The X-Files (1993) - Review & Commentary
Season 1 - Episode 23 - "Roland"

0:30 awwwe, Roland is a cutie!

2:37 ah, back when keyboards were built to last!

3:15 OMG WTF is going on here?!

4:15 he's gonna kill that poor dude... inadvertently though?

13:00 wow. What the fuck is with this Roland guy?


15:40 are they saying that Roland's becoming POHZESSED by the spirit of the dead scientist dude?

21:40 wow retarded people's emotions are super intense!?

29:57 God Foxy Mulder makes me wanna bang so hard.

32:06 LMAO that's the most 90s thing I've ever seen.

41:15 well regardless, that oughta scare that guy straight. ROFLMFAO :)

43:50 awwwe... love is always so complicated isn't it?

Not a great episode, but not bad... I mean, it's the X-Files, after all.
Season 1 - Episode 24 - "Erlenmeyer Flask"

This is the season finale.

LMFAO @ these chintzy looking cars catching air at the beginning.

0:57 this guy's a klutz!

1:00 they're being so mean to this guy!

1:35 isn't this the exact place where Catwoman jumped off too? 19:06... LOL, off topic but that commentator guy is clearly one of my people?!

2:50 they changed the words on the screen to "Trust No One"... wonder when they did that?

5:44 "No description of the suspect's been released" uuuuhhhh, they're FRICKEN FBI... they KNOW THINGS.

22:25 OMG it's like the Matrix! Only with... mermen!

38:50 awwwe, it's a lil alien baby!

42:30 "Trust no one" were his last words, LMAO what a baller!!!!!!!!!!!

44:45 wonder if we'll find out more about this guy in the future. According to IMDb he's just known on the show as the "Cigarette Smoking Man"...
Season 2 - Episode 1 - "Little Green Men"

4:15 is Scully going soft on us?!

5:00 WHAT IN THE WANK?! Did he legit not reply to her???

6:00 oh I get it now.

6:25 LOL @ at the classic covert parking garage meeting.

7:00 it's time they get married. To each other.

11:15 awwwe, poor little Fox Mulder.

But I thought the story was that they were asleep one night and that's when she was abducted, and he woke up but couldn't move.

14:50 hot damn! Fun story!

16:00 Marlboro ad placement... dude what the fuck is with this 'smoking man' character? What does it mean? Is it an inside joke? Is it figurative? 16:30 if he were a true hardcore smoker like they're portraying, he'd make sure he NEVER ran out of cigarettes... so what exactly are they trying to say with this?

16:33 did Mulder legit hitchhike?!

17:00 he's in fricken dang Puerto Rico.

19:15 uh oh, who is this deep voiced hussy??

32:00 David Duchovny really grows on you.

33:10 he's recording this for Scully, so sweet!

34:30 "But what would I do if they really came?" wooorrrrdddd.

36:48 oh shit yo!

39:14 OMFG dangerooousssss thouuuugh.
Season 2 - Episode 2 - "The Host"

0:15 ooo, this guy's pretty sexy!

2:15 ddddaaaammmmnnnnn.

7:45 "violent impulses" oooOooOooo fuuuuck!!! Foxy Mulder's trying to turn me on!!!

9:21 Dana's a pretty hot name.

11:12 her reaction to that was perfect, she really is a fabulous actress.

11:26 agh my God this is so nasty.

11:40 a sewer monster? Really?

13:40 this dude's mega hot too.

16:00 very interesting... hmmm.

20:30 LOL this episode is mildly horrifying.

22:00 you better make sure you don't fall into that water mofo!!!

22:55 these grown men would have been screaming like little bitches if they'd seen that thing for real.

25:30 this episode is fricking ridiculous though... the monster and everyone's (non) reaction to it. Just absurd.

30:00 LOL I like how this guy's locked and loaded and ready AF.

39:13 ah for fuck's sake.

40:00 OMG did he really just jump into the water??

I get it's supposed to be brave, but come on... come ON.

This story is so fucking stupid, honest to God.



Something fine as a standalone sci-fi movie...

But as an episode of the X-Files on its second season???

