to give it a chance.

0:22 oh these people are totally gonna get killed lmfaollololololololol.

0:40 uh whoa, what a cunt. Yeah actually, you know what, kill that bitch. Save the guy though, he seems like a good lad.

1:10 oh shit... looks like braids bitch has a fan!!!!!!!!

1:15 oh wow, the guy's gonna attack her like that?? Well fuck him too then, kill 'em both.

1:23 bahahahahahaha they're totally gonna get killed.

2:00 oh shit, NEXT LEVEL DISSOCIATION THOUUUUGHHHH!!!! PORTALLING THOUGGGHHH!!!

2:20 "Oh, you're a virgin." He did need to be smacked for that though, let's be real.

What, so only virgins can portal?! That's RAYYYYYCISSSSSTTTT~!!!!!!!

4:00 dude this show's makin' me horny as shit!

4:46 lmfao he just randomly sold their daughter. What a douche! 4 marks? Lmfao... if it was that easy she'd have been sold a long time ago.

5:30 ugh, I hate dimly lit scenes in movies/shows... so obnoxious.

5:51 looks like she's got everything she needs in that room, I dunno why she's so mad, it's better than the shithole from whence she came.

7:07 FINALLY we see princess bitch IN the actual woods which she's rumored to fucking be in. So I guess she's in present day then?

7:30 why shit, she better dig a fucking hole or something.

TBH the ol' "save the princess" storyline is waaaay overused, amirite?? Damn yo. Done to death.

7:40 Princess what??? Agh, God. FFS. I guess I better learn these damn characters' names. Let's see, her name is... Ciri? And the other alleged Princess chick's name was Renfri. Some dumb names in this show. At least Geralt is a semi-decent name. Kinda dumb too but whatevs.

7:44 she looks a lot like Kirsten Dunst from the side... is this Kirsten's illegitimate ritualistic hollywood breeder lovechild? Her name is Freya Allan... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freya_Allan

No info about her parents on the ol' Wiki... you know, they say you can tell who is an agent by whether or not their parents are listed on their Wiki page. No parents listed, verified agent. My argument to that was always bro, EVERYONE is a fucking agent in hollyweird, lmfaololol! Like come on. That said, she's pretty new in the game and that info is probably only missing because her career has just started. Within a few years, the info will probably be listed. Will it be totally fabricated though? That's anyone's guess.

I was about to ask WTF hasn't Kirsten Dunst reproduced yet, but then I Googled it and it looks like she did in 2018... with this dude: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesse_Plemons Weird flex but okay.

7:48 ehhh, nevermind, she doesn't really look like her. Agh, God, I'm so hungry right now, legit. OMG I just remembered I have leftover spaghetti from dinner lastnight!!!!!!!!!! Get. In. My. Fucking. Face.

7:58 oh hell yeah, that's what I'm talking about, cover yoass in dirt bebeh!!!!!!!! That's my kinda girl right there!!!!!!!! I love dirt!!!!!!!! You know that shit has healing properties!!!!!!!!!

8:22 uhhh, WTF, she kinda did a half-ass job. OMG is she gonna eat those berries for real?? That's some more shit out of your standard fairytale story.

9:00 I get her hesitation, it could easily be a trick/trap. It'd be nice if it wasn't though. He doesn't LOOK super homeless. Ooooohhhhhh, he came from the same place she did, OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:37, bitch they're dead!!! WTF do you think?!

9:40 well this dude is boring as fuck.

11:16 whoa, is she really that dumb?? Wow. Shit.

12:08 okay this singer dude is the first thing I genuinely fucking despise about this show. I knew it would happen. I knew they'd do something to piss me off. It's not a dealbreaker yet... but it could be. This is undoubtedly the first of many things that will test my endurance re: this fucking show, and I don't like it enough to put up with too much. JBH.

12:27 yeah, stone this guy. For real. You suck bro, fuck off!

12:40 oh God, is he gonna go and offer to suck the witcher's dick?

14:00 does Henry Cavill have curly hair?? https://imgur.com/a/t9WJDFq Shiiiiit dude, it kinda looks like he might!!! You guys know I have a fetish!!!!!!! https://www.sectual.com/thread-13039.html *nanarub*

14:40 wow this is some pretty scenery... wonder if it's even real though?? Let's see where this is filmed... ah, Budapest apparently. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Witcher_(TV_series) Wiki talks like it's past tense... is the show already over?? Ah, apparently season 1 is over but season 2 is supposed to be released in 2021. Wonder if that'll happen?

