Scenes, skits and silly musings
#41
When writing for "Boss" I really try to make even the most mundane things that
he says into something just totally perved out. Things that don't [or shouldn't! lol]
even draw a person's lust to the surface. But it does for old Bossy. Hahaha.

I try to not go too over the top, but it's a fine line with him. He's sooo cracked and
out of touch! Oblivious. He's completely in his own head 24/7 and I'm pretty sure it's
not a good place! lol

It's a fun little exercise, writing his character. I'm always a little surprized at how far he
goes. lol [Maaaybe not, hahaha]
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#42
More of these, again... lol


Boss: "Nude. Skydiving!"
HNOC: *U-turn exit*


Boss: "Train heist?"
HNOC: "BREAKING! BAD! IS! NOT! REAL!" *storms out*

Boss: "Petting zoo!!"
HNOC: "I'm gonna need more than that..."
Boss: "That's what she said!!" *howls with laughter*
HNOC: *glares menacingly*
Boss: "What makes it SO funny, is you literally just said that! Get it??"
HNOC: "What about the petting zoo??"
Boss: "Oooh, yeah, I wanna start one!"
HNOC: "Hmm, not a terrible idea..."
Boss: "Right here in my office!"
HNOC: "Urgh God I'm going..." *leaves office*

Boss: "Hot-air ballooning!!"
HNOC: *waits for it*
Boss: "Yes? No?"
HNOC: "In what capacity?"
Boss: "I wanna go watch some, live and in person!"
HNOC: "OK, not bad, where to?"
Boss: "Guatemala!!" *rubs hands together deviously*
HNOC: "Aww Jeez, do they even do that down there??"
Boss: "Who cares, we can light that fire for 'em!!"
HNOC: *walks out*

Boss: *painting a HUGE canvas on the floor, using his nude body as a brush*
HNOC: "Oh my GOD, why don't you just stay home???" *runs out*

Boss: *standing in front of easel, nude female modeling on couch*
HNOC: "Jeezus God damn, this really is just your own disgusting little playground isn't it?"
Boss: "Check it out!" *motions to the canvas*
HNOC: *looks, sees terrible stick figure with excessively over-sized boobs... again*
HNOC: *to the model* "I don't know what he's paying you, but I'd ask for double!" *walks out*

Boss: "You ever have a girl-on-girl adventure??"
HNOC: *U-turn exit* 

Boss: "You ever think Life is just a bum deal?"
HNOC: "Uh, well... sometimes, it's not super-great but, it's not all that bad."
Boss: "Kids dying of cancer, puppies & kittens gettin run over, Chuck E. Cheese going out of business..."
HNOC: *bugs eyes a little* "You can't go through life with all that on your mind, it's pointless."
HNOC: *walks over to windows, pulls curtains back* "There, get a little light in here!"
Boss: "Thanks..."
HNOC: *stands beside Boss as he sits moping at desk*
HNOC: "Just try to focus on the good things in your life, that helps."
Boss: "I guess you're right." *looks up at Chick*
Boss: "Hey, your hair is really pretty today."
HNOC: "Aww, thanks!"
Boss: "Will you slap me in the face with your tits?"
HNOC: "You just can't do it, can you??? Not ONE single time can you have a civil conversation
without bringing tits, asses or retarded illegal behavior into it! Uuurrggh!!!" *storms out, AGAIN*

: )
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#43
"The Salad"

Chick finds the old numbtard having lunch at his desk.

HNOC: "Oh my God, are you actually having a salad?"
Boss: "You say that like it's a first or something?!"
HNOC: "I've never seen you eat a salad before!"
Boss: "Eeeh, not my usual bang but..."
HNOC: "Usual bang??"
Boss: "Yeah, bang. Not my normal thing, not my bag, not a go-to. Why you sweatin' me ho'?"
HNOC: *disbelief* "Did you just call me a ho'?"
Boss: "I'm trying to broaden my dietary horizons..."
HNOC: "*clears throat* "I'm very surprized! Good for you!"
Boss: "Yeah, whatever... it's not great..."
HNOC: "Whatcha got in there?"
Boss: "Uh, chicken, croutons, little cheddar, bacon bits, ranch! Gotta have my ranch, Brotendo!"
HNOC: "Ya know, the purpose of having a salad is to not defeat the purpose of having a salad..."
Boss: "You tryin' to Oprah me?"
HNOC: "I'm just saying, you've got more of a pizza there than a healthy salad..."
Boss: "Eh, fuck it. I'm not enjoying it anyway..." *stands up, turns around and hurls salad at window*
HNOC: "What the Hell?"
Boss: "Well fuck me three times on Sunday, I could've SWORN that window was open!"
HNOC: *stares at colossal mess all over the window and floor*
Boss: *sighs* "Iiiii'm not cleaning that up."
HNOC: "Of course not, it's only your mess, in your office..."
Boss: "That cute little temp still here? Shayla? Whatever the fuck her name is?"
HNOC: "NO! I'm not sending her in here for that!"
Boss: "Why not? She's an employee??"
HNOC: "She's also 21, and doesn't need your bullshit scarring her for life!!"
Boss: "Well somebody's gotta clean this up!"
HNOC: "I'll get right on it!" *leaves office*

TWO MINUTES LATER...

