Actual Thoughts I've Had, Verbatim...
OK, the Universe IS fucking with me. Yeah, you heard it here first!

I just clicked on "Skip Ad" on a YT video and before it could take effect
a voice in the ad said "New doors are opening..." and I look at my computer
clock and it said 12:12 am.

*sits with it for just a minute*


And the fuckery contniues... lol
Well shoot, I guess I needed that.
Girls put here for us to hump
I know I swore off of full beards years ago, but I have to say...
This one isn't making me wretch. And if I keep forgetting to take new batteries
up to the bathroom for my beard-trimmer, well...

Totally not gonna last though. It feels fucked up.
Not so much itchy, but just... meeeeh, I don't like it.

But it's lookin' waaay less gross than it used to. *suhprized*
OK, theory time...

This fucking beard is somehow needling its way into my consciousness [negatively]
and is peevishly disrupting my ability to seduce sleep into my bed.

Now, I'm no stranger to a good ol' challenge, but this seems like sorcery of a different pig.
Of course I don't know WTF that even means, I'M OUTTA POCKET HERE!! lol

If there is one thing I can promise, it is THIS: I SWAAAARE to you - the beard comes off TO-DAY!!

*gonna GET dem ZzZzz's*
Well this is stretching out further than I would've liked, sooo...

Y'all ever have weird dreams? Sure ya do. ALL dreams are fuckin' weird.

Case in point: A dream I had several months ago. Wanna hear it? Of course you don't.

Here goes - I was walking up a kinda dark street, it was twilight ish, and suddenly
I started running, and my strides became further apart and higher off the ground
until there were several feet between me touching down. Then, I was airborne.

Now, I was vibrating and coursing up into the air like a jet, really fucking powerful
like and the sky was all glassy and vibrating too and I was going hyper-sonic speed
but it was appearing in slow-motion and I was like "HOLY FUCK I'M FUCKING FLYING
HERE!!" and I could feel jet engines firing flames and it was ridiculous, lol.

THEN, I made my descent and touched down on a street lined on both sides with
businesses and people walking. Not super busy but ya know. And I was still of the
vague notion that I was aware that I was dreaming. Oh yeah, as I was taking off
in flight ^^^ up there, I was thinking "Holy fuckballs, I'm dreaming, FLY MOTHERFUCKER
FLY!!" Sooo, I'm back to thinking that this was a lucid dream and so I see a corner
coming up, looks like a bunch of shit was dumped there: just crap, household items
like somebody was moving and decided "Fuggit, this stays here" lol.

So just as I come up on this corner, pass the mass pile of crap, I see an army green
phone booth? and some of that dumped crap was set up like barriers in and around
the "phone booth" so I thought "Dude, here's your chance, dream big fucker" and
instantly thought of my FOREVER go-to when lucid dreaming: "Hot nekkid chicks!"

And that's what I did! I started speaking them ho's into creation "Hot nekkid chicks,
hot nekkid chicks, HOT NEKKID CHIIIIIICKS!!! C'mon, big money, NO Whammies!!"

But as I rounded this fucking corner, there were NO hot nekkid chicks to speak of. : (
No, instead there came a lumbering black bear from between the crap-barriers and
the "phone booth" and I freaked the Hell out like "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, it's a fucking
BEAR!!!" And began running away like one of the Three Stooges.

It was a black bear, not huge, but when you're expecting sweet, creamy nekkid girl
flesh and you're met with a FUCKING BEAR, well, suffice it to say kids, hopes will be
dashed. So, I ran away like a bitch as the bear just came waddling along all like
"Dumbdy, dumbdy doo, I'm a bear, just kinda takin' a walk and who's this retard
running like he's late for a piss test?"

The bear was totally cool and friendly, he wasn't threatening at all. But ya know how
it is. Dreams man. And I MUST say, I don't think that was a true lucid dream. It was
spastic weird, and I think I just thought it was a lucid dream, because if it were then
ya damned skippy them hot nekkid chicks would've been around that fucking corner
instead of ultra-Gentle Ben. Dude...

