It's time to watch Columbo...

Columbo is one of those shows I have a sordid history of masturbating to. Peter Falk has always been a huge crush, see my thread about it here:

I see that the official Columbo YouTube channel has a handful of full episodes on it. That's cool. But there are other channels which have uploaded full length episodes, and I'll be starting off with those. Firstly I'd like to remark on the number of views these episodes have... anywhere from 70K to 100K+ views on videos barely over a month old, pretty amazing. Apparently the internet has good taste.

Note that these videos not on the official Columbo channel will undoubtedly be removed within weeks or months, and I'm aware of that. Nevertheless, the timestamps will still be close enough regardless of episode source.

We'll start with this one...

Season 6 - Episode 2 - "Old Fashioned Murder"

Gorgeous opening music. 

0:30 whoa, this lady needs to get LAIIIID.

1:30 damn this chick is like all up in this lady's face, LMAO, I'd be like, "Whoa, back off there, sugar tits, lil too close. Lil too close."

2:27 bitch I almost cried, I ain't even gonna lie. That one got me right in the feels.

2:55 "CUZ I'M A VICIOUS MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!" Roflmaolololol.

4:12 damn straight, I'm with this lady!!!

4:36 who the fuck uses "kill" when referencing dealing with a situation like this? If this lady is a murderer, then the tendency obviously runs in the family because this brother dude is crazy. That is her brother right? Fuck it, I'm not rewinding to see. They're related so whatever.

8:07 TBH I think they should have sex instead.

8:37 LOL you know what's really fucked up about this is that this lady just ASSUMES this fucking guy is THE SCUM OF THE EARTH, like she's hardly ever even TALKED TO HIM and this is probably the most she's ever said to him, LMAO. She's just being hardcore judgemental of him and ASSUMING he's gonna go along with this totally criminal, cockamamie scheme. ROFLROFL!

9:42 I meeean, hold the phone. That's some next level shit right there. Running away is one thing, but faking death? LOL! And for only $100K? Like even back then that wasn't enough money. And this guy has family and everything. It's so hilarious to me that this is supposed to be a believable scenario. Like this guy has NOOO life and doesn't even need time to think about it or anything, LOL. I mean WTF? And he's supposed to be down with this just cuz there are a couple of dudes after him? Meh, I dunno, just saying.

12:00 LOLOL I dig this old battleaxe.

13:17 yeeeesh, I've got a bad feeling about this!!!

15:30 dude OMG WTF is this lady's plan???

You know what the great part about all this is? I've seen every episode of Columbo like twice and I still don't remember this shit!!!


16:20 there's not gonna be any fuckin' powder on their fingers or gloves or whatever. This lady reads too much fiction, facepalm.

17:25 as if they can't trace calls and find out he didn't call from there anyways, WTF, doesn't this lady even read the news?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

17:39 she turns the light off. I feel like that is a huge mistake on her part, huge. Columbo is gonna ask why the guy didn't flip the light on. 

17:50 there's only one shot on the recording. I meeean. There are sooo many fucking problems with this... this is such a messy attempt here, it's gotta be one of the messiest in all of the series.

19:15 I wonder why they wrote allergies into this episode??

20:04 I agree with Columbo about that, benadryl does the same thing to me, I hate taking it and almost never do!!! Plus I almost OD'd on it once by accident, shit was scary, NGL!!!

22:46 this lady's got a nice hair color.

24:16 LOL Columbo has the reflexes of a turtle, he didn't even catch her!?

26:38 I told youuuuuuuuu.

28:08 they fired AT THE SAME TIME!?!?!?!?! COME ONNNNN!!!!!!!!!

52:52 WTF is that on the desk, is that a white giraffe?

54:10 whoa whoa whoa, what're they getting at?! Is that HER daughter?!?!?!?

They did such a great job with this story/episode.

1:06:40 ahhh, the chainsmokin' '70s!!! <3

1:08:28 LMFAO this bitch is crazy!!!

1:08:44 ROFLMAOLOL that maid chick is totally me 100%, sooo startled thouuughhh!!!!!!!!

1:14:20 LOL... what a great episode.
Season 7 - Episode 2 - "Murder Under Glass"

This episode is from 1978, one of the greatest years ever, don't argue with me.

Shera Danese, Peter Falk's wife, was in this episode.

Apparently she was in 6 total episodes.

She was 22 years younger than him!!! She married him at 28.