Brenda [from HR]: "I'm told there's a problem in here??"
Boss: "Gaaaahdamn it Chick..."


; )
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#44
"The Fear"

ChickBossOfficeAgain... lol

Boss: *sits at desk, looking VERY worried*
HNOC: "Damn, tax season already?"
Boss: "Could you shut the door?"
HNOC: "Sure, what's up?" *shuts door, sits down*
Boss: "So I got that trip to Albuquerque on Thursday."
HNOC: "Cool, Breaking Bad! Right?"
Boss: *nervously clears throat*
HNOC: "You can take that tour, see the house, all the places around town, you'll love it!"
Boss: "I've already done all that... three times..."
HNOC: "Oh, well... you can take in more of the local scene, try some restaurants..."
Boss: "You don't understand!"
HNOC: "Usually, no... you're a peculiar bird!"
Boss: "I... it's..."
HNOC: "Cooome on, tell Auntie Chick..."
Boss: "The Fear..."
HNOC: "The who?"
Boss: "Of flying... the fear of flying... I got it!"
HNOC: "But you fly regularly..."
Boss: "Not alone!"
HNOC: "Ooooh, I see..."
Boss: "It's just... I dunno man, it's fucked up. I..."
HNOC: "Soooo..."
Boss: "You wanna do a come-with?"
HNOC: "Me? Fly to Albuquerque? With you?"
Boss: "Yeah, it could be like a little, stay-non-cation!"
HNOC: "So I leave ALL the work I have to do HERE to go babysit you at 40,000 feet?"
Boss: "You make it sound pitiful!"
HNOC: "IT'S FOR AN HOUR!!"
Boss: "Hey! Would YOU want a red-hot poker up your yeah-yeah for sixty long minutes??"
HNOC: "Dude, seriously... it's an HOOOUUURRR!"
Boss: *puts face down into hands, shakes head*
HNOC: "Oh God please don't cry!"
Boss: *making some sounds*
HNOC: "Awww Jeezus..."
Boss: *almost working up a sob now*
HNOC: "Okaaay, fine... But you're comping me! The whole ride! Got it?"
Boss: *muddled* "Of course..."

Chickie babe really stepping in it now! lol


TO BE CONTINUED...
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#45
"The Fear: Part II"

Chick and Boss sit on plane as it begins to take off...

Boss: "Aww Jeezus, here it comes!!"
HNOC: "Relax! You've done this a million times before."
Boss: "I know, but I keep thinking of that soccer team, in the Alps... they had to eat each other!!"
HNOC: "Uuuh, the Andes?? And we're only going to ABQ... not to mention IT'S AN HOUR!!"
Boss: "Still... fuck, I need a drink!"
HNOC: "You're gonna have to wait for that!"
Boss: "Wait shit!" *reaches into carry-on, pulls out magic flask*
HNOC: "How did you..."
Boss: "Girl, this ain't my first rodeo!" *takes a pull*
HNOC: *bugs eyes a little, shakes head*
Boss: "Aaaggh, hit the spot!"
HNOC: *still shaking head* "I've never been kicked off an HOUR flight before, this should be fun..."
Boss: "Calm down, they're not kicking anybody off anything!"

- Intercom announcement informing all passengers to fasten belts -

HNOC: "Here we go!"
Boss: "God damn you God!!"
HNOC: "Fuck, really??"
Boss: *nervously* "Uuuh, no, shit, sorry... Sorry big Guy!!" *looks up to ceiling*
HNOC: "It's going to be fine!!
Boss: "Will you hold my hand??"
HNOC: "Will I what??"
Boss: "Just until we level out? Please???"
HNOC: "Oh my God! *reluctantly reaches over, takes his hand*
HNOC: "How come it's not all sweaty?"
Boss: "This is NO time for your kinks!"
HNOC: "I'm talking about your hand! It's not all sweaty! Nerves??"
Boss: "Oh, just wait until these fucking wheels come off the ground!"

