I'd like to talk to you all about the quality of your shits...
#1
Scholar 
If they're not slimy, bulky, easy to pass, and come out at least once a day...

You ain't living right.

Listen...

Canned spinach has great flavor.

Beans are your friend.

WATER IS NECESSARY FOR YOUR LIFE.

If your turds are dry and it looks like a morbidly obese rabbit shat pebbles into your toilet...

Drink more and get your fiber.

Shitting a couple times per week isn't cute.

Straining? Not cool.

Pro Tip: Chug some water and do a set of jumping jacks before you go drop that steamy loaf of brown.

This has been a shit PSA.
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#2
She's right, you know.

Protip: Plant turnips. The greens have a fuck ton of fiber, and you'll never run out of them once planted. Learn to cook them properly so you don't poison yourself.
Social media? No, my friend. Antisocial media. Cool
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#3
I love greens so much. Turnip greens, collards... but especially spinach. I keep cans of spinach on hand for when they're a central component of the meal, as well as bags in the freezer so I can put a smaller amount into other ingredients in certain dishes. There are a lot of ways to get your fiber, but those greens are #1.
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#4
Another tip... if you enjoy pizza now and then, make sure you have some greens on the side. For real. It may sound totally WTF, but the flavors actually go together really well, and there's typically no fiber in pizza to speak of. Not nearly enough. So having greens with your pizza will automatically make it a much healthier meal and will make it easier on your system.
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#5
I know spinach is a legit pizza topping or whatever, but I prefer it on the side cuz I like my pizza simple... I typically just get mushrooms and green peppers on 'em. But that is still not enough fiber to give it an easy trip through your innards.

For decades now, it's like people have been eating without even considering how their body has to handle everything it's taking in.
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#6
I eat baby spinach leaves, along with other exotic foliage, in salads and sandwiches.

I prefer cooked spinach to be chopped and crunchy, like the spinach they used to serve in the elementary school cafeteria. Most of the kids didn't like it, but that shit fucking rocked.
Social media? No, my friend. Antisocial media. Cool
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#7
(09-09-2021, 11:28 PM)Devastatia Wrote: I prefer cooked spinach to be chopped and crunchy, like the spinach they used to serve in the elementary school cafeteria.

I'm sure that's a thing of the past...

They used to care about the kids so much more :(
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#8
Or at least it seemed like it.
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#9
They didn't have fast food and soda, or any other corporate tie-ins, in the school cafeterias when I was in school. Your ass got a meal cooked by the cafeteria staff, with your choice of whole or skim milk. You only got 8 ounces of milk to wash that whole lunch down, so you'd best ration it carefully.
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#10
I bet Popeye shat like a fucking elephant.




Also of interest:

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#11
(09-09-2021, 11:34 PM)Devastatia Wrote: You only got 8 ounces of milk to wash that whole lunch down, so you'd best ration it carefully.

Whoa, I'd freak out! I'd need like 3 of them. Rofl! I love milk as y'all know. I've been practically worshiping it lately, no intentions of stopping!!!
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#12
(09-09-2021, 11:36 PM)Atma Wrote: I bet Popeye shat like a fucking elephant.

Nah, Popeye converted that spinach directly into pure strength.
Social media? No, my friend. Antisocial media. Cool
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#13
(09-09-2021, 11:39 PM)Devastatia Wrote: Nah, Popeye converted that spinach directly into pure strength.

It was probably just power of suggestion for him. Think about it. Dude went into hulk mode within a seconds of consumption, before his body had any time whatsoever to convert the spinach. 

He might have been constipated, though. Look at his forearms, ffs. That's probably what happens when one is literally gripping the toilet seat for leverage day in and day out.

Olive Oyl, though. You don't get that skinny without destroying toilets.
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#14
Been on a baked sweet potato kick recently, fantastic addition to the diet. I had almost forgotten about them. Very friendly the next day as well.
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#15
Are you sure it's not the e-coli or salmonella they keep finding on the spinach that's making you poop?
Hands Up!  Panties Down!
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#16
^^^ We've got a spinach hater in our midst...
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#17
It's just that every time you hear about e-coli/samonella in the news, they always mention spinach.

I also remember some one saying that the illegals they get to harvest the crops also poop in the fields.
Hands Up!  Panties Down!
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#18
(09-10-2021, 12:53 PM)Dark Dick Wrote: It's just that every time you hear about e-coli/samonella in the news, they always mention spinach.

I also remember some one saying that the illegals they get to harvest the crops also poop in the fields.

I've heard about it a lot involving peanut butter and basically every Qdoba restaurant on earth too.

I've also heard the Mexicans poop in the tomato fields, which is why you have to buy tomatoes still attached to the vine.
Social media? No, my friend. Antisocial media. Cool
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#19
I wonder if the field-pooping Mexicans have quality shits. hmmm
Social media? No, my friend. Antisocial media. Cool
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#20
I bought two cans of Popeye chopped spinach on the way home tonight. I hope it's crunchy like back in the day! Banana

Also, kale, cucumbers, and tomatoes for a gut-scrubbing salad.
Social media? No, my friend. Antisocial media. Cool
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