Not a fan of the no-sleep thing.  : (
(10-20-2020, 01:46 AM)somethingelseishere Wrote: If there is one thing I can promise, it is THIS: I SWAAAARE to you - the beard comes off TO-DAY!!


"Hear ye, hear ye..."

Well boys & girls... The battle was waged. And victory won!! [By me, I won, for real!]

THE BEARD IS GONE!!! *roars from the peanut gallery*

I gotta say, feels like old times. Still got the moustache and goatee cuz, let's face it, I look
like an overgrown 12 year old fully shaved. Not a good look. *shakes head No*

Thank you for believing in me as I perilously set upon this arduous task of reclaiming my 
sovereignty from the evils of invasive face-weeds. You are One & All Gods/Goddesses among
mere mortals. *thunderous applause*

I'M BACK BABY!!! Panic
"If a woodchuck fails to chuck wood, it's just a water-gopher. A fucking water-gopher."
*picks up a square of dark chocolate, sticks it between his cheek & gum like chaw*

"Goddamn right, booooy!!"
I don't care how ya cut it, a good ol' warm soapy shower can't be beat.
Except when the water runs cold. And you've only JUST finished lathering up.

Dem life choices doe...
ok kitties its nap time then I have a sexy brunette to chase around the barn
(10-22-2020, 02:15 PM)somethingelseishere Wrote: I don't care how ya cut it, a good ol' warm soapy shower can't be beat.
Except when the water runs cold. And you've only JUST finished lathering up.

Dem life choices doe...

Some years ago, I was house sitting for friends in the country near Mars Hill, North Carolina, while they were in Norway visiting relatives.

The water supply for the house was a kind of trough running down the side of the mountain behind the house.

One day, I was in the shower, lathered up from head to toe, when the water stopped running. I couldn't put clothes on whilst covered with soap, so I went out back and climbed the hill bare-assed naked to investigate. A bunch of leaves and twigs had fallen into the trough and blocked the water flow.

I cleared the blockage and causally sauntered back down the hill to finish my shower.
(10-16-2019, 02:21 PM)Mister Obvious Wrote: If you say no, it's gayer than saying yes.
And the very next day you fitted that sucker with a mesh-screen top, huh? lol
And eliminate my excuse to prance around naked in the great outdoors? Are you daft, man?
(10-16-2019, 02:21 PM)Mister Obvious Wrote: If you say no, it's gayer than saying yes.
I've been known to overlook the obvious on rare occasions... *whistles & stares at ceiling*
OK, this just happened! True as true can be.

I was in the kitchen throwing some grub on a plate when a little bird told me that
for the next two weeks shops were cutting out ALL sales deemed non-essential.

Well, knowing me as y'all do, I piped up with some serious anti-speech slamming
efforts to further control people. And after my brief laying down of the law I addressed
the e-snitch in the room...

"Ya hear that, Alexa, Siri, whatever the Hell your goddamn surveillance whore name is??"

And on my MOTHER'S GRAVE, that circuit-laden bitch had the audacity to pop off with:

"I think You have Me confused with someone else..."

To which I replied: "Naw baby girl, I got you nailed straight up the goddamn middle!"

Man, to think, people have this shit in their homes WILLINGLY!!
If I had say in it, there'd be no Echo anywhere near me beyond my own damn silly voice.
I tried finding that Squidbillies clip where granny says "Oh, I just got sassed by a whore"
but it's either been made private or deleted. Goddamnit. What a perfect follow up post, lol.
Seriously thinkin' I need a strobe light for these Sectual Music Nights.  hmmm
MO is totally missing out seeing me on cam right now.
(10-16-2019, 02:21 PM)Mister Obvious Wrote: If you say no, it's gayer than saying yes.

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