The plane is now airborne and Boss grips Chick's hand like a bear trap.

HNOC: "Fuck, will you please??"
Boss: "Whaaat???"
HNOC: "You're killing my hand, Gaaaahd!!"
Boss: "Ooh, sorry, see? Told ya!"
HNOC: "Just ease up on the grip, buddy, damn!"

A thousand feet and climbing...


TO BE CONTINUED...
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#46
"The Fear: Part III"

After settling in, Boss goes to that all-important meeting and meets Chick afterwards at one
of ABQ's jumpin' spots... for wings... and beer... It's not NOT Hooters... lol

They enter and are seated.

Boss: "Wow, it's been a while! Everything looks bigger in here!"
HNOC: "Jeezus tap-dancing Christ, we've only just sat down!!"
Boss: "Nooo, it looks like they've remodeled..."
HNOC: *hinky, gives him the squint*
Boss: "Don't do that here! This ain't the office!"
HNOC: *sighs* "So, what's good here?"
Boss: *smarmy grin*
HNOC: "You KNOW I mean the food!"
Boss: "Well, what do ya feel like?"
HNOC: "Those rustic bacon-cheeseburgers look nice..."
Boss: "You gonna need a little help burning those calories off later??" *gives her the eyebrows*
HNOC: "Strike TWO!"
Boss: "Ok, OK! Jeez, you're no fun!"
HNOC: "What are you having? Besides a hard time keeping your pants on?"
Boss: "That little redhead looks good.."
HNOC: *scoots from booth* "I'm leaving..."
Boss: "NOOO, I mean what she had on her tray! The super-stuffed nacho plate & wings!"
HNOC: *scoots back in* "Hmm, I dunno, that's a lotta grease..."
Boss: "You scared of a little animal fat?"
HNOC: "Yeah! And you should be too! When's the last time you had a salad!"
Boss: "Just the other day! You saw me!"
HNOC: "Uuuh, NO, your window had a salad!"
Boss: "It comes with celery sticks!"
HNOC: *puts her hands up* "You do you, amigo!"
Boss: "Goddamn right! Nachos it is!"

After eating, they sit having drinks. Boss reveals an important detail.

Boss: "I have a confession..."
HNOC: "First of all, ask yourself: Do I really want to hear this??"
Boss: "I've already heard it, it's in MY head!?"
HNOC: *double facepalms* "Just... go!!"
Boss: "There maaay have been an ulterior motive for having you come along..."
HNOC: "Oh my God, I knew it! This was a rape-cation!!" *loudly*
Boss: "Ssshhhh, Jeezus, keep your voice down! NO!! It wasn't!!"
HNOC: "I can't even believe you!! I mean, YEAH, I totally can but Jesus Christ man!!"
Boss: "Will you at least listen??"
HNOC: *sighs heavily* "Whatever, go on..."
Boss: "I wanted us to take a little road trip."
HNOC: "We are NOT going to Mexico! You've had enough Breaking Bad already!!"
Boss: "No, dummy, not Mexico!"
HNOC: "Well where then??"
Boss: "A place I've always wanted to go but never have!" *child-like excitement*
HNOC: "Job-training program??"
Boss: "Roswell!!"
HNOC: "Roswell?? For what?"
Boss: "Alien crash site, 1947? The alien museum? Hello?"
HNOC: "Jesus man, didn't you learn anything from that Bigfoot fiasco??"
Boss: "Uh, I learned that you're a man-hater!"
HNOC: "Hey! YOU told me to kick that poor guy in the nuts!"
Boss: "That's when I thought we were dealing with a nine-foot-tall apeman!"
HNOC: "No, prick-stain, that was all on YOU!"
Boss: "It's just, my old man promised to take me when I was a kid, but then he ran off and..."
HNOC: "Oh... sorry to hear that..."
Boss: "Eeeh, fuck him. He was douche anyway."
HNOC: "We're supposed to fly back in the morning. How do we squeeze this trip in??"
Boss: "Easy! We rent a car, you drive us to Roswell, we make a day of it, stay the night, do Saturday
up like fucking Vikings and drive back Sunday - all refreshed!"
HNOC: "No, YOU'LL be all refreshed, I'll be exhausted from DRIVING!"
Boss: "Eeeh, you're young, what are you, twenty-seven? You'll bounce right back!"
HNOC: "That doesn't matter, I didn't come here to drive all over the state!"
Boss: "Really, how old are you?"
HNOC: "None of your business! Besides, a lady never tells!"
Boss: "Older than twenty-seven?"
HNOC: "Bite me!"
Boss: "Thirty?"
HNOC: "Thirty-three!"
Boss: "Fuck, no wonder granny doesn't wanna go for a drive! She'll miss her naps!!"
HNOC: "You are THE biggest pile of rancid cat crap I've EVER known!!"
Boss: "So come on, we gonna do this??"