Lucky bitch ;)

I can't watch this episode though because I do not enjoy these characters and I remember it too well.
Season 7 - Episode 3 - "Make Me A Perfect Murder"

It's a rare episode which begins with Columbo, we typically have to wait to see him.

This episode has 130K views and it was uploaded December 6... one month ago. I find that pretty interesting.

2:00 it would suck to have to collaborate with people to make a movie and try to explain your artistic vision to them.

2:35 awwwkwaaarrrd. That guy kinda looks like Bruce Willis though!

3:38 that bouffant hair thouuughhh!!!!!!!

4:56 LOL, gross, this guy is goofy!!! I'd rather him sneak 'em in my vagina!!!

6:12 kill that motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!

7:17 this guy is an idiot though for real, like you can't have that conversation with a chick and not expect her to get all mad and wanna leave immediately.

He should have let her find the keys BEFORE he said anything about getting the job. Duh. What a moron.

8:40 TBH I'd probably just take it and be like cool, bye. I mean the guy isn't even hot. She could land a better dude and do the same thing with him... I mean who doesn't want a little strange?

9:00 I mean there's no actual reason to kill this dude, what he did sucks but it's not THAT bad. You'd have to have a serious screw loose to just let more and more time pass and kill the fricken guy. Like WTF.

9:25 see I like this episode because we get to see Columbo practically naked, I mean holy crap. I can't even remember any other time this happens actually. Damn lucky night eh?!

He looks good as fuck, he's fabulously hairy.

10:53 dude OMG that's the same robe that other lady was wearing at 21:00 in Season 6 - Episode 2 - "Old Fashioned Murder"!?!?! The other chick wore it better!!!

11:00 ah darn, I'm starting to remember this one a little bit.

12:30 LOL this lady is such a catty bitch.

14:52 STARRING JEAN RENO AND NATALIE PORTMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

17:28 damn this lady is hardcore, she's just like SURE. Totally sure she wants to kill this dude for basically like no reason at all, LMAO. And she's planned it out METICULOUSLY. Holy frack.

20:00 this lady has some fucking balls man.

20:30 honestly this is fucking grating as fuck.

LMFAO. OMG. I'm freaking outttttt.

22:15 I'm with this guy, what's with all the gratuitous violence?!

25:52 awkwaaarrrrd.

36:36 why are these emblems all over the walls? Isn't that a little redundant? LOL.


51:05 BACK OFF BITCH, HE'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:04:48 TBH I think she should have killed this chick instead.

1:19:30 I find this scene mildly hilarious and I cannot lie.

1:20:45 that car's way cooler anyway, it's fuckin' orange dude.

1:23:40 this is a perfect exemplification of why women shouldn't be in authority positions within major companies and the guy she killed was totally right.

1:24:28 whoa bro, no need to deep throat that cigar.
Love Colombo!
Season 10 - Episode 3 - "Murder of a Rockstar"

God, the '90s were awful. LMFAO.

OMG are these skeezy dudes really watching these two through a vent??

LOL. "Do they always get this carried away?" ROFLMAOOO.

"Didn't you when you were that age?" LMFAO NO.

3:35 this chick is a total cunt, I totally hope he kills her.

7:30 wow this sand raker guy must be bored as fuck!!!

I gotta be honest this episode isn't ringing any bells so far. Perhaps I'll recognize it later.

14:40 OMG is this about to go horribly wrong?

16:20 what the fuck, it didn't even show him killing her!? WTF happened?!

17:00 man this is a lot of trouble to go to for a couple of morons.

19:20 oooohhhh, I get it!!!!!!!!!

Damn this is a juicy episode. ROFL I love the way Columbo's car never changes, it's just the same damn car.

22:45 ah yeah I am starting to remember this one. This is actually one of the newer episodes and I watched this one for the first time probably 5-6 years ago.

25:20 damn, were boomboxes really HUNDREDS of dollars back in the NINETIES?! That's fucking insane. I'm telling you, technology = aliens. Prove me wrong.

28:40 LMFAOLOL this guy is great.

30:20 I'd let Columbo take my seat and I'd sit on his lap.

35:25 LOL this guy is going hard. I dig him!

37:00 whoa, what the fuck lady?!?!?!? Gonna have to straight up murder that bitch too!!!!!

42:00 ROFL Columbo orders from restaurants like I do!!! Fucking love this show so much, so in love with Peter Falk.

58:00 okay, this mermaid chick has the best fucking job in the world. Bottom line. End of story. Need a little more directional diversity on that aerial rig though.