Hmmm, how many episodes are in season 1?? Looks like 8 episodes. Wow, the WHOLE show was released on Netflix at once? That's strange. So yeah, this is basically just like 8 movies. LOL. Interesting.

Okay so I took like an hour break to do some housework and to spice up the leftover spaghetti into an oven-baked creation of uniqueness so that it wasn't simply leftover spaghetti anymore. I added olives, spinach, cheese and my special Italian seasoning mixture, and turned it into a thing of wonder. Now that my stomach won't be growling anymore, let the commentary commence.

14:46 LOL I love a man who smells of onions! Delicious!

15:13 I love that he just socked the shit out of this guy, and I love the fact that the show decided not to take this character seriously... if they had been trying to push this annoying fella as some type of legitimately important character, I would have ultimately decided I simply fucking hate this show.

15:20 "Do you know how many people wouldn't blink if you died?" LMFAO no shit lady?! She's saying this to a totally unknown, birth defected farmgirl that nobody fucking knows, LMFAO. What a dumb scenario. That is really stupid, I'm sorry but it is.

15:49 her name is WHAT?! Ahahahaha gah, these names are so dumb. That's like my biggest qualm with this show yet.

17:40 "Magic is organizing chaos"... pretty decent and useful line, really. "Balance, and control. Without them, chaos will kill you." Sheeeeeit, this show might not be so bad after all?!? *banana dance*

Dang dude... this is one of the best scenes in any movie or show out there as it pertains to magical truths.

20:30 but as we all know, they always have to shovel shit on top of it after they share valuable knowledge of any kind in movies and TV, it's part of the crossroads agreement. Sooo. Wonder what kinda shit they're gonna shovel on this?

21:18 why the fuck is her hair clean now? It wasn't clean when she started running off toward them. Kind of a fucking massive continuity error. The likes of which you rarely see.

22:05 oh I bet these two are gonna be an item.

24:12 the token dwarf, of course... *facepalm* what is with these fucking fantasy shows and dwarves??

25:14 "Don't touch Roach" roflmfaolol, dude, this Geralt guy is just like me!!! We're twinsies, except he's got an outie and I've got an innie!?

27:02 damn, Henry Cavill's got some nice fuckin' teeth. Are those real or is this just a character thingy?? https://66.media.tumblr.com/ef9ef47bd28c...o2_540.png Ah yeah, I think that's just what they really look like. I don't usually notice that kinda stuff, but yeah, that's a particularly gorgeous teeth situation right here. The bottom ones look sorta crooked, which is even more likable... one thing I can't stand about hollywank is how they fake up everybody's teeth. It's not enough that the hollyweird mafia has to poison their slaves with implants of every kind, one plastic surgery procedure right after the other, steroids, you name it, on and on... they also have to put those horrible caps over their teeth and make them unnaturally white etc. Such a terrible life. Being a movie star is much like being royalty (now or in the olden days)... a life of enslavement, paraded to the public like it's the highest existence you could ever have. What a joke.

Dude OMG... I've been trying to watch this episode for literally 3 hours now... and I'm not even halfway through it.

27:21 this scene looks really fake. Wasn't Henry Cavill the one they were doing tons of crazy fake shit with re: footage of him a few years back? I remember seeing that somewhere. Ooohhh yeah, I remember now, it's cuz they had to CGI out his mustache.

I wonder if his hairline is natural. It looks too perfect. They used to pluck bitches' hairlines back in classic hollywood era so that they had a widow's peak because it was stylish and inarguably the best possible hairline to have, you guys know I have a fetish... https://www.sectual.com/thread-872.html

Apparently Henry used to play WoW... https://www.polygon.com/2016/4/2/1135344...ll-to-play LMAO damn, he has good taste! Healz? Really? That's hot. I wonder if he really plays or if it's just a paid sponsorship. Probably just sponsored. Nothing these people say is true, their lives are total lies... it's not like they ever get to do anything of their own free will.