Chick once again has a decision to make. Choose wisely, young lady! 


TO BE CONTINUED...
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#47
That Roswell adventure IS forthcoming, but until then... shall we??


"Tuesday Morning Coming Down"

Chick's goin' back in!! *Raaaaaah*

HNOC: "Did you get around to ordering that new copier??"
Boss: "You ever accidentally pee a little when you bust your girl nuts?"
HNOC: *leans onto desk with both hands* "You have NO idea... how badly I want to puke in your lap right now!"
Boss: "Evading the question can only mean one thing..."
HNOC: "Yeah, that I'm not playing along with you and your sickness... Buh Bye!" *walks to door*
Boss: "Wait!"
HNOC: "Awwww, maaaan, come on!! It's always the same with you! It's tiring, very, verrrrry tiring!"
Boss: "Oh you know you love it!"
HNOC: "NO! I don't! I really, really don't!!"
Boss: "But you keep coming back?"
HNOC: "It's because I WORK here, and for some ungodly reason, you're the boss and sometimes
the work day just seems to take a HUGE piss in my face and brings me here! It is NOT by choice!"
Boss: "Ya lost me at work here... anyway, I've got a peach of an idea!" *claps hands together*
HNOC: "Not interested!"
Boss: "Ooh, I think you WILL be!"
HNOC: "Does this involve you giving me that raise? And never mentioning my body ever again??"
Boss: "You sound like a terrorist! With your list of demands! Pfft!"
HNOC: *gives him the squint*
Boss: *squints right back*


Oooooooooooh shit y'all, we got ourselves a good ol' fashioned SQUINT-OFF!! *tense music swells*

"Who will blink first??" - Movie trailer guy's voice

HNOC: "OK, I'm not doing this, I've actually got work to do!"
Boss: "I win!! I wiiiin! Take that you funky bitch!!"
HNOC: "You know what? Me allowing you these little insignificant victories just means I can walk
away and not deal with your adolescent mind. So, again, Buh Bye!"
Boss: "But you never heard my idea!"
HNOC: "Aaand that was the point!!" *walks closer to door*
Boss: "But I Love You!?!?!?"
HNOC: *freezes in terror, turns with ghastly expression*
Boss: "Bwahhahahahahahahaha, Jeezus Chick, you're sooo easy!!"
HNOC: *mumbles to self* "Oh God, you sorry fucking bag of ball juice..."
Boss: "Seriously though, let's go bowling!!"
HNOC: *stops, back facing the moron, thinks a moment*
Boss: "Eeeeeh, you like the sound of that, don't ya Chickie Babe!"

The thought of hurling a heavy ball of resin into her boss's junk did fill Chick with a kind 
of child-like glee. But the downside... she'd have to go bowling with him. That's like two hours...
Would it be worth it? Would he be wearing his protective athletic cup again? These are the
important questions she would need to ask herself before embarking on this inevitably 
ridiculous outing. Think smart, Chickie Babe...



TO BE CONTINUED...
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#48
"Koala Jeezus knew his time was short, the end draweth nigh.
So he headed to Brazil, to summon forth his army of jungle penguins to meet
the Apocalypse."
Starring Shailene Woodley and Ben Foster... rofl
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#49
I'm totally gonna write that story though, lol.

Minus Shay & Ben, obviously.
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#50
"The End Times"