This was a pretty brilliant episode, it was very enjoyable.
For the discriminating Webmistress...
(01-07-2019, 05:18 AM)MO Wrote: 3:35 this chick is a total cunt, I totally hope he kills her.

Bahhahahahaha!!  Haha

Season 10 - Episode 2 - "Caution: Murder Can Be Hazardous to Your Health"

Oooooh, this episode intro has me turnt! These two are smokin' hot, especially that guy!

She's a terrible actress though, maybe it's intentional. Dunno what's the deal with this episode yet.

2:00 aha, I knew it was being filmed!

I don't remember this one right off the bat, which is hella exciting. I know I've seen it, but probably only once.

This old dude Peter Haskell is super hot. I mean SUPER hot. Look at his perfect gray/white hair.

7:00 this lesser handsome cigarette nazi is gonna kill this fineass old dude, isn't he?

8:15 God dang, where do I find a FINEASS OLD DUDE LIKE THIS?!?!?

10:10 HE EVEN HAS A COMPUTER. I've got something you can polish, baby!!!

God bless that fineass man. I know he's dead and all but this kinda attraction transcends time and space.


14:30 this incredibly LESSER BEING really IS going to poison the cigarettes?! I can't fucking believe it!!!


18:00 LMFAO who labels a blank tape "BLANK TAPE"... ROFLMFAOLOLOL.

26:40 did that fucking moron legitimately leave the poisoned cigarette in the ashtray???

47:30 he's totally got this guy. Columbo is so sly.

1:06:45 LMAO Grace Kelly on a postage stamp... that was so random.

1:09:10 LOLOL. This scene is fucking hilarious.

1:13:00 hot damn, is the policemans' ball a real thing?!?!? Sounds like the perfect place to meet some hotass police officers, fuuuck yeah!!!

1:24:00 wow, got 'em. I pretty much didn't remember any of this episode! Feels like the first time!

1:26:00 oh wow, this is a damn good episode OMG!
Season 7 - Episode 1 - "Try And Catch Me"

So of course this episode has Ruth Gordon, who played Maude in 'Harold and Maude', one of the greatest movies of all time.

0:25 ooo it's one of them thar fancy false-wall safes thouuughhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

2:00 I find her movements to be very strange. I wonder how much of it is her personal mannerism and how much of it is influenced by age. Can't really find any young clips of her on YouTube to compare with.

2:44 this old lady is craftyyy.

5:08 daaamn, eye for an eye is it?!?

7:47 OMG is she gonna lock him in there??

9:20 - 9:36 AHAHAHAHA oh man. God they're good! Had me!

12:20 ROFL I fucking love this lady.

Ah man I'm loving this episode.

15:23 agh. I think she's wrong. And it sucks. LOL. She's probably gonna feel like an asshole when she finds that out. I mean what she's done is pretty savage.

16:30 agh, sloppy sloppy sloppy. Just... agonizingly sloppy, I mean really. Come on. Why not just toss the keys somewhere visible? His car is literally out back anyway, what the fuck?

25:13 Ruth Gordon gives off all these delightful subtleties in her acting, she's really great. Attitude... it's something you rarely see actors doing. I don't think it could even be captured these days... everything on screen is so fake, the environments are so fake. There's none of this.

26:50 let's be real about it, that is a truly bitching couch. It's fucking quilted.


34:00 Veronica's onto her. Hard.

35:52 hmmm, I think she's taking up for her.

39:00 so fucking in love with Peter Falk, oh my god.

45:30 couple of evil bitches right here, damn!!!

46:40 LOL the metallic knocking sounds, clever!!!

56:45 they totally set her up with the keys.

1:06:30 LMFAO this lady is twisted!!!

1:09:30 fricken amazing.
Ruth Gordon played Clint Eastwood's mom in Every Which Way But Loose and Any Which Way You Can. That was some funneh shit right there.
Season 3 - Episode 8 - "A Friend In Deed"

0:58 OMG this guy looks super sad. How did he do that!?

1:28 OMG it's a hot dead bitch!!!

This episode started off with a stiff. I don't really like it when they do that.

4:15 awwweee, it was a crime of passion though!!!

I feel sorry for this dude, he's obviously super sorry!!!

6:10 gah, '70s headlights were sooo BITCHIN'!!!

Why would this guy help this other guy, like who is he to him!?

8:06 dude look at that bigass house.

8:34 man look at that clothes hamper, it's built like a fuckin' tank!!!

9:08 check out that fancyass night gown, WTF!!!

10:33 awwwe, I feel sorry for this dude, he's such a cutie!!!