God I'm never gonna get through this damn episode at this rate lmfaolol.

27:50 thought transference lessons?? Really?? Agh, my God. I guess this is the ol' shit shovel.

29:28 dude she's totally gonna kill this lady one day... she's GOTTA know that.

31:21 shit I'm about to fall in love.

36:50 I really want to see her kill this bitch lmao. She's a hardcore teacher and likable in some instances, but overall she sucks.

38:57 "ELVESSS" lmfaololol, I sort of appreciate the quirkier bits of this show, it's kinda groovy.

40:50 dude, I think Henry Cavill's teeth might be one of his MOST attractive traits... no BS. Seems really weird to say, but I feel like it's totes true. Sexy teeth? Wut?

50:14 is this teacher bitch really gonna have to kill her lover before she's ready to just go full super saiyan and kill her??? Predictable.

50:33 OMG he's a traitor too!? Bahahahaha, WOWWWW!!! THE BETRAYAL THOUUUGHHH!!!

50:52 now the survivor camp is getting invaded?? DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING?! *facepalm* Fucking duh.

51:10 BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! DAMN YO!!!!!!! THAT LITTLE FUCKER WENT HAM!!!!!!!! I'd be friends with that guy... you know that guy's gonna survive.

51:22 whoa that's trippy, how does he just magically know where she is?? Who is that kid??

51:50 the dude with the bird on his head is pretty hot TBH, I thought he was an old guy, never seen him up close before! Not disappointed!!!!!!!

54:20 this whole "flower/die" thing is such a vapid attempt at being deep/meaningful, I hate it.

55:42 is her hair turning gray?? That's kinda groovy.

Well it took 4 hours to watch that episode... dunno if I have time for any more today.

[Mister Obvious]

Hmm, so I guess this show is based on a 90s book series by Andrzej Sapkowski...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Witcher

In 2007 it was released as a video game...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Witcher_(video_game)

That's pretty cool.

Why hasn't Myst gotten its own show/movie yet tho?

[Mister Obvious]

Season 1 - Episode 3 - "Betrayer Moon"

3:30 this episode is garbage so far.

4:17 TITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:20 I like studying peoples' scars too.

4:23 lmfao he looks tormented.

6:34 I'll tell you one thing I like about these shows... no opening credits to speak of. Just a screen with the title and that's it, right back into the story. I like that, I think it's an efficient change.

12:50 I'm honestly barely watching this episode.

13:52 what the hell. Ew. This is fucked up. This is like literally porno. Gross. Why is there not a fucking X-rating on this episode?? That's crazy nasty. Seriously. I didn't need to see that.

16:22 I literally cannot understand a single fucking word this chick is saying.

They really need to just fix her, write a magic spell into the plot that fixes her deformities... I'm really bored of her shit.

16:48 lmfao and the next scene is them doing exactly that... *facepalm*

20:40 they're talking about ANOTHERRRRR PRINCESS NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I can't.

29:54 dude I have nooo fucking idea what is happening in this episode.

37:56 THAT LOVERS' QUARREL THOUUUUGHHHH!!!!!!!!! I kinda hope she kills him now.

38:20 oooo, this is pretty! It looks like space!

42:40 "I killed her." ROFLMFAOLOLOL... hawt.

42:50 "For all it brightens, love casts long shadows" so much better than the "flower/die" bullshit.

44:44 SOUNDS LIKE A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT TO ME!?!? *dancing banana*

46:08 DAAAYYYUUUUMMMM, NUDITY ALERT!!!!!!!!! TITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

48:27 man that's an ugly motherfucker!

49:03 so I'm pausing it mid chain swing to say this... I feel like that sex scene earlier was ABSOLUTELY the worst fucking thing I've seen in this show. It was worse than the obnoxious singer guy, by far. If I wanted to see porno, I'd watch porno. Frankly, I was offended... and they sprang it on us out of nowhere, we didn't even have a choice in the matter. Seriously not cool.

49:30 what the fuck?? What is he doing between her legs?? Lmfao... that's so unnecessary and stupid.

53:00 I hate shows with a lot of screaming... they're very annoying.

56:39 lmfao I wish you could see my face whilst watching this... roflmfaololololol.