Chick!!! Don't!!! Go!!! In!!! There!!! lol

HNOC: *walks in, finds boss in arm & leg cast, head bandaged, pushing around in a wheelchair*
Boss: *looks over to Chick*
HNOC: "Aaand?"
Boss: "Just a scrape, no biggie..."
HNOC: "Are you serious?"
Boss: "Yeah, walk it right off..."
HNOC: "Oh, I don't know, looks pretty bad from here." *kicks his leg cast hard*
Boss: "Whooa, fuck, what's your deal?"
HNOC: "This is all fake, isn't it?"
Boss: "The Hell!?"
HNOC: *squints*
Boss: "What gave me away?"
HNOC: "Besides it being You?? Uh, you're using both arms to push the wheelchair."
Boss: "So?"
HNOC: "One of them is in a CAST!" *sighs*
Boss: "Yeah?"
HNOC: "Oh sweet dying Jeezus..."
Boss: "I have a new thing going!"
HNOC: "Well that's a relief! Here I thought you were just dickin' around in here... as usual."
Boss: "Check this out!" *wheels himself towards his desk*
HNOC: *watches the pathetic show of ignorance*
Boss: "Hey, could ya?" *motions for Chick to push him*
HNOC: "RETARD! You're not injured!!"
Boss: "But I could be! Where's the compassion??"
HNOC: *walks towards door*
Boss: "NO! Wait! You haven't seen it yet!!"
HNOC: "Uurrggh, it never ends with you..."
Boss: "Get a load of this!!" *pulls up website*
HNOC: "What's this crap?"
Boss: "This crap, as you call it, is my contribution to the world!"
HNOC: *reads site heading* "Boss's Bunker Busting Booty... ??"
Boss: *shakes head yes, wide grin, proud as FUCK* [lol]
HNOC: "So, finally bottomed out and went into the porn biz, eh?"
Boss: "Porn? Psssss, bish please! This is survival gear!"
HNOC: "Surwhatal what?"
Boss: "Dehydrated food, water, supplies! Ya know, for the Apocalypse!"
HNOC: "Ooooh, so you're a doomtard?"
Boss: "Hey! Ms. High & Mighty, watch your words, it's COMING! You just wait!"
HNOC: *scrolls down page* "So, Prepper porn... "
Boss: "I'm providing a service. To people who have vision, foresight."
HNOC: "According to these prices, you're raping the desperate for a disgusting level of financial gain.."
Boss: "Outsmarting the end of the world don't come cheap, missy!"
HNOC: "Or with a conscience."
Boss: "Am I supposed to just give this stuff away, for free?"
HNOC: "No, but maybe you could leave it to reputable companies that know what they're doing.."
Boss: "You have NO faith in me!"
HNOC: "Not a drop!"
Boss: "See?"
HNOC: "When did I ever act like I did??"
Boss: "The Squatchin thing?"
HNOC: "Oh, that! I was just trying to get away from Rudy. Eye-rape is real, yo!"
Boss: "So it wasn't so we could have an adventure and ka-ching?"
HNOC: "No sweetie, by some fucked up kind of miracle, you just happened to be the lesser of two evils that day."
Boss: "Shit..."
HNOC: "Yeah..."
Boss: "What the fuck am I gonna do with five-hundred pounds of dehydrated food rations?"
HNOC: "I guess make room in that garage, right next to all those boxes of Pimp Jesus t-shirts...."
Boss: *sighs*

Chick leaves his office for once, without wanting to kill him. Well, not really wanting to. Maybe a little... lol
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#51
SPOILER ALERT - Kinda, not really? lol

OK, so anyone with eyes can see that eventually, Chick and Boss are gonna kiss.
It'll be mutual, unexpected to both and probably somewhat awkward, but it's
gonna happen. It has to! 

Now, will they actually go as far as doing the deed? I don't think so. At least not
at this point. But they're totally gonna mouth-bone. FOR! SHORE!

And I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that...  Weee
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#52
"The Fear: Part IV"

ROOOAAAD TRRRIIIIIIIIIPPP!!

Chick and Boss have just picked up their rental car and stop at a convenience store.

[IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm now changing the dialogue title from HNOC to Chick, for reasons, but she's still HNOC]


Boss: *hops out of car*
Chick: "Hurry up!"
Boss: "OK, MOM!!"
Chick: "Weasel..."

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

Boss: *carries box to trunk* "Open up, will ya??"
Chick: "What the Hell is all that?"
Boss: "Refreshments!"
Chick: *looks in box* "Oh God, really? A whole case of Mad Dog??"
Boss: "Well you don't have to drink it!"
Chick: "Damn straight I don't! It's swill!! Gaaah, why do you buy this crap?"
Boss: "Cuz..."
Chick: *waits for it*
Boss: "I'm gangsta!"

Chick lays down in parking lot and proceeds to roll around, laughing hysterically.

TWO MINUTES AND FORTY-SEVEN SECONDS LATER...

Chick: *picks herself up from the ground, weak from the lulz*
Boss: "Are you quite done?"
Chick: "Jeezus H. Christ man, that alone was worth the price of admission!!"
Boss: *gives her the old squint*
Chick: "Come on, puddle-nuts, let's get you to your alien play day!"
Boss: "Woohoo!! Roswell here we come!!" *loud, excited*

They are enjoying the beautiful desert scenery along the highway drive, when Boss begins to really
feel that first empty bottle.