11:58 this guy's house is way better than the other guy's house, lookit that staircase!!!

12:30 LOLOL, heeey I like this guy!!!

13:20 it's nice to see these old school actors and actresses with real looking teeth, not all that fake shit all the hollywoodtards have these days. Teehee!!!

17:38 this guy is sexy as fuck too.

19:10 Peter Falk's got some nice lookin' hands, eh?! Eh!?

27:27 look how hot Peter Falk is.

28:08 this guy needs to stop going around lookin' all sad and shit.

36:50 OMG WTF is this guy gonna do?!?!?!?!?!?

38:00 LOL COME ONNNN it'd take at least a full 2 minutes to kill her that way!!!

39:30 aha, here it is! The catch!

59:45 it's pretty laughable that this fuckin' guy would try to tell Columbo how to do his job.

1:01:46 that's the nurse/stewardess chick from the Twilight Zone episode "Twenty Two"...

"Room for one more, honey."

I always wondered... was it a nod to the famous people who die in plane crashes at the age of 22?

Buddy Holly and Aaliyah.

Annnywayyy, I digress thouuughhh!!!

1:22:27 check out that guy carrying that stuff behind his back. Wonder what the logic behind that is.

1:23:30 LOL I'm starting to get the idea this guy likes doing this kinda shit!!!
Season 1 - Episode 2 - "Death Lends a Hand"

0:18 this fuckin' guy's as pleasant as a ripe fart!?

1:40 ooo, chick sunglasses!!! Who is this!?

2:50 that's a nice fuckin' box right there.

3:12 TBH this old dude Ray Milland is pretty attractive, I'd be down with it.

This Robert Culp guy is pretty fucking hot too though. Damn, Columbo's always got the finest dudes.


11:10 aaah, shit, that just went horribly wrong.

Dude I fuckin' love this show!!!

14:28 OMG look at the straight up fucking DIVINE lens flares from these headlights, AGH. SO RIGHTEOUSSS.

15:08 awwwe, I feel bad for this dude too, all he wanted was a little information!!!

At 40, Peter Falk was just beginning the most iconic role of his career... the character he would go on to be known and loved for, all over the world, for decades upon decades to come.

23:22 look at them muthafuckin' pastries dude DAAAYYYUUUMMM. Skeet skeet!

28:00 Columbo into palmistry, muwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28:42 ROFLROFL!!! <3

30:40 LOL golf is dumb as shit.

31:20 this guy's a pretty hot biscuit!

34:38 - 35:15 it's interesting, earlier in the series they made Columbo a little bit spicier than later in the series... they humbled some aspects of his smarts in successive episodes. Essentially with that scene, he admitted (without saying it of course) that he was 'playing dumb' to an extent even though he was obviously very capable. They didn't really do that in later episodes, and I think it was for the best.

43:05 ah my God check out that righteous orange jacket... everything about this show is just totally amazing.

44:00 LOL Columbo REALLY doesn't like this guy does he.

1:05:45 LOL half the fun of this show is knowing how screwed the killers are while Columbo devises clever ways to make them slip up.

1:06:18 LOL meanwhile this guy is losing his mind digging through this hideous rug.

Damn good episode.
Season 4 - Episode 2 - "Negative Reaction"


There are some episodes I cared for less than others. This is one of those episodes, LOL! But they're all great, don't get me wrong.

4:15 LOL this lady is such a bitch.

4:50 LMFAO playtime thouuuuggghhh!!!

Honestly, I kinda love how this lady reacts!!!


9:00 oh wow, check out this Italian dude's righteous hairline.

9:50 check out this dude's bitchin' jean jacket.

18:56 wow this guy sucks.

19:20 OMG that's some next level shit right there.

29:56 I was gonna try to refrain from commenting on how obviously hot this dude is, but then I saw his mad widow's peak and of course I gotta say something... I mean it just doesn't get much hotter than that.

34:09 that's... not an ambulance.

37:10 this guy is super hot too. I think I like him even more than the other guy!!!

39:00 she thinks he's homeless! This nun lady was the murderer chick from "Old Fashioned Murder" (2 years later).

43:00 LOLOLOL.

45:30 I gotta admit that's a very pleasant looking room.

47:40 LOLOL I dunno why that cracked me up so hard.

56:55 what a slutty dress to wear to a funeral! Her makeup is perfect though.
(01-09-2019, 02:02 AM)MO Wrote: Season 3 - Episode 8 - "A Friend In Deed"

This one was on the official Columbo channel... now it says it's unavailable.