57:16 oh hell yeah, HERE SHE COMES!!! FUCK 'EM UP, GURRRRLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

57:32 see, it was a great decision to fix her... she's way hotter than I figured she'd be.

[Mister Obvious]

56:39 lmfao I wish you could see my face whilst watching this... roflmfaololololol.

Like a cross between and

[Mister Obvious]

Being a movie star is much like being royalty (now or in the olden days)... a life of enslavement, paraded to the public like it's the highest existence you could ever have. What a joke.

It's sad...

They're told what opinions to have, who they can be friends with, what to say and do...

They have no free will of their own, no ability to lead free lives anymore...

And for what? Fame? Wealth? That's it?



Maybe the future of "stardom" will be different, with people having control over their own popularity online, the future of all media is the internet.

For now it's mostly controlled by the individuals themselves, though with the advent of sponsorships on YouTube and Instagram etc., it's gotten faker as the years have gone by.

Seems like an inevitable degradation of everything...

Seems like things which start out good and free end up being infiltrated by negative forces.

The fakery will not be tolerated in the future at least for a decent amount of time...

Fakeness that has pervaded hollywood etc. will be rejected, looked down upon.

The only thing people will respect and want to emulate will be realness, naturalness.

It'll be a good time... won't last, but it'll be good while it does.

Fuck being controlled by handlers, stripped of your individuality all for the sake of money/fame...

We're gonna do something else.

[Mister Obvious]

Season 1 - Episode 4 - "Of Banquets, Bastards and Burials"

I'll just say this right now... it's obvious Yennefer is gonna become all evil and shit. I'm just gonna call it right now.

1:19 oh look, it's a bunch of woodland bitches.

2:39 ew... I really dislike snow.

3:20 I'd like to swallow him whole too.

4:50 why the fuck do I KINDA like this singer guy character now??? Agh. AGH. I hate that!

6:50 how is it that the character of Geralt himself isn't REALLY all that likable? I think it's the whole gruff, "no feelings" situation that makes him come off that way. What's supposed to endear him to us if he doesn't have any feelings? Being incredibly sexy isn't enough, in real life or on screen. There's gotta be something more.

7:14 "GERALT!!!!!!" lmfaoooo that was honestly pretty funny.

8:08 man this show is WAAAAAAY oversaturated with princesses... it's got princesses out the wazoo. Ummm, and they're like in ONE part of the world. It's just kinda stupid... I mean whatever, it's all good I guess but. Just sort of strange. It's almost memeworthy. Maybe IT IS a joke.

9:35 "Kicked in the balls by an ox as a child" roflmfalfolmraoflaoololololl.

So what's this whole thing about witchers not having feelings?? Don't you have to have some sort of feelings in order to have a sense of humor? Not a bulletproof plot, that's for sure. It's enjoyable enough though and the show hasn't pissed me off irrevocably yet... besides that sex scene. Ew.

14:18 it's weird how they keep calling him "old".

15:47 that sounds like a sexual summoning to me, ROFL!

22:58 oh great, a bunch of obnoxious screaming again.

23:51 oh I get it, she's a mage and mages make portals!!! What the fuck is this, World of Warcraft??? I mean it's groovy, don't get me wrong. I just wonder where the mage/portal lore really came from. Was it in the original Witcher books? When were portals and mages first linked??

25:50 hmmm, well it doesn't really seem like Yennefer is turning evil so maybe I was wrong.

28:18 it must be hard to be as beautiful as Henry Cavill is.

28:49 oh my damn, this is intriguing. I don't give a shit what that guy looks like under there, I'd totally marry his ass!!!

40:05 somebody needs to kill that queen bitch.

42:14 dude what the fuck is even going on in this scene? I don't get it. At first it was cool but now it's just kinda WTF.

47:55 lol this Yennefer bitch is speakin' my language! She's right you know! I like how she's reasoning about the baby's life having been cut short. It's an interesting scene and it reinforces Yennefer's non-suck qualities.

54:10 man I DO NOT understand the plotline here... what the heck are they talking about? Destiny? What's that got to do with an unborn child? Why would Geralt have anything to do with that? I don't get it at all... they're fucking horrible at explaining what the fuck this story is about. It's not like 90% of people watching have ever read the fricken books.

58:26 why didn't she just put her face up there and drink it straight from the tree?