Boss: "Dude, bladder-time!"
Chick: "Are you serious? Already? What are you an 80 year old woman?
Boss: "I guess I could just go in here, after all, it IS a rental..." *seriously considering*
Chick: "NOOO! Don't you DARE!! I'll pull over up here..."
Boss: *fidgets in his seat*
Chick: *pulls off onto tiny dirt side road*
Boss: "Whew! Thank you!!" *bails out quickly*
Chick: "Just don't stand in front..."
Boss: *stands right in front of the car to piss*
Chick: *turns head away* "Gaawwd, you are so disgusting!"
Boss: *shrugs while urinating*
Chick: *fumbles through the radio dial*
Boss: *jumps back in car* "Miss me??"
Chick: "Choke on it!"
Boss: "Present it..."
Chick: "You never cease to disgust..."
Boss: "Come on bitch daylight's burnin!!"
Chick: *glares, the addresses* "That'll be about enough of THAT!"
Boss: "Let's stick it to Roswell, baaabiiieeee!!" *pelvic thrusts the air*
Chick: "Seriously! You WILL ride in the trunk!!"
Boss: "OK, sorrrry MOM!!"

They return to the highway. 

Chick: "Whooole lotta nothin' out here, eh?" *long stretch of US-285 just north of Roswell*
Boss: "Man, you could ditch a shitload of bodies out here! Uh, hypothetically..." *weird look on face*
Chick: "Oh, I was thinking the same thing..." *looks over at boss, creepy smile*
Boss: *very uneasy grin, nervous*
Chick: "So, your bladder good or do we need to hit this rest stop?"
Boss: *reads sign* "Mesa Rest Area... yeah, let's do it!"
Chick: *pulls into parking lot*

They both exit the vehicle to make their way to the restrooms.

Boss: "Where you goin?"
Chick: "To pick flowers, where the fuck do you think??"
Boss: "Ooooh, you gonna go squeeze some of that sweet lemonade for ol' Bossy?"
Chick: "This where you want me to leave ya??" Cuz I will, I sooo will..."
Boss: "Hurry up, we can't both be gone for long!"

They both go answer the call.

Boss: *returns first* "Oh my fucking..."

Boss seems to have spotted his ex-wife, at the rest area. And she's not alone.

Chick: *walks up* "We ready?"
Boss: "Oh God, she saw us, she saw us!!!"
Chick: "Who saw what? The Hell you talkin' about?"
Boss: "Just play it cool, OK? Don't say anything, I got this!"
Chick: *stands silently watching*

Two women approach. One of them is Boss's ex. The other, a friend??

Ex-wife: "Heeey, I thought that was you! What're you doin' way out here?"
Boss: "Ooooh, hey Dana! Crazy seeing you out here! How are you??"
Ex-wife: "Oh I'm fine! Cathy, this is my ex!"
Cathy: "Hey! Nice to meet you!"
Boss: "Yeah, likewise! So where are y'all comin' from?"
Ex-wife: "Roswell! We went down to see the museum and spend the day, ended up spending the night too!"

Both women giggle as Boss tries to find a nervous laugh. Chick's just hangin in there! 

Ex-wife: "So, are you going to introduce us to your friend?" 
Boss: *lost in thought* "OOOH, God, yes! Sorry, yeah, uh Dana, this is Veronica. From the office."
Ex-wife: *reaches over to friend-hug Chick* "Hey, Ron, nice to meet you!"
Chick: "Nice to meet you!!" *clueless to what is going on now*
Boss: "Yeah, had a business thing in ABQ, thought, why not whiz down here to see the museum too!"
Ex-wife: "Oooh, you're going to the Alien museum? Awesome! It's such a cool place, nothing's changed!"
Chick: *to boss* "You've been there before?"
Boss: "Uh, yeeeah, it was a long time ago..." *fucked* [lol]
Ex-wife: "Well, we'll let y'all get back to it. SO nice to meet you Ron, nice to see you too!"
Boss: "Yeah, y'all be safe and have a nice ride home!"

Chick and Boss get into their car. Chick has a LOT of questions!