Season 2 isn't... that far in. Not to this show at least.

The only good part of this episode is the introduction of the 'friend' within the FBI.
(10-30-2019, 10:01 PM)Mister Obvious Wrote: 2:50 they changed the words on the screen to "Trust No One"... wonder when they did that?

Spoiler Alert!

Between now and the final episode of the final season, they do that a few times
in regards to certain special episodes. You'll see. How you liking it so far? I've loved 
The X-Files ever since I first saw it back in the early 90's. Such a great show, even
though it comes across as extremely dated. I miss the 90's!!

EDIT** - I consider the "final" season to be season nine. All the "new" seasons rebooted don't count, in my book.
The X-Files is pretty much self-divided into three categories:

1) The Monster-Of-The-Week episodes. [Usually stand-alones about a, you guessed it, Monster. Of that particular week.]
2) The Mythology episodes. [Applying to all episodes that thread into the show's main ideal; Aliens.]
3) Everything else. Which might not fit neatly into either above category.

Overall, it's an awesome show. I need to jump back into my binge-watch, haha.
I read someone say that "after season 4" they apparently "normie" it down a little bit, likely due to the fact that it had become wildly successful by that time. I'll be interested to see.
Season 2 - Episode 3 - "Blood"

0:17 look at those dirty keys! That vintage look is so charming somehow.

0:30 is this guy an accountant? His job looks super depressing!

0:58 does anybody really put their finger in their mouth when they cut it like that? I've seen this in movies/TV a few times and I think it's super dumb. It's NEVER occurred to me to do that and it seems unnatural.

1:10 this guy seems super nice.

2:36 LOLLLLL. His calculator screen just flashed "KILL"... reminds me of the ATM scene in American Psycho (2002)

3:20 now it says "KILL 'EM ALL" bahahahaha... wow.

5:05 LOL this episode is a tad ridiculous.

8:50 gross.

9:07 now he's at an ATM, LOL.

12:45 creeeeeeeeppppppyyyyyyyyy. At least he doesn't look super ugly though.

18:31 OMG they had to straight up take that bitch OUT!!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

28:40 so the spray was supposed to coincide with the subliminal messages in media.

30:55 this cop guy is likable as fuck.

32:20 wow, this dumb bitch needs to get a clue.

32:55 this poor guy's done so well up to this point!

34:02 that up close view of Mulder's suit jacket turned me on hard for some reason!?

41:10 luckily this guy's a terrible shot!

43:00 that takedown by Mulder was the sexiest thing ever.
Season 2 - Episode 4 - "Sleepless"

So I think this is the episode where Mulder's new dude partner gets introduced into the show because Gillian Anderson was super pregnant at the time of filming and she had to take off.

0:58 oh shit :(

2:30 wow, WTF!!!!!?!!?!?

5:50 I uttered the words "Oh HELL yeah" aloud when I saw his new partner.

7:10 Mulder is so anti-social!

7:50 that's the meanest I've ever seen him look!

9:45 sounds more like simulating dreams than "altering" them.

10:15 LOL his interaction with this new agent guy cracks me up... but I feel bad for him because he's a Spooky Mulder fanboy, and he's gotten treated like taint by his idol up to this point.

11:45 he's really adorable, this is very cute.

12:00 Gillian Anderson is such a fabulous actress, it's too bad she's such a freaked out pervert.

13:13 who the hell is this guy trying to act like he's a cast member from the original Dawn of the Dead??

This whole scene seems like some Dawn of the Dead shit.

18:20 wow, this story though.

18:45 partner dude is super good looking.

20:40 "hasn't slept in 24 years"... WTF so were they literally zombies or something???

26:20 do these two ever AT LEAST bump uglies?? Don't tell me.

27:50 he's got the scar on his neck too. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

28:10 oh so they were experiments then. That's fucked up.

29:45 they made Mulder's stand-in partner so perfect... even perfect camera work in his scenes.

40:00 interesting episode/story.

42:30 you know everyone watching the show back then KNEW Gillian Anderson was pregnant.

