MennoniteDating.com...

[Mister Obvious]

Is that a thing??

BABY WANTS TO FUCK!!!!!

[Closet Scene - Blue Velvet (1986)]

[Mister Obvious]

Ooooo shit! I might have found something!

http://www.mennomeet.com

It's an online "potluck"...

MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Mama Trixie's hungry!!!

[Mister Obvious]

My Mennonite dating profile FINALLY got approved...

It only took like 3 months?!

I guess the Mennonite dating scene isn't booming or anything.

I pass hotass Mennonite dudes in their horse drawn carts every fuckin' day...

They are fine as fuck.

I like to fish in a bigger pond though... I want an exceptionally sexy Mennonite dude who's into BDSM. I have standards. Can't put that shit on a Mennonite dating profile though!!! Guess I'll have to stalk out a Mennonite hottie on the down low.

[Nb]

I thought you didnt like date sites? Mennonite? Isnt that a cult group? I guess i wont comment on christians cause i dont want to sound insulting and i know, all christians aint totally brainwashing idiot nutjobs but i was forced to live with christians for 3 years when i was a kid and..well.. It didnt go to good but thats another story.

[Mister Obvious]

Mennonites are HUGE nutjobs...

But I don't care about what they believe.

I just wanna find one who's super horny and wants to rebel.

I'm not gonna BECOME a Mennonite...

I'm just trying to steal one of their hottest away from them.

[Nb]

Ok then i just became a mennonite.. That was easy. Here i am thinking they are all assholes and wham, i am now one of them. So about this date? Where, when, how?

[Mister Obvious]

Ahahahahaha...

Nice try, Nb, well played.

I am not trying to belittle your attempts to please me. Trix Malone. Queen of the Outcasts.

But I have to be honest...

I'm gonna need a dude who was born into the Mennonite way of life...

He needs to have a lot of bottled up desire to go against the programming.

[Mister Obvious]

Plus, he needs to come from a strict Mennonite background so that I can seem hardcore kinky compared to the undoubtedly vanilla chicks he's used to.

[Nb]

Again..that sounds just like me. Haa. You cannot deny what is just meant to be. Besides, i just joined the local mennonite club and it would be a waist to tell me i did it for nothing.

[Mister Obvious]

Those Mennonite chicks though!!! Wow...

I saw one today. Her husband (I guess) pulled out onto the road in this farming cart that was pulled by two particularly good looking light colored horses.

Then she was gonna pull out, but there were cars coming... so she pulls on the reigns to make the horses stop. The horse on her cart was dark like they usually are.

And I was just thinking... HORSES?!? Those fuckers have a mind of their own... it's like you just hope and pray to God they'll actually stop and wait for the cars to go by. I mean I'm sure they're smarter than that anyways but still. DAMN.

And it occurred to me, the Mennonites don't give a fuck.

They do not give a FUCK.

Zero fucks given. Absolute zero.

And then I was thinking, damn you know... it would be kinda sad and wrong to steal one of the hottest Mennonite dudes away from these fine ladies. They need their good looking men. I might feel kinda bad about it if I really did that.

I will have to think about it. I really will have to think about it.

[Mister Obvious]

Just saw a couple of sexy as fuck Mennonite dudes coming out of WalMart...

Mmmm, they were fine as fuck too, with them longass ginger beards. They were nice 'n young...

Mmmm, damn. They wanted a piece too, I could tell. But I tried not to look too rapey as I walked past... didn't wanna scare 'em.

[Guest]

Just saw a couple of sexy as fuck Mennonite dudes coming out of WalMart...

Mmmm, they were fine as fuck too, with them longass ginger beards. They were nice 'n young...

Mmmm, damn. They wanted a piece too, I could tell. But I tried not to look too rapey as I walked past... didn't wanna scare 'em.

We can take on the evils of civilization together miss trix but first you must be cleansed of wickedness .  Getting your electronic devices back into the community might be difficult and we will need to get you into proper dress code . You must show absolute humility or the elders will know you are full of demons . You have shown interest in our ways   and Father  wants me to properly exam you  ,body and  mind.   Join us fair lady  and we shall welcome you  . There will be a ceremony as  I ride you ,the whole community wants to express its love .  You will get your own pony and cow  and be given tasks to keep your perverse mind from wandering  .  Plus there will be numerous babies  starting in year 1  .  Leave behind your wicked ways  and embrace the country ,girl .

http://www.urbanmonk.com/wp-content/uplo...ader-2.jpg

[Mister Obvious]

There will be a ceremony as  I ride you ,the whole community wants to express its love .

The whole community!?

Oo la la!

This is hearkening back to my beloved caveman days... so very long ago, so many thousands of years, yet it still tugs at my heart and loins!



I'm moist!

[Mister Obvious]

The other day, I saw a small group of young Mennonite men at Lowe's Home Improvement.

Most of them looked normal, the typical genetically perfect, pure standard good looking breed.

But when I got to checkout, one of them who I didn't see before had joined the rest...

He looked like a high fashion male model moonlighting as a Mennonite guy.

I was shooketh.

He was wearing a crisp white shirt with black suspenders, while his counterparts were wearing the typical blue plaid shirts with matching blue suspenders.

He was glorious and he knew it. Almost certainly gayer than a $3 bill.

He didn't wait in line with the rest, he just walked out.

[Devil Inside]

I bet one of them plain vanilla Mennonite women would be kinky as hell after being repressed all their lives.

[Mister Obvious]

I don't think they actually know what sex is.

You'd have to tell them what it is.

Then they'd have to get over the mind fuck of it being something other than what they were told it is all along.

Gnomesayin'?

I know you know what I'm saying, and you know that shit is true.

[Mister Obvious]

He looked like a high fashion male model moonlighting as a Mennonite guy.

The Mennonites are some healthy motherfuckers though...

ALL of them have the old school looking bodies, you know, the pre-corn syrup in literally every single fucking thing kinda bodies, the pre-1970s and on kinda bodies.

They are the picture of what humans should look like re: the physical frame.

[Dark Dick]

I like to fish in a bigger pond though... I want an exceptionally sexy Mennonite dude who's into BDSM. I have standards. Can't put that shit on a Mennonite dating profile though!!! Guess I'll have to stalk out a Mennonite hottie on the down low.

You should tell them you're part Native American, and your Hopi name is "Mocahontas".

How about... "Mocahotass"?

[Dark Dick]

LOL. "Pocahotass".

[Guest]

I don't think they actually know what sex is.

You'd have to tell them what it is.

Then they'd have to get over the mind fuck of it being something other than what they were told it is all along.

Gnomesayin'?

I know you know what I'm saying, and you know that shit is true.

Yeah, but once they get past that stage....

I've heard tales of pure, naive, virtuous girls who turned into sex fiends once they tried it.