That last scene there was really beautiful, definitely the most visually pleasing scene in the show so far... https://imgur.com/a/rdvMX3X

[Mister Obvious]

25:50 hmmm, well it doesn't really seem like Yennefer is turning evil so maybe I was wrong.

OMG I can't believe I was wrong about something, that like NEVERRRR happens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mister Obvious]

Season 1 - Episode 5 - "Bottled Appetites"

1:00 oooOoOoooOoOoooo mister freaky dude keeps souvenirs in jars!!!!!!!

1:43 oh dear, this is about to get gay isn't it? Sigh... of course it had to happen. That'll be strike 2.

2:00 this is bird hat guy isn't it?? He's not bad looking at all!

2:32 is this guy referring to himself as "we"?!? I do the same thing!!! https://www.sectual.com/thread-2441.html

6:40 ah well, I'm just glad it didn't get all gay 'n shit like I thought it would.

13:12 lol, Ciri is very cute.

16:42 "Being unable to escape the child that belongs to you" oh my God WHAT THE FUCK are they talking about??? So now the RANDOM PRINCESS BITCH who we never EVEN SAW BEFORE THAT EPISODE is pregnant with Geralt's CHILD!? HOW?????? I fucking despise the fact that I have noooo fucking idea what is going on in this story.

20:15 "Uhhh... yeah. We won't let that happen." Roflmao for sure Geralt's funniest moment so far. The absolutely minimally feigned concern... just brilliant, I love it.

27:05 oh great, it's another sex scene, only now it's elevendy million people instead of just two... *facepalm*

27:48 "I uhhh... brought you apple juice." ROFLMFAOLOL. That's actually pretty damn funny. At least they threw some humor into this nasty dreadful retarded mass sex scene. It truly is pointless and useless obscenity.

29:12 lmfao God it would be so awkward to be the guy with his face in this chick's crotch for the endless amount of time it takes to film these stupid fucking scenes. He should have been the highest paid actor in the whole damn show. Just disgusting.

31:46 lmfao sigh... yeah, scars are fascinating. I guess I should remember that the next time I ask people where their scars came from. Now I feel like a normie... a simpleton. But it seems like if I don't ask, they just come out and tell me anyway.

36:34 this chick who plays Yennefer is retardedly gorgeous. Just stupid levels of beautiful.

48:15 of course they portalled. This was actually a really good episode. I absolutely approve.

50:00 why is she always on top???

55:20 this is really not a bad show, apart from the gross sex bullshit that no one needs ever.

[Mister Obvious]

I came across this badass retrowave jam earlier: Dimi Kaye - Toss A Coin To Your Witcher (Instrumental)

The next time they put Henry Cavill's absurdly sexy ass in a series, it needs to have a retrowave soundtrack just like this... and actually, Dimi Kaye should be the one who gets to make it too. If hollywank wants to have their hand in the future of online media (the only future of media) then they're gonna have to pay homage to OUR people and become cool.

[Mister Obvious]

Season 1 - Episode 6 - "Rare Species"

3:07 "You have the most incredible neck" roflmfao!!!!!! This guy knows what the ladies like to hear?!?!?!? This character has totally grown on me. I still think he's insufferable, but I definitely like him more now.

7:19 why is Geralt in love with Yennefer if he doesn't have any feelings? Is this one of the whole big points of the story? A witcher grows feelings?? LOL. I mean okay I'm down with it I guess... just seems kinda vague and not very convincing at this juncture.

13:08 lmfao Yennefer's new dick is a lil bit overzealous isn't he? Way to make friends there, buddy.

16:42 I love these pissed off dwarf dudes with the big attitudes... they're priceless. I've known people like that in real life.

17:49 I wish there were more dudes in the world who look and sound like Henry Cavill... I want one.

27:00 lol oh my God, this dwarf guy makes me so horny.

27:19 Geralt is right, I'd be turning back, no question.

35:20 the tender love thing between these two is starting to fuck with my feelings.

38:32 damn. Why were we running from this for so long? Bird hat guy seems super nice!!!

44:30 pretty bitchin' plot twist... I must say, I do dig it.

48:18 "Well that's fuckin' SHITE!" Roflroflrofl oh my God. I low key wanna marry this dwarf guy.