43:15 what the fuck, he's a COUNTER AGENT??????????????????????????????
Season 2 - Episode 5 - "Duane Barry"

1:00 dogs are so great, they'll even be happy living with you in a shithole.

2:20 oh come on dude give it a rest, whatever they were doing didn't look that bad.

4:30 did he just refer to himself in third person?!

6:00 OMG, MULDER'S PRACTICALLY NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it looks GOOOOOOOOOOD.

9:18 LMAO!

10:33 so far this is NOT a great episode, but ROFLMAO @ how he keeps referring to himself in third person, especially when he's screaming. That's pretty funny.

18:56 I don't get what the hell is so scary about that.

20:50 I totally wanna fuck Mulder.

21:55 I like the lady who's talking in Mulder's ear.

22:20 wrong, apparently he can scream obnoxiously the entire time.

22:46 the worst part about it is the fuckin' strobe lights.

24:55 I definitely don't believe in this sort of alien abduction... and I believe all monsters are human.

26:00 not what Mulder thinks he is?? I don't get it.

35:10 even when an episode's not your favorite, at least there's always Mulder <3

41:00 LOL I have never considered the fact that smokin' hot agents go to the grocery store too... *nanarub*

44:00 man it took a long time for this episode to be worth a shit in my book. Basically the last ~15 min. of this episode are the only good parts.

OMG FFS, it's a "To Be Continued"... ain't nobody got time for that.
Season 2 - Episode 6 - "Ascension"

3:55 I'm feeling a touch of smexual energy between Scully's mom and Mulder tho!??! Maybe he could fuck some sense into her!?!? "He was your father"... pft, fuckin' bitch.

6:38 LOL @ this song... kinda diggin' it though.


10:12 God... I am so sexually into Mulder at this point.

13:20 LOL, gave that bitch a fright!

14:07 if you want to keep him awake, why don't you reach into the glovebox and grab that travel size bottle of Aveeno and give him a handy.

14:30 I bet sooner or later Mulder is gonna start suspecting this partner dude is in on a conspiracy.

15:15 LOL... rawr.

I think there's a possibility I might eventually masturbate to this show.

16:40 Mulder's being a bit unreasonable at this point. He really is.

17:36 LMAO this poor lift operator guy... sigh. Mulder, Mulder, Mulder.

18:00 God Mulder is such a fearless badass though. I'm so lit.

18:20 OMG I fucking hate this double agent partner guy... what a douche.

I can't believe they're trying to kill Scully by way of a madman.

20:20 dude fuck's sake OMG.

21:00 well at least double agent doucheboy didn't let him die or do something crazy... I dunno. Still hate the fucking guy.

26:00 ohhh, it delights me so deeply to see an angry Mulder stranglin' a motherfucker... *dreamy sigh*

27:22 I think he's gonna catch on that there's a conspiracy here.

29:00 I wanna see a pissed off Mulder start getting fucking turnt with people.

29:50 so since Duane died right after his douchebag double agent partner was in the room with him, I assume this is where Mulder starts getting suspicious.

31:35 what is this lady David Duchovny's mom or something??

37:36 aha, so this is when he figures it out. Pretty sloppy of them! Not hugely believable, but... okay.

41:00 I kinda like this Skinner guy, except for that I thought he was in on the whole thing too.


What a great show.
Season 2 - Episode 7 - "3"

1:30 if we all had a dime for as many times as we've heard that one!

2:30 well that went fuckin' south!!?!?!?!

3:55 X-Files is so fun... who would wanna work on anything else?!

6:40 why's he taking the jacket off, LOL?

9:10 "I'll wait upstairs" LMAO amen to that!!!

11:10 ew... vampires are so fucking disgusting.

I feel about vampires the way Dean from Supernatural feels about witches.

13:24 LOL somebody lied to this guy!!!

18:18 they should have taken note of that when they first booked the guy.

20:15 vampires are fucking retarded.

21:30 fucking gross.

21:57 BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's my Mulder!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

22:30 ugh God these people are fucking disgusting.

24:57 check out that righteous cheesecake though, I'd eat that.