Chick: "Wow... what the Hell was all THAT??"
Boss: "That, Chickie Babe, was a fucking dream come true!" *obvious sarcasm*
Chick: "And why did you call me Veronica?"
Boss: "I dunno, fuck, it was the first name that came to mind!"
Chick: "So your ex-wife lives in Albuquerque now?"
Boss: "Yeah, after the divorce. She moved there to stay with her mother until things got going."
Chick: "Well it looks like things are going... sorry, I shouldn't have..."
Boss: "What do you mean?"
Chick: *tries to play it off* "Oh, nothing! Nothing, really!"
Boss: "No, tell me?"
Chick: "It's just... her, and her friend... ya knooow?"
Boss: "No, I don't knoooow my God, you mean??"
Chick: "Girlfriend? Yeeeaaah..."
Boss: "Awww Jeezus, she switched teams??"
Chick: "Looks like... orrr she's just having a try-before-she-buys?"
Boss: "Oh God, and you think I'm a pig!"
Chick: "No, it's true. Really."
Boss: "Oh how would you know??"
Chick: "Because I'm a woman. And I know that look."
Boss: "What look??"
Chick: "THAT look! The look Dana gave Cathy."
Boss: "Meaning??"
Chick: "They're fucking."
Boss: "Oooh God no!!"
Chick: "They are FUUUUH-KIIINNNG!! No doubt!"
Boss: "Goddamnit... this was all I needed..."

Chick starts to put it all together...

Chick: "Wait, this was really why you wanted me to come along, isn't it?"
Boss: *sighs*
Chick: "In case you bumped into her. You didn't want to be alone."
Boss: *silent*
Chick: "And you wanted to go to the museum because y'all used to go there together, didn't you?"
Boss: *leans forward in seat, face in hands*
Chick: "You know, that's really kinda sweet, in a twisted sort of You way."
Boss: "Let's just turn around, go back."
Chick: "No way! We're nearly there! Don't you wanna get beamed up by Scotty??"
Boss: *still leaning forward in shame* "Nah, let's just go!"
Chick: *starts car* "Well, I'm gonna go see them aliens! You can sulk in the car if ya like!"
Boss: *holds up, tearful* "Did I drive her to the other side??"
Chick: *long deep sigh* "It's not always that simple. People are layered, and troubled."
Boss: *sighs* "Troubled?"
Chick: "Sometimes people don't live as authentically as they'd like to, for fear of being ostracized."
Boss: "Fuck that. Living a lie ain't living at all."
Chick: "You know what, I fully agree with you on that!"


Chick and Boss hit the highway to go see them aliens!!!!


TO BE CONTINUED...
Reply
#53
A little "behind the scenes" action here.

Originally, I was going to have Boss really wanting some Whataburger and him cook up a dumtarded
scheme to get Chick to take a road trip with him to Roswell FOR some. At the time, I didn't know Arizona 
was blessed with any Whataburgers. Not only that, but the location of the story [Scottsdale, AZ] has one! 
Damn the luck! But onward with due diligence...

So, that's when I had to devise another approach. And since ABQ also has a location, I needed
to figure out a reason for this road trip scenario. Then it hit me, Roswell alien museum! This one didn't
happen in the shower, lol, I was laying on the bed watching YouTube. 

It needed to be that there was a bigger reason for Boss to go from Scottsdale to Roswell.
Chick would've told him to go jump in the lake if he'd asked her to drive him all that way
just for some fast food! And I don't blame her! But this IS Boss we're talking about here...

; )
Reply
#54
I knew the alien museum was there and all that, but this particular C & B story was
really supposed to be about Whataburger but I had to make the focus about the museum.

I do try to keep a little reality intact in these stories.
Reply
#55
"The Fear: The Finale"


Will Walt evade Hanks iron fist of justice? Will Jesse make it out of this alive? Tune in to...
Goddamnit, now he's got ME doing it!! lol


Chick pulls into Roswell and Boss is ten years old again. Even more so than usual. Hard to imagine, I know.

Chick: "Jeezus Christ man..."
Boss: "I KNOOOW!! Isn't it glorious??"
Chick: "Dude, these people have totally drunk the cosmic Kool-Aid!"
Boss: "Listen up, pink-slice, your words have NO power over me now!"
Chick: "Did you get this thing with full-coverage?"
Boss: "Damn yeah, why?"
Chick: "Oh, just in case I pull out in front of a semi, on YOUR SIDE, nice to know we're covered!"
Boss: "Your little digs mean NOTHIIIINNNG! I'm home!! With my people!!"
Chick: "Quite the Homecoming they've thrown for ya, place looks dead!"
Boss: "That just means we get to park closer."
Chick: "Over here fine?"
Boss: "Do it!!"

Chick pulls into a spot at the end of the main strip. They get out and walk back down the street 
to the museum.

Boss: "You're gonna love this place! It's the crown jewel of The Land of Enchantment!"
Chick: "Wow, five bucks to get in! And look, you get in for two!!"
Boss: "This parade is rain-proof!"

They go inside, pay the fee and get to gawkin!! Boss is in another world right now!
Chick thinks this might just smooth over the run in with Dana. She hopes, anyway.

