Actual Thoughts I've Had, Verbatim...

[FungLols]

He doesn't wear sandle socks like me and I have a shaved head

[FungLols]

Does anyone want to toss our salad???

Negative I have detailed files.

[FungLols]

She thinks I wear sandle socks, I just tell her I do to make her not kill people.

[user328]

WOOD!!!

Okay, it's bamboo, not wood. But close enough.

I would feel confident about my chance of surviving in the wilderness with this chick. She has her priorities straight. She butchered a wild hog and built a fire pit to roast it over before she got started on the bamboo cabin. Most off grid vloggers wait till they've worked hard all day and get hungry as fuck before they think about cooking.

[FungHeadbuttsWall]

Thats fake ffs

[user328]

A girl who can plan and execute a homestead construction project is the kind you want to marry, guys.

[user328]

If you think a girl would be a liability rather than an asset in a survival situation, that should be a red flag to you.

[user328]

I mean playing Captain Save-a-Ho to a damsel in distress looks romantic on TV, but that bitch will get you seriously killed in real life.

[user328]

If your girl has a track record of letting you down when you need her the most, you should be thinking about ditching her and finding one with a solid core.

[user328]

I'm not saying you should get a zen master like me. I'd be pretty useless if TSHTF, not gonna lie. Girly girls are generally useless outside of a highly structured and civilized environment.

[user328]

We're only good for one thing, really.

[user328]

Observe a woman's habits. If she sees a job that needs doing and jumps right in there and gets it done, that makes her a person of interest.

[user328]

I say these things as I sit around in my gauze hospital panties sipping coffee and tooting a spliff. I'm not going outside today. I'm a house proud town mouse. The zen master is complete, requiring nothing she doesn't already have.

[user328]

Here's how you can tell a real zen master from a fake one.

A fake one will charge you $30,000 a year to "give you spiritual energy," and warn you that you'll be assailed by negative entities if you leave.

A sincere and humble zen master like me will give you all she has for free.

[user328]

Anyway, I'm not trying to sell you on zen masters. As I said, you need a sturdy chick like Jungle Girl in the video above.

[user328]

Her little dog and pet monkey are so cute together. The monkey picks fleas off the dog while he's lying down.

[user328]

Homegurl roasted a hog, built a cabin, bathed in the stream, took a nap, then hopped up and did calisthenics on the front porch before getting right back to work. Frankly, I don't see what's left to build. Maybe a dam and water wheel to run some kind of contraption.

[user328]

Oooooh. She's building steps for the porch so she won't have to hop up and down. Not that a badass chick like that needs steps. lol

[user328]

I guess it'll be easier for the little dog to get up and down though.

[user328]

I wonder if a cut piece of bamboo will sprout new leaves when you stick it in the ground, the way cane does around here.