25:35 I find this episode boring just because it's about vampires... I hope there aren't many episodes about this topic.

26:50 "All this time I've been putting raspberry sauce on ice cream" LOL that was so funny!

28:45 there's a lot of light colors and natural light in here for a vampire house.

30:00 she's really come home to Foxy Mulder in her house, what a lucky bitch... she's not worthy.

31:30 Jesus this bitch is so annoying... she's not as sexy as they're trying to pass her off to be. She's definitely no Gillian Anderson.

32:00 what the fuck does that have to do with the price of rice in China?

34:10 oh bitch you better get your fucking hands off that.

35:20 I legitimately despise this episode and totally hate this bitch.

36:28 ugh God no. Fuck this bitch! This is fucking gross, I'm so mad, I can't believe Mulder's gonna lay the pipe on this slutty vampire wannabe whore before he ever got to lay it on Scully. Seriously fucking disgusting!

Scully's being tested on some stark, cold, super bright spaceship somewhere, and Mulder's LAYING THE PIPE on an obnoxious vampire wannabe HOBAG?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Have I lost respect for Mulder?? HAVE I?????? KIND OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How could he fuck that bitch and NOT SCULLY???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!!!?!?!

41:20 now THAT chick is sexy... fucking her?? Understandable. But the other one, um no. God no. What the fuck were they thinking with this??

I can't believe he fucked that fucking wannabe vampire hobag whilst wearing Scully's cross... what a douche.
FUCK YOU MULDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Season 2 - Episode 8 - "One Breath"

1:25 awwwweee. LOL :) <3

4:00 look at Mulder acting like he didn't just fuck another bitch in the last episode.

6:45 oh who is this? Another bitch Mulder's gonna fuck? Might as well just bend her right over Scully's comatose body and get busy then.

8:15 it's an interesting depiction... really easy to understand too. It's great. With the rope tethering her to the dock etc.

12:10 I like this nurse lady.

19:30 this stupid bitch needs to shut up.


Apparently David Duchovny had a sex addiction...

Geez! Wonder what that means?? What is a sex addiction exactly??

Does it mean that he just can't stop having sex?? Does it mean he has sex uncontrollably??

Or does it mean he's just super kinky?? Rrrraaaarwwwwrwrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

20:30 I think "respecting her" would entail INVESTIGATING to see WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, but I'm not a rocket scientist or anything.

21:52 LOL!!!

25:17 on some real shit though, what kinda last name is Scully??

28:00 dude this cigarette guy freaks me out... what's the symbolic meaning here?? I don't get it.

28:23 it's hard to hate the guy though honestly.

Definitely a creepy cracker though.

37:45 I actually have to agree with this mildly hysterical bitch, he really should go talk to Scully. It's a great idea.

38:40 what's he gonna say?

39:26 no Mulder you're supposed to TALK TO HER.

43:48 I knew there was something up with that lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Season 2 - Episode 9 - "Firewalker"

0:10 check it out, BOTH these guys have GLORIOUSLY curly hair!!!

2:58 OMG look at THIS hotass dude! And he's got curly hair TOO!!!

17:38 TBH this episode is hella boring so far.

26:30 I think the issue may be that I just don't like any of the guest characters.

32:05 so are they trying to suggest he was the only "sane" one??

It got more exciting at the end but still not a great episode.
Season 2 - Episode 10 - "Red Museum"

My guess is this episode's gonna mostly suck... *shrug*

0:26 is this supposed to turn us off to meat?

1:50 OMG how is he watching her?!??!!??!?!!?

2:55 OMG WTF!!!!!!!

3:40 this poor kid's gonna need counseling!!!

5:45 "vegetarians" aha. At least back in the 90s they were honest about veganism being a cult.

8:20 so this episode according to Mulder is about "walk-ins".

12:28 he further explains the idea of walk-ins.

13:20 LOL check out how unhealthy this poor vegan looks.

15:20 mmmhmm, that's how they get ya.

20:10 oh you know this old guy's got a story!!!

22:20 they're talking about growth hormones.

28:08 how rude!