52:22 daaayuuum, I meeean... she has a point.

[Mister Obvious]

Season 1 - Episode 7 - "Before a Fall"

So is Princess Ciri the witcher's child of surprise/destiny baby??? I feel like most of what's gone on in this show has just gone right over my head. I gotta be honest, in no way do I legitimately understand WTF is happening.

2:00 OMG so it is! Ahahaha. What the fuck? So was her grandma played by the same actress in both time periods and I just literally didn't notice?? What in the fuck is with the way time passes in "The Witcher" universe???

5:49 dude what the actual fuck is this storyline?? I'm MORE CONFUSED THAN EVERRRRR right now.

6:52 dude OMG WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!? The show STARTED OUT WITH THEM GETTING INVADED AND THAT'S WHAT STARTED CIRI RUNNING AROUND IN THE FUCKING WOODS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!! The whole story has unfolded AFTER THAT POINT. What the hell IS THIS!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

10:10 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIIIIIIIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

So okay, are they just PRETENDING to be them?? Are these just the shapeshifters??

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

12:00 WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

12:10 dude HOOOOOOOOOO lee shit, oh my God. WHAT THE FUCK!??!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?! WTF kinda twist is this about to take??!?!?!?!??!?! Should I have seen this coming all along?!?!?! SHOULD I HAVE KNOWN!?!??!?!?!

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, OMG?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!?!?!?!???

And I thought I was confused BEFORE.

12:30 ohhhhhh. Okay. Well that was way less magical than what I thought was going on. Damn, you know what would have been really helpful with this show?? Some kind of differentiation between flashbacks or shit that happened in the past and what is happening currently. Or do I just not get it??? I seriously feel like I just don't get what the fuck is going on here at all.

14:40 what the fuck so now they have him trapped??? Was his entire story in the past then?? Is Ciri's the only story that is actually happening in the present??? God I swear this is making me feel DUMB as FUCK.

I don't care what happens... I'm rolling with it and I'm gonna post this anyways. I think it's some bullshit though.

21:11 "Why are you whispering?" rofl.

26:20 LMFAO THEY'RE TRIPPIN' BALLS!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

37:14 so what the fuck... if he escaped before she even left then where the fuck was he?

Alrighty well... I hope they can wrap this shit up in the last episode.

[Mister Obvious]

Season 1 - Episode 8 - "Much More"

The timeline for the episodes, along with in-depth summaries of events, was later created by Netflix to further describe these episodes.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Witcher_(TV_series)

Yeah I guess that's because it makes no FUCKIN' SENSE.

5:13 I like the way Geralt says fuck.

23:37 uh oh is this a flashback to Geralt's childhood!?

26:31 this one redhead lady's magic scene was one of the best in the whole show TBH.

34:12 awwww, little Geralt is such a sweetheart.

44:14 OMG YO IT'S GERALT'S MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

50:03 hell yeah burn that shit down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

51:35 shit man, honestly, I agree with this lady.

55:30 hm. Strange ending. Definitely supposed to be a season 2.

Well it was a decent show. They could have fucked it up and made it a lot worse.

They didn't put anything TOO detestable in it besides the sex BS.

It was good.

[Mister Obvious]

The thing is...

I feel like the going back and forth in time thingy was sort of just a KNOWN format in the books...

Like I haven't read them, but that's just what I assume.

I assume that the time jumping was just a given in the book and the readers totally knew what the hell was going on.

Whereas with the show it's like...

There was LITERALLY NO DIFFERENTIATION between the characters in the past, and the characters decades later.

They looked exactly the same and there was nothing else that would suggest we were supposed to know they were jumping around in time.

Like okay, yeah, they said things like 'decades have passed' or whatever, but in my opinion, that really just wasn't good enough.

For the people who have never read the books or even heard of the game before (basically everyone, come on), there was NOOO reason to assume they're gonna understand what the hell is going on.

I'm just saying.

It's fine, but it was confusing and I think it really could have been done better... I don't understand why they didn't do a better job differentiating between past and present.

[Mister Obvious]

It caused needless, distracting confusion.

I'm not a total moron, I swear...

If it confused me, I am totally certain other people were confused.

Good show, definitely good...

Well executed for the most part, but just that one thing could have been done better.