The official channel even less dependable than pirate channels?

What kinda tomfoolery is afoot here?
unfortunately many of the women who star in columbo episodes cause me to sin with my right hand

i do enjoy the stories though
Season 3 - Episode 4 - "Double Exposure"

150K+ views on this upload that is less than a month old... WTF?!?!?!?

What's with this massive boom in Columbo popularity?? I find it peculiar.

I mean I am a huuuge Columbo admirer so I am not in any way complaining, BUT...

I do find it odd.

Ooo, this upload is mirror flipped! A new and exciting way to watch an episode I've seen at least twice!

2:25 he's editing subliminal messages into the footage.

This Robert Culp guy is hotter in this episode than he was in the last one where he killed that bitch ("Death Lends a Hand").

4:26 ooo, nice voice put on... he did a stellar job with that one.

5:15 he was literally a private detective in that other episode. LMAO.

7:25 wow he just put unnecessarily copious amounts of caviar on that cracker.

11:20 that's some gorgeous desert footage.

Now come on, I call bullshit, how did he know this old fat dude would be the only one to get up???

That's ridiculous.

Why did he kill him anyway?? LOL I must have totally missed something. For sure.

16:15 God I love this man.

32:00 this back of the store surveillance/stalking shit is creepy AF.

Just imagine how out of hand this shit has gotten by now.

42:20 I knew this guy was gonna be trouble!!!

49:20 I always thought this episode was great for bringing awareness to subliminal programming.

51:23 Peter Falk looks gorgeous.

1:02:50 I looooove it when Columbo touches his hair.

1:04:40 one of the things that makes Peter Falk's subtle expressions so unique and special is his glass eye.
Season 7 - Episode 5 - "The Conspirators"

I'm gonna be real with y'all, this is another one of those Columbo episodes that I just don't really like.

It's this Irish dude, he's just... sooo annoying. I've always felt this way about this episode.

It's not even that I don't think he's fuckable... he totally is. I dunno. Maybe this viewing will change my mind on how I feel about the episode, maybe it'll grow on me.

1:10 - 1:30 well I definitely agree with him on that.

2:10 whoa, is this Irish dude being a pussy and considering hiring somebody to knock somebody else off for him?!

7:20 whoooaaa, is he gonna kill the hitman?!

13:36 they're all in it together?! WTF!!!

20:20 God Columbo is so damn fucking gorgeous.

45:45 LOL an RV salesman.

56:49 that dude's totally hot.

1:06:35 this cowboy RV salesman dude is totally hot.

1:11:25 limericks are about the most annoying thing ever.

Only a bunch of obnoxiously drunk people could come up with some shit like that.
Season 8 - Episode 4 - "Grand Deceptions"

Dude it would take FOREVERRR to make all those tiny figurines and set them up like that.

It was literally somebody's DESTINY to do that shit. Think about that, OMG.

I love the fact that Columbo ran (every now and then) for decades... that's so amazing. It was such a unique show.

1:30 I don't understand what the frick the point of having this display is. It must be some kinda past life obsession shit or something.

4:45 wow I don't like this dude's attitude. Fuckin' guy needs to mind his own business!

9:35 "Too many PhDs trying to re-write the history of the world."

19:50 I totally hate the music in this episode.

32:20 LOOOL...


41:00 OoooOooo, divination!!!


47:20 it just blows me away how damn fine Peter Falk remained throughout the entirety of the Columbo series.

52:40 interesting owl sounds in this episode.

58:46 LOL :)

1:03:24 whoooa this lady is waaay too triggered.

"Don't make me stop you, ma'am."

I'da made him stop me ;)
Season 5 - Episode 5 - "Now You See Him"

6:00 wow this guy's an asshole!!! It's so weird how they make you dislike some of the characters that are gonna get knocked off. Half the fun is disliking the killer and being excited about Columbo getting them. You can't dislike the killer if you agree that the victim was an asshole.

15:32 oooOoOooo check out that bitchin' lamp!!! That's my kinda shit right there!!!

20:45 gotta admit that was a brilliantly executed kill right there.

27:12 ROFLROFL "I can't think in this coat."

There's nothing like '70s Columbo.

30:33 LOLOL he hates the coat.

49:00 ahhh, totally brilliant... testing his lockpicking skills. Yiiikes!!!

Oh I love those closeups of Peter Falk.

It's a great episode, not one of my favorite, but it's great nonetheless.

1:21:00 LOL they were very excited about the new typewriters back then.

122K views on this video, uploaded a little over a month ago.

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