Boss: "Dude, check this out!!" *goes up to pin home locale on huge map*
Chick: "Uh, why did you pin San Antonio, Texas?"
Boss: "Duh, that's my hometown? Nerdburger!"
Chick: "Oh, riiight, I never knew that. I just assumed you were from Scottsdale."
Boss: "Beesh please..." *makes a face*
Chick: "Pssss... "
Boss: "Oh, check these guys out!!"

Boss runs over to a small group of tall, silver alien statues. He's pretty excited to be there!
You'd think it was his first time ever...

Boss: "I LOVE these guys!"
Chick: "Well, why don't you marry them??"
Boss: "I did that one time, back in '04... almost got arrested! Totally not worth it!"
Chick: *bugs eyes, lets it go*
Boss: "Hey come read this over here with me!!"
Chick: *walks over to some information posted on the wall*
Boss: "It's just nuts! Beings from 'out there' came HERE! They were here!!"
Chick: "So the story goes..."
Boss: "You don't believe?"
Chick: "Well, it is kinda far-fetched, you gotta admit..."
Boss: "Yeah, but so was electricity until Edison lit that shit up and fucked EVERYBODY in the mouth!"
Chick: "Uh, he STOLE that technology, thank you..."
Boss: "What do you mean?"
Chick: "So I heard, nevermind, let's see more aliens!!"
Boss: "YEEEAAAH!!!"

They proceed to take it ALL in. Boss is in seventh heaven. Chick, just being along for the ride, isn't
as invested as her counterpart, but she's still enjoying it for what it is. In fact, she kinda likes it.

After the museum, they dash to the local Whataburger to eat. Upon leaving the restaurant, it was
starting to get dark, around twilight.

Boss: "I think this day turned out alright. Don't you?"
Chick: "I admit it, it was nice! I had a good time!"
Boss: *runs out in front of Chick to open her door for her*
Chick: "Awww, thank you."

She brushes close to Boss as she tries to get in the car. She stops. Their eyes catch.
And now, a slightly uncomfortable moment: Mere inches apart, eye-to-eye, dimming light
and no one around. Could they do it? Would he dare? This wasn't where things were supposed
to go?!?! Then, in a flash! They kiss! And kiss... Jeez guys, come up for air why don't ya?? lol

Then, they break...

Boss: "Holy Jesus Batman God!"
Chick: *hard, deep, loud sigh* "Oh shit-oh shit-oh shit!!"
Boss: "Wow..."
Chick: "What just happened??? *freaked out*
Boss: "I don't know, I mean, I do, but..."
Chick: "Oh my God, OH My GOD! Did we just...???"
Boss: "Make long, slow, sweet mouth-love?? I think we did!" *kinda freaked out too*

They both stand there in that parking lot, trying to make sense of it all. Could they?
Did it really even matter now? Hmmm....

Chick: "Uuuuhh, I think we should..."
Boss: "Do it again??"
Chick: "NO!! No, we need... we need to go! Yeah, we need to get going!!" *quickly gets in car*
Boss: "Yeah, that sounds good! Sounds great!! Let's just, let's do THAT!!!" *runs around to his side, gets in*


[View of back of car in parking lot]

Chick: "We shall never speak of this...EVER!"
Boss: "Roger that!"

Chick starts the car, burns out of the parking lot and away they drive.


THE END... ?? lol
Reply
#56
Behind the scenes of my "research" ... lol

So, to refresh my memory on the museum [never been, only seen YT vids about it]
I typed in 'roswell alien museum' in YT, first video up , clicked! It was this one:



The chick is suuuper cute! Always glasses, man, chicks in glasses... one of my kryptonites!
Not too hip on the whole AirBnb thing. Seems sketchy as ALL fuck! No thanks, I'll take a cheapy
motel anyday! But they seem like nice kids. Hope they had fun!
Reply
#57
Dude lmao!!!

I just got an idea for a funny skit.

I'm sure it's been done before...

FORTUNE COOKIES.

BAHAHAHA, you know that LOOK after you read a super weird fortune...

ROFL.

Like you think to yourself "The FUCK does that mean?!" cuz it's either like just super weird or unexpectedly deep and shit?! Roflmaolllllololol!!!
Reply
#58
Sunglasses 
I'm that motherfucker who buys fortune cookies at the grocery store...

Banana
Reply
#59
Do you mean for Chick & Boss or just in general, with any characters?
Reply
#60
With any characters...

I would have made a thread for that individual thought, but...

Meh I dunno.

It was a very one-off type of thing and I almost never think of stuff like that.

If I made a "skits" thread I'd probably never reply to it again because it's too rare for me.
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