29:45 LMAO OMG how would you like to find that?!

31:20 well at least they didn't take the other kid.

37:15 interesting story.

42:30 that guy did the right thing, come on.
Season 2 - Episode 11 - "Excelsis Dei"

The synopsis of this episode sounds promising... "killer poltergeists".

0:42 check out this hotass guard dude in the chair... yeeeeooowww. He is FUCKING fine.


7:00 LOL this episode is just WEIRD man.

The wank part about it is I can't find the hot guard dude's name in the cast list for this episode. How is a sexy mofo like that not even credited???

7:20 repression of rape memories isn't a CHOICE, you dumb cunt.

9:47 there is the hot dude again... he even has lines, why is he not credited??

11:55 so it's some kinda pill that makes them able to astral travel or something?

12:55 I mean look at how fucking hot this guard guy is.

16:50 God I'd love to have this hotass dude workin' me around if I was in an old folks' home!!!

24:00 ah well, at least it wasn't the one I liked!

27:50 creepy, LOL!

29:50 that percussion though!

31:20 ew what the hell is all this?!

Are those shrooms?!

Awwwe... was the asian dude just trying to help and things got out of hand??

32:15 oh shit yikes.

34:26 oh woooowww.

This is a really good episode.

39:35 God Mulder turns me on so hard.

40:05 sorry we have more important people to help, lady.

Nvm, the actor dude's name is Paul Jarrett... super fricken hot. CRAZY hot.
Season 2 - Episode 12 - "Aubrey"

0:30 bitches always trip hard if you miss dinner.

1:07 LOL OMG what a way to break it to him! Is he gonna have to knock her off now?!

1:40 it's a place where he can KILL YOASS!!!!!!!!

3:00 what the fuck is going on here? I don't get it.

5:45 yeah that's the part I was confused about too.

6:00 oh that's fucked up, LMAO!!!

7:50 well this lady sure is led around by the pussy!!!

14:30 I don't like this guy!

This is a great episode so far though.

16:34 "Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask" GOOD ONNNNEEEEE.

19:24 that's him, and he's pretty damn hot too!!!

22:30 LOL this fuckin' guy. Creepyass cracker though!

24:50 keep your cool and call Mulder and Scully, lady!!!

29:10 this story is a lil crazy.

30:00 in the SAME HOUSE!? See this is why you should NEVER live in the same house for all your life... or the same town. Or the same state.

33:30 definitely a very interesting storyline though... genetic memories etc. "DNA is connected throughout time and space via quantum entanglement"

36:27 damn, this old lady's pretty swift!!!

40:25 damn, this lady plays a good scary psycho role.

Great episode.
Season 2 - Episode 13 - "Irresistible"

0:25 aw damn, what a waste of good meat! You know, I really think open caskets and dead body viewing are really fucked up practices.

1:15 that guy's probably the killer.

1:30 or at the very least a total necrophiliac.

2:10 creepy as FUUUUUUUUCK.

3:46 aaawwwwwkkkkwwwaaaarrrrrdddd.

3:55 how do you explain that one to the family??? Yiiiiiiiiiiikes. "We uuuuhhhh, realize your daughter looks a little different today..."

7:09 "No one quite knows why, though I've never really understood salt and pepper shakers myself" ROFLMFAO, ahhh... Mulder is so great.

(10-31-2019, 04:49 PM)somethingelseishere Wrote: 1) The Monster-Of-The-Week episodes. [Usually stand-alones about a, you guessed it, Monster. Of that particular week.]

That's what this episode is dubbed as...

13:08 oh great now he's shopping for hookers.

13:50 dude that chick's hair is waaaaaaay too nice to be a hooker.

14:08 what's he trying to say, she's dirty?! *banana*

14:34 I mean at least the dude's not ugly.

17:27 Scully's goin' soft?!?!

19:25 ugh gross man, you never know what people are getting up to... so effing nasty and disturbing though.

32:45 I've never identified so much with Scully before!

38:15 damn, Scully's been through some SHIT lately!

43:50 awe, Scully and Mulder sharing a moment!

Great episode.

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